


Like a Pheonix: Born Again

by Jamjamsfics



Series: the "Out of The Ashes of a Hungry Fire" universe [6]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: 27 Years Later (IT), Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Bisexual Richie Tozier, Dealing With Trauma, F/F, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Patrick Hockstetter is His Own Warning, Racist Language, Referenced Drug Overdose, Referenced Drug Use, References to Depression, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Sequal, before the final fight, don't need to read volume 1 but it might help fill some confusing gaps, implied past stanbrough, implied past stanlon, minor and major character deaths implied, not really a fix it but kinda like that i guess, pennywise is in this in some parts but it aint about him, referenced childhood rape, references from the 2010 script, references from the book, references from the movies, somewhat stanbrough implied, volume two of a series
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:27:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 50,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22153261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jamjamsfics/pseuds/Jamjamsfics
Summary: "For as long as Richie could remember, he had always been at least slightly depressed. For what reason, he couldn’t figure out. He knew it had to do with the words carved into his stomach. The scars from a forgotten traumatic experience that his subconscious still remembered but wouldn’t tell the rest of his mind."27 years after the losers attempted to kill IT, and 27 years after Richie and Eddie's lives took a tragic, unforgettable turn. they'd forgotten about their traumas and their past, but can they deal with the memories that come flooding back? can they overcome their demons and fears once and for all?(this is a sequel/volume 2, to my fic Out of the Ashes of a Hungry Fire. you shouldn't necessarily have to read volume one to understand this, but it is encouraged to read in order to get the complete backstory and help fill confusing gaps.)
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Connor Bowers/Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Patrick Hockstetter/Richie Tozier
Series: the "Out of The Ashes of a Hungry Fire" universe [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1542163
Comments: 180
Kudos: 111





	1. Eddie and Richie relive thair traumas

**Author's Note:**

> ANYTHING POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING IN THIS FIC WILL BE WARNED ABOUT WITH ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 
> here's volume 2!! i'm SO excited to get this ball rolling, and honestly kinda scared haha.

**May 29** **th** **, 2016**

Richie Tozier was a comedian. Now, whether or not he was a _good_ comedian was up to interpretation. His fame was controversial in that his acts were very sexual and misogynistic. That wasn’t his fault, he didn’t write his own material. Don't get it wrong, Richie was well-loved by many. In the beginning of his career, he made his start on SNL and later went to become an independent comedian. At first, his acts were all him, and he loved what he did, but he soon ran out of motivation and his comedy train ran dry. That's when his studio, Desperate to keep Trashmouth Tozier relevant and popular, hired a ghostwriter, and that’s exactly when the magic died. 

For as long as Richie could remember, he had always been at least slightly depressed. For what reason, he couldn’t figure out. He knew it had to do with the words carved into his stomach. The scars from a forgotten traumatic experience that his subconscious still remembered but wouldn’t tell the rest of his mind. He just knew it was bad. _Real_ bad. He, and mostly everyone who had gotten close enough to see, had assumptions. To most, it was painfully obvious. To Richie, he tried not to think about it like that. 

He found himself staring into his full-length mirror in his LA mini mention, shirtless, staring at the scars for hours at a time on many occasions, sometimes accompanied by some sort of hard liquor or a beer. He'd read the words over and over in his head, sometimes out loud, sometimes tracing over the letters. Nothing helped, and the more he stared, the more anxiety washed over him as if he should know exactly what those scars meant, but he didn’t, and it frustrated him _so_ much. 

He was never caught in public without a shirt. He didn’t want that conversation, or the theories floating around, or the constant bombardment of ‘fans’ demanding he tell them what it meant. He just wanted to count the days until retirement, until he had enough millions saved up to say ‘sayonara’ to this curse of a career path and live out the rest of his days in peace. Alone. 

Richie was seen as a womanizer by most people. That was far from the truth. He had girlfriends in the past, but he never treated them wrong. He wasn’t a bad guy. 

Though, there was one scandal that he hoped would never come out into the public eye. Or at least not for a while. He was just not ready to make it public yet. 

\------------------------------------------- 

When Richie got the phone call from Mike Hanlon, everything came crashing back at him like a Tidalwave overturning his rickety ship. It started with Derry, his home town. He had forgotten about this town who knows how long ago, and his friends... Mike, obviously, he had been the one to call. He remembered Mike’s bright smile and his ambitions, his natural motherly ways. but then there was Bill, Stuttering Bill. The leader of their friend group, the.......he couldn’t put his finger on the name, but it was on the tip of his tongue. Then he remembered Beverly. She was so beautiful, charming, understanding. Ben, his kind soul and amazing eye for architecture, Stan, his best friend, the guy he could rely on, and then there was Eddie.... 

Eddie Kaspbrak. 

No, Eddie _trumen._

His first love, his first relationship, the only person he could ever see himself with forever. How could he forget _him_? He remembered his face, the way he made him feel, the way he kissed, the way it felt when they made love for the first time. Sweaty, nervous, a little scared? Anxious and shaking, but so in love and so warm and close. But that wasn’t his first time. He knew it wasn’t his first time. But what was-- 

(trigger break for dialogue from a rape scene) 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

_“_ _aah_ _...f-fuck, I...._ _hh_ _...s-stop_ _....fuck_ _....fucking...._ _STOP_ _!_ _”_

_“oh, what was that? ‘go faster, Patrick’?_ _don’t mind if I do_ _....~_ _”_

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

The memory shot into his mind, replaying like a sickeningly real movie that he couldn’t physically look away from. And then he was there. He was _back there_. He was 13 again, scared and in pain. Everything from that day was back, he knew what the scars meant, and he knew why it gave him so much anxiety. 

Immediately, he felt sick. Violently sick. Dropping his phone, he sprinted from his dressing room, almost knocking over his producer as he sprinted for the fire escape. 

“ah! Shit—Rich!?” Steven shouted as he was forcefully pushed out of the way. He was _about to_ knock on the door and let Richie know It was five till showdown when the man in question decided to volt through the door and sprint out as if being chased. Steven barely had time to respond before he, too, was running, trying to chase down the runaway comedian. 

Richie plowed through the fire escape door with no time to spare before he buckled over the railing and vomited off the edge. Mid vomit, Steven walked out and recoiled in disgust. “uck, Rich, you-you okay, man? cause you look _not_ okay.” he took out a hanky he always kept in his breast pocket, handing it over to Richie who was now staring off into space with a frightened, childlike look on his face. He had regressed back to that day, he had relived it all, and it was far, _far_ too much for him. 

He took the handkerchief and whipped off his mouth. “.....I'm fine...” he pushed passed Steven, to which the other man followed behind. 

“oookay, alright, aaand we’re walking.” as they passed one of the crew, he motioned to him, not stopping. “hey, can we get him some water?” 

“bourbon.” 

“or bourbon, okay.” 

“and a mint...” 

“okay- Rich, look, you’re nervous, it’s fine, this is a big gig, a _big_ day, right? No worries.” Steven attempted to reassure Richie as they continued to walk through the set. 

“I'm not _nervous_ , I'm just--” he cut himself off and sighed. “never mind, I'll explain later.” 

Steven nodded. “alright, okay, that’s fine.” 

the same crew member approached the walking pair and handed off Richie’s bourbon and mints. “that was fast.” Richie mumbled before tipping over the mint box in his mouth before downing them like pills with the alcohol. 

They were now at the stage entrench and Richie turned to Steven, hands shaking as he held the mint bottle and half drank glass of bourbon. “how-how do I look?” 

Steven sighed, taking the bottle of mints and the glass. “....great, you look great. Just....deep breaths, okay?” Richie nodded, about to say something when the announcer came on and started to announce his name. It was showtime, he had to pull himself together. He couldn’t fuck up now, it was a full house, and people were counting on him. 

\--------------------------------------------------------- 

“Richie, talk to me, man, what the hell happened out there?” Steven asked as he followed behind Richie who was practically fast walking back to his dressing room. Richie had, indeed, fucked up. He completely blanked and forgot the joke. The second he said ‘trashmouth’, more memories came punching him in the face. That used to be his nickname, his friends called him that, the friends he’d forgotten existed. 

“I.....” he sighed, shaking his head. “I forgot the joke, okay? I have a lot on my mind.” 

“Yeah, no kidding.” Steven sighed as he stopped the dressing room door from shutting him out and invited himself in, locking it behind him. As he turned to Richie, he gave the other man a concerned look. “baby, you have to talk to me--” 

“I told you not to call me that...” Richie interrupted coldly, back turned to Steven as he picked up his phone that he had dropped earlier and started to immediately pack up. “not....not here.” 

“....Richie, what _happened...?_ " 

Richie wasn’t really paying attention. Either that, or he didn’t want to answer him. Or both. In all honesty, he wasn’t sure, himself, what had happened. Oh, he knew what memories flooded back and what caused him to projectile vomit, but he didn’t understand why it was so urgent for him to go back there. But it was. He frantically packed, staying quiet for a moment before speaking up. “I have to go.” 

“go? Go _where_ , Richie, you have a show in Reno in two days!” 

“I _have to_ , Steven, it’s important, I--” he turned to Steven, bag in hand, tears welling in his eyes. “please just—trust me, okay? It shouldn’t-- take that long, I should be back in time for Reno.” 

Steven shook his head. He wasn’t sure what was going on with Richie. Was he _crying_ ? “....and what if you _aren’t?_ " 

“then we'll reschedule the show,” Richie stated before passing Steven, attempting to escape through the locked door. 

“that’ll be a pain in the ass on _my_ end, but—wait, Rich.” he grabbed Richie’s hand stopping him from leaving the room. Richie looked back to him and he had a pleading look to him. “promise me....you’ll come back. Don't make this like last time, Richie...” 

“It won’t be like last time....” Richie stated reassuringly. 

“promise me?” Steven spoke low, leaning up and attempting to give Richie a kiss on the lips. Richie almost reciprocated, but pulled back and held Steven’s face at bay. 

“not _here, Steven. ….._.you know we can’t do that here.” 

“...right.” Steven backed away, nodding. “yeah, just in your home with the curtains shut and the doors locked, right?” 

Richie sighed. He did this a lot. Steven didn’t understand, Richie had a reputation to uphold, and—while he was sure some of his fans would accept him, or even most....he wasn’t ready for any kind of backlash, scandal, headlines.... he just wanted to be left alone. “....I'll see you in Reno, Steven.” he said, reassuringly before heading out the door. 

===================================================================================== 

Eddie Trumen, on his way home from work, found himself in a small collision after receiving Mike’s call. Or _during_ Mike’s call, actually. 

Eddie had just gotten off of an irritating phone call from his wife. She always seemed to worry excessively about him, and it drove him mad. Sure, a little worrying isn’t bad, but her type of worrying was far too much. Don't go outside when it’s .2 degrees below warm without a coat or you’ll freeze, wear a mask during flu season when you go out even though you have your flue shots good and up-to-date, cause you _never know_ , come home RIGHT NOW because it rained 3 hours ago, and even though the roads are _dry as they ever can be_ , they are still ‘slick’ and I don’t want you crashing! 

Myra gave Eddie several aneurisms. But he was still with her, and he didn’t know why. He didn’t even like girls. He's _never_ liked girls, yet for some reason, and even though he comes from a loud and proud two-mom family, he still married a woman. There was just something in him that told him he had to. He didn’t understand, but yet he was still here, arguing with his wife about how the roads are dry and he’s more safe driving than talking to her. 

But it wasn’t the ‘slick’ roads that caused him to crash. It was the sinking, dreading feeling in his gut and the loud thumping of his heart when he glanced at his SUV’s display which read Derry, Maine. 

There was a knock on the passenger window and Eddie rolled it down to reveal an angry Indian man, the cab driver that Eddie had crashed into. “what the hell, man!?” 

“s-sorry, here....” Eddie reached shakily into his glove department and took out his insurance papers. “here....here’s my insurance, just.....I need to take this c-call, do what you need to do, okay?” he handed over the papers and rolled up his window, ignoring the angry yelling of the driver and the kick to his truck. 

“Eddie?” Mike spoke over the car’s speakers and Eddie nodded as if he could see him. “yeah.... yeah, I'm here....” 

“Eddie, you need to come home.” 

“home.....” Eddie repeated. “home to--” and just like a wave, it came over him, and he remembered so much. _Too_ much. “o-oh my god.....oh my f-fucking god....” 

“Eddie, focus.... you made a promise, remember? An _oath.”_

Eddie nodded again, this time faster. “right, right, okay, um.....” he sniffled, wiping some tears from his eyes. “I'll be there....I'll....get my things packed and I'll, um......I'll come--” 

“tonight, Eddie. You have to come tonight.” 

“tonight.....” Eddie knew that would be hard. Convincing Myra to let him leave, that was. “okay, tonight....” 

“see you then, Eds....” 

\----------------------------------------------------------------- 

Eddie remembered his mother. His _real_ mother. He didn’t know he was adopted after leaving Derry, and frankly, he’s not even sure if his moms did either. That was hard. That was very hard. He had changed his last name half way through high school, so he no longer had any connection to the Kaspbrak line, nor any indication that Cathy and Molly were _not_ his real moms. Or, at least, that one of them didn’t give birth to him. 

Eddie remembered how his mom treated him, how she manipulated him into thinking he’s constantly sick or in danger and the fear and anxiety she put on him. It dawned on him that Myra and Sonia were a lot alike. Scarily similar, in fact. His sub conscious must have seen this connection and latched onto it as a last-ditch effort to keep something alive from his forgotten memories. 

(trigger break for graphic depiction of a corpse) 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

And lastly, and most painfully, he remembered finding his mom’s corpse. He remembered how the house reeked of decay and swage, how her body was rotting and had been fermenting in the hot Livingroom for four days before he found her. How he could still see her terrified expression. he gaged as he remembered all of this, but focused on the drive home. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Myra was home, but it was time for her scheduled evening bubble bath with a glass of red wine and a book. Unfortunately, the bathroom she was in was the exact one he had to go into in order to raid the medicine cabinet. 

As he entered the bathroom, he averted his eyes from his wife’s naked frame, half out of the tub since she was too big to fit fully in. He was repulsed by her body, not because of her size, he didn’t care about body size. He was gay, something he’d never said aloud his whole life, or at least not that he thought. On their wedding night, they had attempted to consummate their marriage, but Eddie couldn’t seem to get it up. No matter how much Myra or he tried, seeing her breasts and woman parts made it impossible to become aroused. He could only manage to get even a half chub when he closed his eyes and thought about the hot secretary at his work. The hot _male_ secretary. With the biceps and deep blue eyes and captivating smile. 

That was enough for Myra. He felt violated, and it was very unfortunate that he had to pretend to enjoy it and do it more and more throughout their marriage. 

But not tonight. He was here for one reason. His medication. 

“Eddie, what are you doing?” Myra asked, closing her book and placing it on the side of the tub. Eddie didn’t answer her, he just kept filling his bag, head blocked from her view, and his view of her, by the cabinet door. 

Myra sat up in the tub, sending the sound of wafting water into Eddie’s ears. “Eddie, what are you _doooiinng_!?” she shouted in an annoyed voice. Eddie grunted, still not answering. He knew it was only a matter of time before she would get out of the tub and bound toward him. Luckily for him, though, he had finished collecting his meds and made to storm out the bathroom, all while his wife yelled “eddddiiiee!?” the ending of his drawn-out name being muffled by the bathroom door shitting. 

“Christ....” Eddie muttered shaking his head as he fast-walked to their bedroom. He needed to get out fast before she started crying to him. He hated it when she cried. He loved her, but not the way she deserved to be loved. He wished they could just be friends like they used to in college. 

As he packed his bag with shoes and clothes, being sure to pack everything he could possibly need, he heard the bedroom door open, and in stomped Myra. “Edward Trumen!” he winced, but kept packing. “ _why_ are you ignoring me!? And _what_ are you _DOINNNG!?”_

Eddie stood up, bags on his shoulders and a rolling bag behind him. “Myra. Please. Step aside. I need to _go_.” 

“go?! Go _where_ !? Eddie, _pllleease_ _,_ what’s going on!?” she was acting distressed. She would, most certainly, start crying if he proceeded. 

He sighed and closed his eyes. “I won’t be gone long, okay? Just- just step aside and I'll explain.....what I can.” Myra stepped aside and Eddie fastly made his way to and down the stairs, all while Myra followed. 

“where are you going, Eddie, what’s going on, I'm _scared, you’re scaring me--”_

“Myra _please!”_ Eddie practically shouted as they got to the bottom of the stairs. He never shouted at her. He was always understanding. She had bad anxiety and separation issues, he knew that, and they had to compromise anytime he had to take a business trip. 

A business trip. That was it. He could disguise this as a business trip. A last-minute one that his asshole of a boss thrust onto him. 

His shouting forced Myra to stop asking questions, but now she was whimpering behind him. Dammit, Eddie, you made the woman cry. 

“e-eddie.... you never yell at me.... why would you y-yell at me...?” she sobbed, shaking out of fear but also out of hurt. 

Eddie grunted and turned to her, placing down his bags. “Marty, I'm....sorry, I'm just stressed.... I didn’t mean to yell at you, dear, I'm sorry...” Eddie placed his hands gently on her cheeks and gave her a patient smile. “listen, Marty, don’t worry, okay? It's just a business trip. It was pushed on me at the last second, and I don’t know how long, but it shouldn’t......be any more than four days.” 

“ _four....?_ _Eddiiiee_ _....”_ she hated being alone. 

Eddie bit his lip. “it’s okay. You can call me _every_ day, okay? Tell me about your day, your favorite shows, what you had for dinner. I swear to you, Marty, it won't be that bad. The last one was fine, right?” 

She nodded shallowly, sniffling. Eddie wiped her tears and kissed her lips gently. “that’s my girl.” he let her face go and went back to the door, picking his bags back up to pack his car. Myra still followed. 

“j-just....be careful, okay? Don't drive too fast, don’t sit near the exit doors in case someone opens it during the flight, and for _god’s sake,_ don’t order the turkey burger, it gives you heartburn!” 

He sighed and nodded as he attempted to escape out the door. “promise, Myra!” he shouted back at her from the driveway. 

She followed him all the way to the driver’s seat, kissing him a few more times, seeming to be trying to hold him off so he’d miss his flight and have no choice but to stay, at least a little while longer. He reminded her that if he missed his company booked flight, he’d be in big trouble, and reluctantly, she let him go. 

He was a fucking liar, and he felt terrible, but he couldn’t tell her the truth. The truth wasn’t even anything he, himself, knew. But he was determined to find out. 

“....I'm coming home, mommy....” 


	2. a family reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the losers all gather at the Jade for their reunion dinner. some feelings are felt and we learn a lot more about Eddie and Richie's relationship.

Richie’s plane touched down at about 7 pm that night a small drive outside of Derry. He was exhausted, jetlagged, and really didn’t want to rehash old wounds by seeing a sp e cific someone, but there wasn’t really much of a choice there. He had already made the deci s ion that this trip was too important to risk passing up, and he’d have to face him at some point. There was no point in hiding in his room until everyone  else was back from dinner. Plus, it was a good opportunity to get piss drunk and forget everything his mind forced him to remember only a few hours earlier. 

He left the airport with a nice new rental car, his phone’s GPS taking him right to the townhouse where he’d be staying along with everyone else. In his tired haze, he mumbled to himself, trying to talk himself through his anxious worries. “what if I see him before the Jade Orient? What if he’s  _ at _ the townhouse when I arrive and we have to face each other alone?” he shook his head. “no, that  won't happen, Mike already text me and said they’re only waiting for me and Stanley, so that means Eddie’s already at the restaurant.”  he rationalized his fears of an awkward encounter at the townhouses, though there was another, greater fear lingering in his head  pertaining to the same person.

What if there were still lingering feelings? He hadn’t seen or thought about, or even remembered Eddie existed for 20 years. not really being able to properly move on and instead get full-on amnesia could contribute to feelings still lingering. The thought of him did make his heart fluttery, but his memories were only those of their youth and the few collage-grade years they had been together. “no.” Richie muttered to himself. “I....I _can’t_ let myself get caught up in him. I have....a boyfriend. I have a boyfriend who’s a saint for putting up with my bullshit.” he sighed. “Steven.....Steven doesn’t deserve this.... and I don’t deserve to still have him.” Steven put up with so much shit from Richie. He's got it all, from his bouts of depressive drinking to his unwillingness to come out to the public. Steven was more than happy to be open about their relationship, but Richie was still stuck in the 1980s in a small bigoted town. Maybe his amnesia is the reason he’d never grown from that point in his life. Maybe his subconscious was still, quite literally, stuck in that time and place. 

In any case, he was lucky Steven hadn’t broken up with him yet, and wouldn’t be surprised if he’d get a text at some point during his trip that just says, “Sorry to be so abrupt and blunt, but you’re an insufferable cunt and I'm breaking up with you. And  also I quit.” he’d honestly think any verbal, or written, abuse would be reasonably fair, at this point. Especially considering this wasn’t Richie’s first offense. 

When Steven mentioned a ‘last time’, he wasn’t just referring to Richie missing a big show. Richie had attempted to run away once before. It was a little after the magic of his dream career died when they hired the ghostwriter and he had to resort to memorizing someone else’s jokes. Sure, he’d done that with SNL, but that was different. His times playing  Stefon and all his other various roles was honestly the highlight of his career. He thought moving on to solo routines would be a step up, but ultimately, he’d found that he wasn’t all that funny on his own. And then the ghostwriter came. And the dreading slowly crept in until he hated every moment of it. Only he had to act like he was as happy as he ever was.

After about two months, Richie just couldn’t take it anymore. He took an unprompted trip across the country, finding himself in Baltimore Maryland. This was around the time Richie and Steven started dating. Steven had been Richie’s producer since the beginning, and their more intimate relationship started not too long ago. And then Richie ran away, and Steven not only had to search for him, but he was worried sick and scared that Richie might have been killed or kidnapped. 

But no. Richie was in Baltimore, drunk and high, wasting himself away. They found him after he had  ODed on a meth bender and a few “fans” had found him, broadcasting his misery online for everyone to see. 

Thankfully, that “incident” didn’t ruin his life. It was just a large hurdle he had to push himself over. And, after a long stay in rehab and a long-winded apology to the public for his laps of character, he slowly worked his way back into the limelight and re-gained trust. 

\-------------------------------------------------

By the time Richie got to the Jade, everyone, besides Stan and himself, had sat down and started to talk and catch up. Richie felt his heart pounding in his chest as he rounded the corner into the small sectioned off area Mike had booked for them. As if walking into class late, everyone stopped talking and all eyes were on him. It was fucking awkward. “ ....hey ~” Richie  managed to squeak out like a boy going through puberty. He cleared his throat. “don’t ..... imagine you guys remember me, huh?”

“oh, Rich, of course we do!” Beverly exclaimed getting up to hug him. Bill, Mike, and Ben followed suit, the four of them taking turns with the Richie hugs. Eddie, however, stayed put in his seat, eyes focused on his glass of  brandy , swirling the ice cubes around. He had a sour expression. That expression shot Richie  In the heart. 

“Richie!  Sh -shit, man, what ha-hap-happened to you?” Bill joked, grinning.

“oh  haha , I know, I look like a  washed-up comedian, don’t I?” Richie played along, hugging Bill.

“no way, man, you look good!” Ben spoke up.

“thank you for coming, Rich, It....it means a lot....” Mike spoke low and Richie nodded.

“of course, man.... we ....made an oath, right?”

Mike smiled. “right. Right, we did.” he gave Richie a pat on the back , and they all filed back into their seats.

Richie was sat next to Eddie. The only other seat empty was Stan’s, and he was tempted to switch with the absent man but opted to just suck it up and sit down. He could feel the tension waft over him as he sat, eying Eddie who still refused to look up from his drink. “ ....it’s nice to see you too, Eds....” Richie spoke low as the others started to talk amongst themselves again.

Eddie let out a deep sigh. He was still not ready to face Richie. He was still processing everything he’d remembered from their past. He first remembered Richie when he was browsing the few  channels he could get on the plane’s complimentary in-flight tv. He landed on the comedy channel, where they were playing Richie’s  Trashmouth Tour, one of his first comedy tours across the US. As soon as he heard the name Richie Tozier, his heart started to skip and his hands got clammy. He remembered him, their relationship. He remembered it as magical and filled with love and affection, but there was a bitterness behind those magical feelings. 

It only hit him when Richie made a joke about his college years. This was back in his prime when he was writing most of his jokes himself. He mentioned his ‘ ex-girlfriend ’, and Eddie’s blood boiled. And then he remembered exactly why there was bitter feelings toward Richie.

A deep sigh was all Richie got as a response. Oh, Richie remembered what happened in college, and he hated himself for it deeply. But he got something out of it he’d never trade for the world, so ..... really, it was a bittersweet mistake. “ ..... Eddie, I'm....” he started, but decided this wasn’t the time or place. “come to my room later. We need to talk this out.”

“there’s nothing to  _ talk out _ , Richie. It's done....” Eddie finally  managed to speak up, just as low. 

“....Eddie....”

“oh, that reminds me! Rich, how’s Sophia doing?” Beverly spoke up, addressing Richie and the others turned to him. Bill grinned. 

“oh shit, that’s r-r-right! Holy  fu -fuck, I never pieced that together,  fu -fuckin' Richie Tozier was the fir-first of us to have a kid!” 

“wait....really?!” Mike was  shocked. He was the only one of them who didn’t pay any attention to the media, so obviously he wouldn’t have known. “you have a  _ kid _ ?!”

Richie smiled, chuckling. “ yeeeeah .... yeah, uh ....long story.”

“you knocked a girl up in college, how is that a long fuckin story?” Eddie spoke, arms crossed. Richie tried his best not to let his hurt show. 

“yeah, well ....she’s doing great, anyway. Um.....actually....she started her first semester abroad in France.” he smiled brightly, the shine of a proud dad on his face. 

“ I bet you’re just a wreck, huh? She ever  go that far without you before?” Ben asked, taking a sip of his drink.

“no, actually, I mean she is only twenty. And yes, for the record, I  _ am  _ a fuckin’ hot mess about it.” Richie had been a single dad ever since his last year of college. His girlfriend, the woman he got pregnant, left him and the baby for a foreign model. She said she didn’t want anything to do with a washed-up, unfunny comedian. Not even their fucking child. She was low life scum, and obviously, in his early days, he cracked jokes about her.

He had to make it on his own with a child to look after, and no matter how much you may hate his acts, you can never say he wasn’t a great dad.

“But, hey, Ben, what the fuck, I mean what happened to  _ you,  _ dude?” Richie changed the subject, knowing a conversation about his child wouldn’t sit well with getting Eddie to stop death glaring at his glass. 

Ben smiled slightly, a bit embarrassed. “okay, yeah, I mean obviously I lost a few pounds.” 

“a  _ few _ ? I mean, damn, you’re like—you're  _ hot _ !” 

Eddie shrugged. “it’s true.” despite his brooding, he couldn’t deny that Richie was right. Ben was, indeed, smoking hot. 

Grinning, Richie elbowed Eddie slightly. “right!? Like, damn, you’re like ....every Brazilian soccer player rolled up into one! Gorgeous!” 

Eddie couldn’t help but agree again. He sat up straight, checking Ben out himself. “yeah. Yeah, that sums it up about right.” who knew all it took for Eddie to stop brooding was bonding over how hot Ben was. 

Ben was now even more  embarrassed , looking down and breathing out a faint chuckle. 

“aw, common, guys, you’re  embarrassing him!” Bev spoke, patting Ben on the back. 

“Okay, okay, enough!” Ben threw his hands up,  though he was still smiling all the same. “is Stanley coming, or what?” he gestured to the empty chair next to Richie.

“Stanley....right...” Richie spoke, biting his lip. It had been about ten minutes since Richie had  ar r ived , and no one had heard from Stan all day. 

Mike checked his phone, sighing. “no new texts....” 

“...well ....maybe we should, um.....start without him? Just for now?”

“Yeah, I'm fucking starving, man!” Richie exclaimed. “ screw Stanley, he’s too much of a baby to come anyways.”

With the mutual notion that Stanley wasn’t going to show up, the group started their night. Although Mike continuously checked his phone for new messages or calls or anything, he tried to not let it get to him.  He did have a bad feeling, however. Something didn’t settle in right with the situation. 

At first, Stan hadn’t moved all that far away. He was only a few towns over, and while his memory was a bit fuzzy, it wasn’t all gone. Mike and Stan had kept in contact for the most part up until his move to New York just last year when him and Patty bought their new house. He had made it clear that, no matter what, he’d be there. Even if his memory completely leaves him, he  won't back down, even if he has to sacrifice everything. He knew about the Ritual of  Chud , he knew just how important it was for him to show up, so why was it that he wasn’t here? It didn’t sit well with him at all.

\-----------------------------------------------

An hour passed, everyone was drunk and carrying on. As the evening went on, Eddie seemed to get less and less tense toward Richie. Either that, or he was just too drunk to care. It didn’t matter, they were back to their old bantering selves again. 

Eddie had mentioned that he was married sometime down the line and Richie’s heart sank. Richie was taken, why did this information hurt so much? There really  was some lingering feelings there, huh? 

“wait- Eddie, you got married?”

“yeah? Why is that so funny,  _ dickwad _ ?” Eddie spat back, knowing Richie was going to make this into some sort of joke. 

“to like....what? To a—a man, or?”

“Hey,  _ fuck you,  _ bro _.”  _

“n-no, I.....I'm serious, dude, I mean come on, Eddie,  _ we  _ dated for  _ six years _ , man, it’s a perfectly reasonable question to ask!”

Eddie sighed, massaging his temple. “no. No, I have a wife, Rich.” Richie’s grin fell. Not only was the love of his life married, but he was married to a woman. He could have sworn Eddie was gay. Maybe it was a phase, after all. 

“come on, Richie, are  _ you _ married?” 

“oh, there’s no  waay Richie’s married!” Ben and Bev interjected, cutting Richie’s thoughts off. 

“oh, no, I got married!” 

“no!” Bill spoke.

“Yeah, I did!”

“you’re  _ married _ !?” and then it was Eddie’s turn for his own heart to sink. There was no way he still had feelings for Richie....was there? Richie had forgotten about him and cheated on him, and their last encounter was not at all pleasant, so why was his heart still racing at the thought of Richie not being  available ?

“you didn’t hear that I got married?”

“ _ no! _ "

“yeah, I mean, your mom and I are very happy together.” 

Bill spat out his drink as he started to laugh and the rest followed. And suddenly, Eddie didn’t have any sinking feelings anymore other than pure regret. “he totally fell for it!”

Grunting, Eddie crossed his arms. “really, Rich? Really? A ‘your mom’ joke? She's not even the same mom!”

Richie shrugged. “she doesn’t have to be a huge fat person in order for me to make jokes about her.” he grinned. “now it’s funny  ‘cause she’s a lesbian. I can’t even get with her if I tried!” 

Bantering like this lasted a while, but it was all in good fun. they were all able to come together and carry on as if they’d seen each other just yesterday. It felt like that, at least. They were all so close as children and they’d forgotten, for the moment, that they were adults now. It didn’t matter why they were here, and most of them had no idea. It was only when one of them brought up how scared they were when Mike called  did they all realize this wasn’t just some losers club family reunion. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------

“what the  _ fuck _ , what the  _ fuck  _ did it mean by, ‘Guess Stanley could not jump home’!?” Richie exclaimed as the six friends fled the restaurant. After learning what their trip really meant and finding a sinister message hidden in their fortune cookies, IT made its presence known, throwing out gross amalgamations and dismembered body parts, sending the party into chaos. Though like everything IT throws at unexpecting victims, they were hallucinations. the fortune cookies, however, were completely real. 

“This ....this is just too much, this is-” Eddie began before heaving a breath, fumbling for his emergency inhaler and taking a few quivering puffs. 

Beverly paced a little ahead of the others, lost in deep thought. 

“you see- you see now,  _ this  _ is what it does, it  _ fucks _ with you!” Mike exclaimed, trying to keep everyone on the same page. 

“I'm s-sorry Mikey, this ....this is all just too crazy...” Ben shook his head, arms crossed.

“look, we  _ have  _ to, we made an  _ oath-!” _

_ “have to!?  _ Look, man, no offense, but fuck the oath, okay! We don’t owe this town  _ shit _ !” 

Bev took out her phone, looking over toward the others. “Mike, do you have Stan’s number?” Mike gave her his number, the others seeming to  halt their bickering for the moment to pay attention to what Beverly was doing. 

The phone rang for only a few moments before Patty Uris picked up. Her voice was  hoarse and sounded like she’d been crying. “...hello?” 

“h-hi ....Mrs. Uris, I'm an....old friend of your husband’s, is he there?”

“n. ..no. ..um....” she took a pause for a moment. “he-- he passed....” 

Beverly couldn’t help but let out a soft gasp but tried to contain herself for the grieving wife. “I....I'm so sorry....”

“oh- it was just....so horrible... the way he died....”

“...the bathtub....”

“ ....the bath-? No....Miss.....he- he jumped off a building!” and that’s when pure confusion wafted over Beverly. She saw Stan die, in the deadlights, she saw him die in the bath. But this.....he jumped off a building? “...they ....they just found his body, barely recognizable, if it hadn’t been for his suicide note, I wouldn’t have—oh god.....” she started to sob on the other end, though Beverly was still very much caught up on how different this was to how she had seen it. Were the deadlights wrong? Or was this Pennywise screwing with her?

“we’re all....so very sorry, Mrs. Uris....” and with that, Bev hung up, looking toward the others with teary eyes. They knew exactly what that meant. Stanley was dead. The only thing is, they didn’t understand how strange this all was. There was definitely something wrong here. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, a lot was piled into this short chapter. how do you feel about the information you've learned? how do you feel about Stanley's alternate death, and why is it so different to how Bev remembers it? let me know, in the comments, or just comment about the chapter in general! i love reading your comments, it gives me heaps of motivation, and i repond to everyone!


	3. Stanley did not take a bath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Richie tries to talk about their past with Eddie, and everyone has a conversation about Stan's death and Bev's visions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is a very small trigger break in this chapter for depiction of suicide.

Mike knew what this meant. Mike knew  _ exactly _ what this meant. It meant that Stanley had let himself become  vulnerable to IT’s influence. Stanley had promised Mike, no more than a year ago, that he would be back no matter what. No matter what he had to do and how he had to do it, he would be back, but he caved into the tight grip IT had on him and found himself rather being splattered against the pavement than back in Derry’s sewer system. 

Beverly’s face was a mix of confusion, worry, and hurt. She was grieving over the loss of her friend that she had only remembered was so important in their lives moments ago, but how it happened ....she still couldn’t understand why or how the visions she witnessed were wrong. It was so vivid, and even now, 27 years later, closing her eyes and picturing it was so real. 

Ben could tell by Beverly’s face and the conversation he half-listened to that there was something off about this situation. Beverly had said ‘the bathtub’ before Patty had time to say what actually happened. Why did she think she was going to say something about a bathtub? The confusion on Bev’s face after she realized she was wrong only sealed the deal that this was more than just a suicide.

“fuck this....” Richie spoke, planting his hands in his pockets. He hated this town. He hated it with a passion. Patrick H ocksetter was there, playing chess or talking about his feelings in the psych ward while Richie was out here, being attacked by a demonic clown and told he had to help kill it. No, fuck that, he had enough shit to worry about. Besides, Richie couldn’t stand being in the same town as Patrick any longer. “ _ Fuck _ all of this. I mean it was, uh ..... _ nice _ catching up or whatever.... and no offence, but,” he laughed “personally, Derry isn’t the land of sunshine and rainbows for me. I mean, Mike, I don’t know if this dawned on you, but uh.... I  _ just  _ remembered I was raped in this town like, four hours ago so I'd much rather  _ not _ be here and deal with that on top of this clown shit, alright?”

Mike sighed. He remembered what happened to Richie, of course he did, it was horrible and so soon after their fight in the sewers. Richie was known around Derry as the kid who was molested under the bridge. Anyone who was around at that time remembered that. The conviction of the “killer” of the missing children made this case a lot more impactful than it would have been, otherwise. Adding Eddie’s mom’s brutal murder by the same kid who raped Richie just pushed this small town even further into preventing any more attacks.

Kids had curfews every night from then on, 7 pm on the dot. Any later and you’ll be slapped with a fine and escorted home by cops. police patrolled in more places on a daily basis, especially the bridge and the junkyard, and the mayor implemented laws saying children were not permitted near the sewer entrance and there was no longer a ‘wait 24 hours to report a missing person’ law. Those events changed Derry’s way of living forever. “...Richie...” Mike tried, but was cut off before he could even speak.

“no. Sorry, man, I really am, but.....I'm going home before this ends worse than one of Bill’s books. Who's with me?” he put his hand up and Eddie did as well.

“yeah...yeah, sorry, Mike, but ....I can’t....be back here, either.” Eddie spoke,  Turing to walk with Richie. 

“Eddie, wait!” Mike tried to follow and Eddie turned to face him, walking backward as he talked. 

“listen, what?! We stay, we die? I'm not dying here, man, okay? Look, I'm  gonna go back to the hotel, I'm  gonna pack up my shit, and I'm  gonna go home to my wife. I'm sorry, man, good luck.” he turned and jogged to his car, driving off right behind Richie. 

“I'm heading back too... you coming?” Beverly spoke to Ben as she lit a cigarette and started walking off.

“...yeah.” Ben sighed, walking after her. “should’a told us, Mikey...” 

\--------------------------------------------------------

Richie and Eddie, being the first to leave the parking lot, were the first to arrive back at the Inn. The two fled up to their rooms to grab their things so they could flee out of there faster than they came in. Richie’s things never left their suitcase, all he had done was get his keys, put his bags in the room and leave, so he was ready within a few seconds. Eddie, however, had taken his time to unpack and put away his things, so he had a little more to do. 

Richie sat on his Inn room bed, hunched over, face in his hands. This had all been a nightmare. He had to wake up soon. Why did he even come? As soon as the memories of that night came back to him, he should have called Mike back up and canceled right then. Being there felt wrong, off, and completely triggering. Even the Inn worker had recognized him when he got there, not as the famous comedian he was, but as the molested kid from 1989. He might as well have been 14 again by the way they looked at him as soon as they heard his name. “Richie Tozier.... the one from that trial back in the 80s? I'm so sorry, kid....” the old man working the counter had said to him, as if it had happened to him just this morning. It might as well  had , with the intrusive way the memories flashed into his mind. So vivid and real. 

In all of this, he also thought about Eddie. He was right next door to him, packing his bags, this was the one and only time he’d ever have to talk out their past. They'd be leaving soon, and they’d forget each other again anyway, so if it didn’t go over well, it didn’t matter, but he had to do something,  _ say  _ something to make things right. Their last encounter was not at all pleasant, to say the least. Richie could still hear Eddie’s voice, hurt and broken, screaming “you bastard” and “ I fucking hate you”. It had hurt so bad to see him like that, to know it was his fault he was like that, and he never got the chance to make amends. Now was his chance to try. 

**_Knock_** ** _knock_** **_knock_**

Richie rapped on the door to Eddie’s inn room, waiting patiently for an answer. It took Eddie a few minutes, and Richie almost thought he had missed him when the door swung open. “what?” Eddie said coldly and  Richie's body tensed.

“um.... Eds, hey, we need to talk.”

“talk about what? There's nothing to talk about, Rich. It's  _ done _ . It was done twenty years ago.” he tried to shut the door, But Richie’s hand stopped it.

“please, Eddie, just....” he sighed deeply. “I'm sorry, okay? It-- ….. I made a mistake...and I don’t expect you to forgive me for it, but I just.....needed to  _ talk to you _ .”

“you forgot... it took you only one fuck up to completely forget, while I had been methodically forcing myself  _ not _ to forget. It broke my god damned heart, Richie, but I've....moved on, and well...you should, too.” Eddie shrugged. “first loves aren’t always your last. They very rarely are.”

“...Eddie...” Richie tried to speak up but found himself unable to. Eddie was right. Richie hadn’t moved on. Even when he had forgotten everything about his past, he found himself unable to completely feel love for anyone. He never understood why, but now he knew. Eddie was still his soulmate, and it was  devastating to know that he had moved on. 

“goodbye, Rich...” Eddie spoke as if it were the last  time they’d ever speak to each other again, and honestly, it was. All Richie had to do was grab his bags and that was it. He was out of there and back across the country. 

Eddie shut the door and Richie was left in the hallway alone.

\------------------------------------------------------

“Bev, you have to talk to me...” Ben pleaded, following Beverly into the lobby where she proceeded to make herself at home behind the liquor counter. There was no staff left in the Inn, they had all went home already. Very odd that the place didn’t have a night shift staff, but at this point, they all had bigger issues to worry about. 

Beverly proceeded to pour herself a glass of whiskey, cigarette hanging from her mouth. When she didn’t respond, Ben continued. “back there....I heard you, you said ‘the bathtub’, but she said he jumped.... why did you assume he died in the bath? It wasn’t just a guess, I saw your face, you looked confused....”

“Please, Ben... I can’t...” she tried to walk  passed him, but he followed her. 

“Beverly, come on, talk to me, like we used to.” Beverly proceeded into the main lobby, ringing the bell at the front desk. No one was there, as they had previously seen, so she made her way behind the counter to locate her keys herself. “what _happened,_ Bev?”

“I knew....” Bev spoke low, looking off into the distance with a faraway stare. “I saw ..... I knew Stan was going to die, but the way it happened....” she shook her head. 

“wait, what do you mean you knew Stan was going to die?” Richie spoke up from behind them. He had made his way down the stairs, only getting half of their conversation. 

Beverly turned to Richie, tears staining her cheeks. “...I saw it....” she turned back to Ben. “I saw....I saw  _ all _ of us die...” 

“holy shit,  bev ...” Ben began before Eddie made his way down the stairs with his suitcases. He  halted at the bottom of the steps, seeing that everyone was still there, and staring at him. 

“oh, uh....figured...figured you’d all be....gone by now. Why are you...staring at me like that?” 

\------------------------

Pacing the floor of the lobby, Eddie spoke frantically. “okay, so you’ve...’seen us all die’, like how like in nightmares or something? We all have nightmares, Bev, that doesn’t .... necessarily mean they’re true...!”

“...Eddie....I've been having these ....nightmares every night since I left Derry...” she looked toward him, tears in her eyes yet a serious look on her face that made chills go up the three boys’ spines. “I've seen...every single one of us....”

“y-you’ve seen every single o-o-one of us...w-what?” Bill and Mike walked into the room, Bill setting himself slowly down next to Bev, giving her a concerned look. 

“...die....Bill, I've seen us all die....butt....-”

“how come none of us are seeing that shit, why is it just  _ her _ ?” Richie interjected, addressing his question to Mike since he knew Mike was the only one here who could really answer that question. 

“the deadlights. She was.....she was the only one of us caught in the deadlights that night. Remember?”

“...oh shit...” Richie muttered.

“the deadlights....” Eddie reiterated, gasping a bit for air as he fumbled to find his  inhaler . 

“We were all infected by IT that night. Every one of us. And if we don’t do something about it,  _ end _ it this time...”

“we die....” Bill finished Mike’s thought. “we have to kill it.... to p- preve -vent  anythi -thing else happening to-to us ..... _ and _ to the k-kids in this town....”

“How the hell are we supposed to do that if it didn’t work the first time?”

Beverly still had a far-off look in her eyes, and Ben’s concern grew. He sat next to her. “ Bev , are you okay?” he spoke low, only for her to hear as the others bickered in the background.

“it...it didn’t....it didn’t happen the same way...” Beverly spoke, just as quiet, eyes not moving from her stare. 

“what? What didn’t happen the same way?”

“The Ritual of Chud.... ‘all living things must abide by the shape they inhabit’. The-the ritual will--”

“a fucking _tribal ritual_? There's _gotta_ be another way. This thing comes back, what, every 27 years? Let's just kick the can down the road and do it then!”

“we’ll be 70 years old, asshole!”

“that’s not how it works! If we don’t beat it  _ now _ , we all die! One way or another, tomorrow or in a year, we’ll  _ all _ be dead.” 

Richie thought about his daughter. She may be an adult now, but he couldn’t possibly leave her like that. He was all she had for a parent, and after his ‘trip’ the year before, he was still trying to gain her trust. What would she think of him if he just up and died and left her alone?

“guys...” Ben spoke up, getting their attention back to Beverly. Once they were all quiet and listening, he leaned into Bev. “go ahead, Bev, say what you need to say...”

She looked up at the others, sniffling as she whipped tears from her cheeks. “Stan’s death.... the way it happened... he jumped off a building, but ....the way I saw it. In the deadlights ....He was supposed to die....-” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

( tw for depiction of suicide)

suddenly, the memory of Stan’s supposed death, the one she had dreamt about roughly 20 years ago, flashed in her eyes. His body in the bathtub, eyes cold and grey, wrists spit open and dark blood spilling over the ledge and into the water. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She let out a small gasp and closed her eyes tight. “ ....the bath... the way I saw it, he....cut his wrists in the bath....” 

“ shhhhit ..... oh fuck....” Eddie had to take another hit of his inhaler, backing up to sit on a chair in the room. 

“wait, so ..... so he  _ didn’t _ die how he was supposed to?” Richie asked, shrugging. “that’s ....well , it’s not  _ good,  _ but it’s good, right? That means the deadlights ....aren’t 100% accurate?” 

Mike sighed. “dammit, it—it doesn’t matter if they’re not 100% accurate on  _ how _ it happens, the point is it  _ will _ happen if we don’t stop it for good. And the ritual ....the ritual will help that. But we  _ all _ need to be here to do it.” 

“he’s right....” Bev spoke, breathing out slow, voice a bit louder than it had been. “we can’t take the risk. We need to get this done and prevent anyone dying any further....” 

Mike nodded, eyes down. “ ....yeah .” he couldn’t help but replay his last encounter with stan. Stan had been so sure of himself, so determined to be there ‘no matter what’. He knew how important this entire thing was, so why was it that he allowed IT to consume him at the last possible second? 

As mike pondered and the rest, thankfully, agreed to stay, the door swung open and footsteps approached the lobby. 

Everyone turned around, waiting to see who this new person could be. Was it a night shift worker, just very late to their shift? Or was it someone else entirely?

When the new person rounded the corner, everyone’s faces fell and they became  speechless .

“....h-holly f-f-fuck....”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh man, do i love me some cliffhangers! who's this new stranger? 
> 
> we also get a tad bit more info on what happened between Eddie and Richie 20 years ago! 
> 
> thank you for reading, and i hope you liked it! please leave feedback in the comments, or maybe some theories, or questions/concerns/ect! i love reading your comments, and i respond back to everyone, so let's get chatting!
> 
> ALSO, I just wanted to take this time to mention i am working on the last chapter for the mini 10,000 hit milestone fic "Ring pops make great engagement rings". i am so sorry it's taking so long, i'm just struggling to find a way to make the chapter not far too short! i should have just made it a bit of a longer one shot, but i paniced when the fic hit 10,000, so now i'm stuck. it'll be up eventually, though!


	4. who's that stranger?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the losers get an unexpected visit that none of them are prepared for, and Richie attempts to have a good night despite everything.

“what the  _ fuck!?”  _ Richie exclaimed, practically tripping out of his chair to stand up and scurry away from the doorway.

“ is..is this Pennywise!? This-this has to be Pennywise, right?” Eddie panicked, backing up along with Richie. 

Ben stood, arms out in a protectant stance. They all stood in shock at the figure standing in front of them in the doorway. It was Stanley. Older, with darker hair and tired baggy eyes, but they could tell it was Stanley. He still had the same face. And the scars on his cheeks from IT gave it away, as well. 

But it was impossible. How the hell could Stanley be there,  in front of them, when he was found spattered on the pavement just a few hours ago? The only explanation they could come up with was Pennywise. Fucking with them, yet again. 

“he’s not real, he’s not real,” Richie repeated eyes glued shut, hoping closing his eyes like a small child with a scary shadow in his room would make him go away. 

Stan sighed, rolling his eyes. “ I'm guessing you talked to my wife?”

“S- st - st-sta-Stanley ?” Bill Muttered out, eyes filled with tears of joy but face utterly confused. “h-how....?” 

He shrugged. “ I swore, right?”

“stan!” Mike exclaimed, pulling the other into his arms.

“Mikey, watch out!” Ben spoke, the three still not trusting it’s really him. 

Mike practically ignored them, though. He knew Stanley. He knew him at this stage in their lives more than anyone else, even more than his wife, and he knew right away this was the real deal. The two of them held each other close for an oddly long amount of time. A wave of awkwardness wafted over the room, Bill darting his eyes around before clearing his throat.

“we-we thought.....we thought you were dead, Stan....” Mike’s voice was low, and it cracked as tears started to fall onto Stanley’s shoulder.

Stan’s lips turned up in a small smile. “I told you, Mikey.... I promised I'd be back. No matter  _ what _ I had to do....” 

Mike pulled from Stan’s arms, staring into his eyes with concern. “what ..... what  _ did _ you have to do, Stan....?” 

He sighed. “....I'll, um....I'll explain later....” 

Beverly slowly walked toward Stan, Mike stepping away. “hey, Bev.” Stan spoke, not sure how to take the way she looked at him. With furrowed brows, squinted eyes and a slightly opened mouth. As if she were trying to process what was in front of her and what she thought she knew to be true. Though this expression turned furious as she drew her arm back and gave him a hard slap across the face.

“oh, shit!”  Mike jumped a bit , flinching out of instinct as he was very close to having Stan knocked right into him. He was ready to catch him if he needed to, but Stan only fumbled  slightly . 

“ Bev !” Ben exclaimed, shock in his voice. 

Stan gave a deep sigh, touching his now red and stinging cheek. “....right.... nice to see you, too...” he wasn’t surprised. If  Beverly talked to his wife, seeing him here was bound to piss her off.

“what the fuck did you do, Stanley!? Your wife thinks you’re dead!  _ We _ thought you were dead!” 

“..... I said I'll explain later, okay....?” he rubbed his cheek, looking around the room. “it’s late. We should ....all get some rest and meet back here tomorrow morning.” he looked to Mike. “I'll be ....staying with you tonight, Mikey?” 

Mike nodded and Bill fell in confusion. Stay with Mike? Bill had been the only one of the losers to see Mike’s ‘home’, if you could call it that. It was more like the attic in the library converted into a studio apartment. But he saw it. It was one large room, and there was only one bed. “yeah. Yeah, d-definitely.” Mike smiled, making his way to the doorway with Stan before turning back to the others and darting his eyes between the five of them. “ ....we meet here, in the lobby, tomorrow at seven. We'll go out for a quick breakfast and then ..... then we’ll get down to business.” 

\---------------------------------------

They all agreed to stay. After hearing they’d all end up dead if they didn’t kill it this time, they agreed, even if Stan didn’t actually die. Pennywise had been screwing with them back at the restaurant. He knew Stan was alive, he knew he didn’t succeed in killing him, but  _ how _ did stan end up surviving a fall off a building? According to Patty, he was unrecognizable. That wasn’t something you just up and walk away from. 

But at this point, Richie had bigger fish to fry. He'd tackle why and how his best childhood friend was back from the dead in the morning. Right now, god or whatever divine being was out there graciously gave him more time to convince Eddie to talk to him. 

He made his way back to Eddie’s room once they all retired to bed. 

“Richie, what the fuck.” Eddie stated rather than asked, standing in the doorway. He had a shower cap on his head and a green face mask on his face. Wow, he got to work on his nightly  routine fast. 

Richie grinned slightly. “hey, Shrek, can I talk to eds-”

“fuck off, rich.” Eddie went to shut the door and Richie stopped him. 

“Okay, fine, serious time.” he grunted, pushing the door open. “ _ please _ talk to me, Eddie.” 

Eddie breathed out a deep sigh, leaning on the doorframe. “.....give me a minute.” and he pushed Richie’s hand off the door and shut it. 

And now Richie was outside the door alone again, but Eddie told him to give him a minute, so he did. He leaned on the wall, breathing deep and running a hand through his hair. “you’re just  gonna talk to him, Rich.... just.... _ talk _ . You have a boyfriend, remember? A....boyfriend....who....”

The door opened once again, Eddie’s face mask and hair net now off. “make it quick, I have a system to maintain here.” he stepped back to let Richie in and the other walked passed into the room. He sat down on the bed, hands planted on either side of himself and hunched over. He....had absolutely no idea how to start this conversation.

Eddie took the rains, thankfully. “so? You want to explain what happened 20 years ago?” he pulled up a chair in front of Richie, giving him his full attention. “I'm all ears.”

“right....” Richie nodded, sitting up. “it was....well, four months after the new school year began. I had been doing our ....planned out  routine , writing your name any time I felt myself slipping, carried pictures of you in my wallet, all that.....shit...”

“shit?”

“you know what I mean....” he shook his head. “Eddie, I'm a fucking idiot, okay?” he started to tear up. “my roommate invited me to a party, I shouldn’t have  gone , but I did. I got.....wasted and forgot our routine. You're right, it only took one fuck up to forget, and I hate myself for it so much, Eds....” his tears started to fall. “and I'm.....I'm sorry, Eddie.....I'm so sorry....”

“what I want to know is ..... how long....after that did you and. .... _ her _ start dating?”

Richie was silent for a moment, looking down. “we hooked up that night.” 

“ _ fuck,  _ Rich!”

“look, Eddie, for all I knew I was a single college student, drunk at a party with a hot woman trying to take me home! So I.... _ let her.  _ and that’s when we made my daughter. And I'm so...sorry, but I would not change that for  _ anything.... _ " Richie loved his daughter. He loved her more than anyone or anything he’s ever loved. She was his rock, his saving grace, the entire reason he was still alive. Without her, he would have let the drugs and booze take him years ago. 

Eddie wasn’t surprised. Not surprised in the slightest. But was he hurt? A bit. 

“are we done ..... now?” Eddie asked, looking down.

Richie nodded. “yeah.... yeah, we’re done.” 

“good....” Eddie nodded, looking back up. “now get the fuck out of my room, Rich....” 

\-------------------------------------------------------

Richie tried to sleep, but he couldn’t. Insomnia still plagued him, even as an adult. It didn’t help that he was still haunted with thoughts about Eddie. That conversation didn’t help much. He got a chance to explain, but Eddie didn’t seem to want to discuss anything. Just listen and tell him to leave when he was done. It just made everything worse. 

And then he got a phone call.

At about 10 pm that night, Richie’s phone rang and he felt dread wash over him when he saw Steven’s name on the caller ID.  Reluctantly , he answered. “hey, Steve, what’s up-”

“Richie, this is important, so please don’t  interrupt ....”

“.....okay.” Richie knew by Steven’s tone where this was going. 

There was a long pause, felt like ages before Steven spoke back up. “I'm just going to cut to the chase. Rich, I can’t keep doing this.  I can’t just--…....I can’t  _ pretend _ we don’t have something anymore. I can’t continue to be in a relationship that I have to keep behind closed doors.” he went silent again, and Richie  prepared himself to hear those words he knew was long overdue. “Richie, we need to break up.”

“.....yeah.... yeah, you’re right, we do....” he gave a quivered sigh. He was taking this harder than he thought he would, but he wouldn’t let it show. “I've....seen this coming for a while now. So, if you’re worried about hurting my feelings--….well, it does hurt....but I'm not surprised by it.”

There was silence again before Steven spoke back up. “ so it’s settled, then? We’ll just ....keep this strictly professional from here on out.”

“Right, yeah. Professional.” 

“Alright, well ....get some sleep, Rich.... I'll see you in Reno....” 

The phone line went dead, and Richie sat there in silence in the dark Inn room. 

After minutes that felt like hours of staring into nothing, he decided to get some fresh air. Richie hopped into his car and made his way into town. He remembered, as a kid, a bar in town square. A bar his father steered clear of any time they’d walk through town, especially after Richie’s  assault . A bar he had only ever seen men come and go from. 

He now knew that bar as Derry’s very own gay bar. He wondered if it was still in business. He was ready for a drink and a good time. 

\------------------------------------------------------

The Falcon, surprisingly, was just as lively as it was back in the 70s and 80s.  Maybe even more lively now that being gay was seen as ‘normal’. Although, after Adrien Mellon’s murder just the other day, it seems this small town was still stuck in the past. 

The door bell chimed as Richie made his way into the bar. He wasn’t worried about fans seeing him walk into a gay bar, at this point he couldn’t care less about speculation. He could see the headlines now: famous comedian Richie Tozier seen walking into a gay bar in the small town of Derry, Maine. Even worse if he ended up walking out of here with a guy on his arm. Let's just see how the night ends.

He sauntered up to the bar, taking a seat at the end. Hunched over, not looking up to the bartender, he sighed. “a  whiskey , please.” 

“Richie?” the voice was familiar. Like someone he knew from the past. His head shot up, meeting the face of Vic Criss, the former bully turned bodyguard, behind the counter. He looked the same, though more aged and his hair was slicked back and face had stubble.

“....Vic?? shit—wait, what the hell are you doing working at the  _ Falcon? _ " Although you didn’t need to be gay in order to work at the gay bar, the former owner would attest to that, it still struck him as out of place.

Vic gave Richie a side grin, leaning on the bar. “well, it’s a....bit of a long story, but Reg and I  sorta .....bought the place from the former owner?” Richie couldn’t believe his ears. Reg and I? He was talking about Belch, right? From what he  recalled, Belch’s real name was Reginald.

Vic Criss and Belch Huggins bought a gay bar together. 

“well shit.” Richie wasn’t dumb, he knew what this meant. Admittedly, though, of all the people in this town to turn out to be gay, Vic and Belch were the last ones he’d guess. But it made sense, confusingly enough. They were both very close, and the fact that they accepted him and Eddie’s relationship right away ....yeah , on  second thought, it was plainly obvious. “so, uh ....you and Belch, huh?” Richie asked as he was handed his whiskey. 

Vic grimaced and cringed at the nickname. He hadn’t heard that in years. “oh, he doesn’t go by that anymore. He's just Reg now. But, uh.....yeah.... we’ve, um ....been together since our late 20s, actually.”

“well, that’s uh ..... surprising?” he grinned,  cheerse-ing his whiskey glass. “cheers to you two, anyway.” he took a long swig, grunting as he set the glass down. 

“what about you?” Richie looked up. “you and Eddie still a thing?” his face fell and he shook his head.

“....no... no, we.....haven’t been together since college....” he looked off into the  distance , nodding. “yeah, I, um ..... fucked up real bad.”

“you don’t seem like you’re quite over it.”

“no, I'm...I guess I'm not....” he chuckled, swigging down the rest of his whiskey. “let’s ....go for a rum and coke, this time...” he handed off his glass to Vic and he just nodded with a sympathetic smile, walking off to make the drink. 

Richie sat hunched over, toying his  hands on the counter in front of him, spacing out for a while before a voice spoke up behind him.

“Richie Tozier?”

“...sorry, um....not....taking autographs right now.” he just assumed it was a fan. It had to be a fan, he didn’t recognize the voice at all. But his face fell when he heard what was said next.

“no, no, It’s me.....Connor!”

“Connor Bowers!”

Richie looked up and froze. It was, indeed, Connor fucking Bowers. Older, a bit different, but still Connor Bowers. What were the odds?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, a lot happened in this one chapter. first Stan's back? how's that possible? and a tiny bit more on Richie and Eddie's past, but Eddie doesn't seem over it yet. and Steven with the cold breakup over the phone. poor Richie! 
> 
> but now Connor is here! what a surprise, I wonder how this night will end?


	5. old friends and bad decitions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in wich Richie gets drunk, catches up with some old friends, and makes some questionable choices.

“ Mmmm ....” Richie groaned as light shown in through the blinds. His head was spinning, he felt like shit. The lights were way too bright, peaking through his closed eyelids no matter how hard he squeezed them tight. How much did he have to drink? He didn’t remember having anything more than a whiskey and a rum & coke, but come to think of it, he didn’t remember much about last night. He knew him and Vic caught up, then there was Connor Bowers, and Belch- I mean Reg came in, and— Connor bowers.

Conner fucking bowers.

Richie quickly sat up in bed, frantically looking around the room. He wasn’t in his hotel room. He didn’t recognize this place at all, actually. Where the hell  was he?

Hearing and feeling shuffling next to him, he looked down, eyes going wide as he saw the man in the bed next to him. It was Connor. Holy shit, what the fuck did he do last night?

======================================

“Connor?” Richie spoke in a questioning tone, brows cocked. What was Connor Bowers doing in Derry? He didn’t live here when they were kids, just visited every so often. In fact, he and Connor had only met once. In the arcade  during the summer of 89. 

It was right after the  losers club had a huge falling out, after Richie and Bill physically fought, after Eddie’s arm broke, and after they attempted to fight IT in the  Nebolt house the first time. Richie had spent most of his summer youth in the arcade playing the same game over and over again. It was fun, he never got bored with it. On the day they fought, Richie was upset, and he took to Street Fighter for consoling. That's when Connor showed up. The kid had curly blonde hair, a cute smile, and captivating eyes. Also didn’t help that he was really hot too, and just Richie’s type, if he even had a type. As the day went on, Richie found the two of them subtly flirting, or at least that’s what he thought it was. All went crashing down, though, when Bowers and his gang walked in and he was practically outed in front of the entire arcade.

And Patrick.

Fucking Patrick was there, he had completely forgotten about that. The way he grinned wide and sinister, the way he watched Richie.... thinking back on it after the events that followed that summer....it was even more unsettling. 

Richie visibly shivered, arms going around himself. He closed his eyes and concentrated on not thinking about him. He couldn’t think about him. 

“Richie? Hey, you okay?” Connor sat down beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder, prompting a flinch from Richie. 

Vic came back with the rum and coke and sighed, placing it down. “Rich, he’s locked up.... he can’t get to  ya anymore.”

“.....I know..... I know, Vic....” that still didn’t stop the thoughts from barging in like a train wreck. Richie downed the glass in record time, hands still shaken.

Connor’s expression came across as concerned, but honestly, he was pretty confused. “who? Are you...talking about my cousin, or...?” Connor wasn’t in town when it happened. Connor had no idea what happened with Richie or with Eddie, he was completely ignorant of the entire event. They didn’t really visit after their only family in this town either died or was sent to the psych ward, so he didn’t really have an opportunity to learn, either. Connor only knew that Henry used to torment him and his friends. He only knew Henry to be the terrifying one in this town, but Henry wasn’t even close. At least in Richie’s mind. 

In all honesty, Richie hadn’t even thought about Henry. He wasn’t even a spec in his mind. It was all Patrick. “no...” Richie shook his head. “don’t.....don’t worry about it....” he thrust the glass forward. “another, please.”

“Richie--”

“ _ Vic _ .” he gave Vic a pleading look, tears threatening his eyes. “ _ please _ .” he just needed something.....anything to get the edge off. Anything to allow himself to let loose and forget again. He missed not remembering anything. 

Vic could see how distraught Richie was getting. It seemed 27 years was not enough for Richie to get over, or at least come to terms with, his ‘incident’, but Vic wasn’t really aware that Richie’s memory loss tossed him back in time as if it happened yesterday.  Reluctantly , Vic took the glass and made to fill it back up with a rum and coke.

Connor was still a bit worried. If it wasn’t his cousin, then who could it be? Who else was ‘locked up’ in this small town, and more importantly, who else tormented Richie so much that it gave the poor man  PTSD ? He wouldn’t pry, though, it was none of his business. They were merely acquaintances, after all. Maybe even less than that. 

Connor wanted to change the subject. Maybe talking about something completely different would help Richie calm down. Richie had the same idea, fortunately. “so, um...” Richie spoke, coughing a bit. “how’d you know it was me? I don’t necessarily look the same as I was back then.” he grinned a bit. To others who knew him more, he looked similar enough to be recognizable, but as stated before, they had only interacted briefly once, and he was a lot different than he was as a child. For starters, he hasn’t worn glasses since then, and  Hawaiian shirts ....while they were his favorite and mostly all he wore, after the incident, he threw them all away and never touched a single one again. Even after memory loss, any time he’d see one while clothes shopping, it’d give him a slight tinge of panic. Enough to know he never wanted to try one on. He stuck to mostly t-shirts. 

“heh... well, obviously I've seen you on TV.” he grinned. “imagine my surprise when the boy I thought was devilishly cute as a child pops up on my favorite Saturday night comedy.” he took a swig of his beer. 

“wait, you ....thought I was cute?” looking back on the events of that day, it was obvious Connor was flirting with him back. But back then, he thought it was one-sided. Especially after bowers came in. “ ya know.... what you said back then.....”

Connor let out a deep sigh. He regretted that so much. It was something he thought about any time he’d see Richie on TV. “yeah, it was ....fucked up of me to say that shit to you. I was just ..... scared. You know how Henry was, if he ..... even thought for a  _ second _ I had feelings for a boy, I--…...well, I probably wouldn’t be sitting here with you.” 

“no....no, um ....well yeah, it did hurt my feelings quite a bit, but.....it helped me, as well.” Connor gave him a confused look. “yeah, it.....helped me realize some things.... realize ..... some  _ feelings _ , I guess I should say.” he shrugged. “so, uh.....don’t beat yourself up too much about it, okay?” he slightly elbowed Connor with a small smile, Connor giving him a smile right back.

Vic came back, breaking up the two’s staring competition and placing Richie’s third drink down. He gave the two a confused look, then shrugged, turning his attention to  other patrons at the bar. 

Richie drank a lot more than he thought he would. At some point, Reg came in to bring Vic a  late-night snack from Taco bell and practically broke Richie’s spine hugging him. They were happy, and Richie was glad they were doing better for themselves. Richie asked the two why the owner had to work the night shift, jokingly at first, but when they gave him a sad expression, and Connor’s expression grew sad, too, he knew it wasn’t anything to joke about. “ah...sorry, was that um.....a sore subject?”

“it’s okay, Rich, you didn’t know.” Reg gave him a side smile, though still sad.

“uh ....our night shift employee....well, he was killed a few days ago. You....might have heard of it? It was all over the news, still is. Adrien Mellon...” Vic sighed. “he was ..... fuckin dismembered by a group of homophobes. His boyfriend, Don, well....” he bit his lip. “poor kid’s gone  nuts .....claims a demonic clown did it. Bit his arm off and shit.”

Richie’s face fell. Demonic clown.... that was unsettlingly familiar. And Adrien Mellon? Didn't Mike mention that name back at the Jade? Before the shit hit the fan? “y-yeah, I've ..... heard of the case.... s’ ....fucked up....” Richie was staring into space as he talked low, the others exchanging each other looks.

“y-yeah, it is.... Adrien was a good employee.... an even better friend, too.... b-but anyway, um ....Reg and I are swapping out night shifts every other night until we can find a replacement.” 

Adrien Mellon, Adrien Mellon, Adrien Mellon.... that name played over and over in his head for a while, only half listening as reg, Vic, and  Connor attempted to change the subject. Adrien Mellon was killed by homophobes. No, he was killed by a clown. That one was the right answer, a fucking clown. He thought Pennywise only targeted kids. Did he target Adrien solely to welcome Richie back home? I know your secret...

Your  _ dirty _

_ Little-- _

“Rich?” Richie jumped slightly when his arm was tapped, gaining more confused and concerned looks from the others. 

“Sorry ....spaced out....” he tried his best to grin and pretend like it was nothing. “how about a round of shots, huh?”

Richie wanted to forget. Richie  _ needed _ to forget. At that moment, he resented Mike for calling him back here. He was better off not knowing, better off being ignorant and only having slight anxiety  pertaining to things his subconscious wouldn’t let him remember. That's how he felt in this moment. He hated remembering.

And forget he did. Shot after shot, beer, whiskey, rum and coke, a little vodka, and he was piss drunk, fumbling about on the dance floor with Connor and a few strangers. Flirting up a storm, didn’t care  _ who _ it was he was flirting  with. He learned that Connor’s family inherited the Bowers farmhouse and he had renovated it and just moved in this past year. He learned that Connor had a nice, large king bed, too, and that no one lived with him. He learned that Connor was single, and Connor also let it slip that, back when they first met, he had thought a few times about being blunt and asking Richie if he wouldn’t mind meeting him at the hotel his family was staying for a ‘ quicky ’. But he didn’t, obviously, because being the pubescent, sex driven child he had been pre-assault, he would have agreed, and the rest would have been history. 

“27 years late isn't too late, right?” Richie slurred out before stumbling into a not so  smooth wall lean. 

“... wha ?” 

“for a  quicky ?” he grinned wide and Connor grinned right back at him. 

And they left  arm in  arm back to the Bowers farmhouse. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(only putting a warning here cause NSFW and stuff)

Most of the bits that came after fumbling through the bedroom door, sloppily making out and ripping each other’s clothes off as if in a competition to see how long it takes to get completely naked were a blur, but  bits and pieces were there. Enough to know they definitely didn’t hold back. 

The fact that his rape was so far from his mind thanks to the inebriation meant it was easy for Richie to let go and just  _ enjoy _ himself. Even before, when his amnesia was in full effect and Steven would come over, he’d still have a slight bit of hidden away dread and clammy hands. He jotted it down as natural nervousness, but he now knew that wasn’t right at all. 

Richie remembered bottoming. Something he hadn’t done since freshman year of college and the reason for that was....well, he had a panic attack and screamed at Eddie. As soon as Eddie had entered him, his mind clouded over, and he was there again, and he thought Eddie was Patrick and he yelled and cried. Even though it was Richie’s idea, and he thought he was ready, Eddie still apologized profusely and held Richie close. Much like every other memory containing Eddie, he had forgotten about that but still refused to bottom. 

Connor must not have noticed the scars. Either that, or he noticed and didn’t want to bring the mood down, so he didn’t ask. 

He remembered Connor being big. Like.... _ really _ big. Hard to take and a bit painful, but damn did it feel good once it was in. Come to think of it, Richie had never felt good while bottoming. His first experience ....well , that goes without saying that it was extremely unpleasant, and his second was  brief and filled with a clouded panic. But this? It felt like heaven. 

“h-ho...holy _ffffuck_ , Connor!” Richie gasped as the appendage was gingerly slid into him, his body tensing out of instinct in response to the foreign body part. He tilted his head down, trying to watch it slide in. “is that....ahh~-- even gonna f-fit?” he huffed, biting his lip as Connor attempted to push in more. They were using lube, but it was still a tight squeeze. 

“oh, definitely...~” Connor grinned. “I've shoved this bad boy into tighter spaces, baby, don’t you worry...~” Connor’s breath was hot and heavy in his ear before he let out a porn star- esque moan and leaned his head down to nibble and suck a  hickey into Richie’s collar bone. 

With a few more pushes, the appendage popped right in, prompting a loud, less sexy moan from the man underneath. 

Richie remembered for a second that there wasn’t a condom involved, and Connor never pulled out. And then remembered that he was  _ going to _ but  _ Richie _ told him to, “cum in me, daddy” (Richie was not into the daddy kink thing, but in his drunken haze thought that was the best thing to say in the moment.) 

Richie suddenly became aware of his ass and how gross it felt and the sticky goo that had hardened in and around it and any none hardened goo threatening to drip out. Richie felt his heart begin to race as he remembered the last  time he felt this sensation. He shook and held himself as he sat up in Connor’s large king bed. He pulled his legs to his chest and shook his head. “it’s not him. It's  _ not _ .  It's _ not _ _ him.”  _ he mumbled to himself, rocking just slightly. Oh, did he miss not remembering. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“hmmm....” suddenly, a soft sound came from the person curled up beside him, and Connor sat up, leaning on his arms. His hair was fluffy and wild, even more than before. He must do something to tame the curls when going out. He looked up to Richie, eyes squinted at the bright light from the window. “Rich? You okay?  ….. not....regretting last night, are  ya ...?” Connor gave a worried grin. He knew they were both drunk and capable of making choices that cloud their better judgment, but Connor knew he wouldn’t regret this from the beginning. And he didn’t. He was very happy they got the chance to be this close, even though it would turn out to just be a one-time thing. 

Richie turned toward him, pausing for a moment. He wasn’t really sure how to answer that. On one hand, no he wasn’t, because he set out that night to ‘have a good time’, and the possibility of walking out of there with another man was one he knew was a big possibility from the beginning, but on the other hand, this was someone he knew from his childhood, someone he knew from a time he could barely remember, but this someone, even though they only met briefly, was one that he previously had a lot of emotion towards. And the fact that he bottomed, bringing back unwanted feelings and sensations.... It was ....very complicated. 

“I....I don’t.....I don’t think so....” don’t think so. That was all he could come up with. Connor could tell Richie was feeling some sort of way about the entire situation. He's seen it all before. Hell, he’s  _ been there _ before, himself. He gave a defeated sigh and sat up all the way. 

And then he remembered the scars on Richie’s stomach and pelvis. He saw them, and even in his drunken state, he knew what they had to mean. He knew Patrick from back then, one of his cousin’s more insane friends. The one that scared him even more than Henry did. The story those scars told....and the way Richie and Vic spoke at the bar about “him”. He knew he missed something massive. 

“I saw your scars ..... ” he paused for a moment. “......I'm sorry, Richie....” he wouldn’t ask to elaborate. He didn’t know if he even wanted to know in the first place. He knew enough to make his own conclusion. 

Richie shut his eyes, nodding slowly. “y-yeah, it ..... happened a long.....time ago....” he sighed. “sorry, still ..... still gets to me, even now....” he ran a hand through his hair, shaking. Connor placed a  comforting palm on Richie’s upper arm. 

“don’t apologize.” is all he said, and Richie sighed, looking toward the alarm clock in the room.

“ _ fuck” _ he grunted, seeing the time was 9 am. The guys! He had to go back to the in, pronto, they’d definitely be looking for him. Thinking he left them to fend for themselves. Richie felt a wave of guilt wash over him as he got up and fumbled to get dressed. 

“ah.....got a date or something?”

“friends- my friends, the ones I came here to see, we were supposed to meet somewhere early. Shit, they’re  gonna think I bailed on them!”

Connor frowned. He didn’t want Richie to go. It got lonely in this farmhouse, and he was hoping they could have some breakfast together and catch up a little more. “ ..... will I see you again?”

“....yeah, um.....but I don’t think we should do .... _ this _ again.” he bit his lip. “can we keep it between you and me.....?” 

Connor also saw this coming, but it still hurt a little. There was some regret there, after all. “sure, Rich ..... take care....”

“you too....” and Richie was out the door soon after. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, Richie slept with Connor. how many of you saw this one coming? sorry if you're not really into connor/richie, it's not a main thing, it's just a rebound after being rejected by the love of his life twice and also broken up within one draining day. :') poor Richie.
> 
> no worries on the Reddie side, though, this is still a Reddie fic, after all! 
> 
> i hope you liked the update! i got it done earlier than usual! please leave your feedback in the comments below, i love seeing your enthusiasm and i love replying back to everyone! comments are a huge motivator in helping me get this fic done!


	6. runaway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie gets a moment to speak his mind, and the gang has a small crisis

Mike and Stan made record time getting to the Inn. They weren’t playing around, the more time they wasted the more victims IT would lure in. It was about seven am when the two showed up and knocked on the doors of the group staying. One by one, the groggy bodies of all their friends dragged themselves downstairs. All but Richie, that was. 

Eddie was really the only one fully awake. He was used to starting his day at 6 am, so he had been up for an hour, getting showered and ready for whatever bullshit today would fling at them. 

Bill yawned and rubbed his eyes with his fist. “it’s so early, Mikey....” he spoke in  mid-yawn .

“it’s seven! Don't tell me you’re one of those who sleeps in until noon.” Eddie spoke, crossing his arms.

“ I mostly work from home and got into the habit of making my own hours. And that doesn’t involve waking up at seven am.” he grunted, looking around the room. “where’s Richie?”

“I knocked on his door, but there wasn’t an answer. He must be fast asleep.” Mike spoke.

“either that, or he’s chickening out,” Stan grunted. It was a possibility. Anyone of them had the real possibility to chicken out. Thankfully, most of them didn’t.

Eddie scoffed. “figures...”

“Eddie, you should go and try to wake him. He’d listen to you!” Ben stated.

Eddie raised a brow. “really?”

“come on, Eds, convince him to come down.” Bev batted her eyes, not knowing she was doing the thing she did when she wanted someone to do something for her. It wouldn't work on him the same way it’d work on most other men, but it still somehow worked because Eddie scoffed, rolled his eyes, and walked back up the  stairs . 

Eddie rapped on the door three times. “Richie, open up.” he spoke in an annoyed tone, waiting for a few seconds before groaning and doing it again, louder this time. “come on, Rich!” a few more seconds passed and still no answer. It was completely quiet on the other side. Eddie sighed and turned, leaning his back against the door. None of the others know what happened to them. None of them knew why they weren’t still together. They probably just figured it was the cruel workings of forgetting and nothing else. They had no idea. 

“ ....Richie , I’m....I’m sorry...” he spoke low. If Richie were actually there, it’d be hard to even hear him. “I was a dick last night, I shouldn’t have rushed you out the door like that, I just-- ….. ” he sighed deeply, shutting his eyes. “it’s been ..... so long, but dammit, it feels like it happened yesterday...  _ everything _ feels like it happened yesterday, my mom, you, our breakup, just ..... all Train wrecked in the same day. I know you have to know what I'm talking about.... I'm so selfish for shutting you out, dear god, you’re probably going through so much...” Eddie started to tear up. His voice broke. “I know you’re not like that, though, I know you only fucked up and you wouldn’t have done anything if you didn’t forget.... you’re not that kind of person, but it just hurt so bad.... it hurt more because I loved you so much. I mean dammit, I traveled across the  _ country _ to see you when I barely had money to eat....” he chuckled slightly, but it was null of any emotion. “it thought that-- I thought that if I came to see you ....everything would be fine. We hadn’t seen each other since the beginning of your freshman year, right after Christmas break and you visited me, remember?” he smiled a little. “ I missed you.... I was ....fuckin devastated to see that you didn’t even know who I was...” He paused for a second before speaking up again. “I  _ still _ love you, Richie.... I fucking still---” he was cut off by running footsteps coming down the hall. Looking over, he saw Mike out of breath. “ ....Mikey ?”

“Eddie ..... r- Richie's car is gone....” 

Eddie’s face fell. He had been talking to an empty room. “ .... _ fuck _ ....” 

\------------------------------------------------------

Richie thought about immediately going back and taking care of his “issue” once he got there, but the more the sensation stayed in his pants, the more he wanted to scream, and he didn’t want a panic attack full-on taking over in the back of an Uber as he rode to pick his car up. His insides felt like a sloppy mess and every step he took brought him closer and closer to not being able to control his emotions. And if he somehow made it to his car, then somehow made it all the way back to the Inn? He probably wouldn’t have time to clean himself. And then he’d have to spend all day like this, and possibly even fight IT like this, and possibly even _die_ like this. He didn’t want that. He'd rather risk being even later than possibly die with cum drying in his ass.    
  
he debated this after exiting Connor’s home and bringing up the Uber app to order his ride out of there. He canceled the ride, forking over the cancelation fee in favor of being clean and worry-free. 

Connor still hadn’t exited his room, so Richie was able to sneak himself into the bathroom to clean up. He didn’t want to have to explain why he was still there or have that awkward moment of, “we already said goodbye but here we are.” which happens far too often to count, but he never gets over it. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

( sorta graphic explanation of cleaning one’s ass out and mentions of rape sensations)

This should have been a nice, easy procedure, but of course, it can’t be that way.  Of course he can’t be allowed to get in and get out, of course his mind had to thrust images and sensations his way. Every time his fingers entered his body, Patrick entered him as well. He felt his body convulse and jolt. He held back, for the most part, mumbling to himself that it’s okay, but eventually the flood gates burst and when he felt the hot and heavy breath of Patrick breathe into his ear, “dirty whore.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“ _ no!  _ _ FfffucK _ _....!” _ he grunted and moaned, gripping hard onto the edge of the sink next to him.

And there was a knock at the door. As Connor had passed the bathroom, he heard the commotion and with slight concern, spoke up. “uh ....Rich ? You....constipated in there?”

“n-no! I—dammit, I'm  _ fine _ , I'm fine....” he huffed, hands on his knees, trying to calm himself down. It was over, he got everything out, he was fine, everything was just  _ fine _ . 

He waited until he heard the  footsteps walk away and down the stairs before taking in a big sigh and letting it out slowly, doing this a few times to calm himself. It helped. His shaking stopped, and he got back up to leave. 

\---------------------------------------------------------

He had to walk through the kitchen to leave, and that was where Connor was. Richie was on the other side of the wall and he could hear him, humming and frying what smelled like bacon. Richie debated on fleeing through the window in the Livingroom. He thought out just running back to his car and not even worrying about an Uber at this point. Would one even come out this way? So far in the country? The bowers’ farm wasn’t too far, but he couldn’t imagine a taxi coming here, let alone an uber. 

He didn’t do any of  those. He just braved it and slowly wandered into the kitchen. Maybe if he was super quiet, he’d sneak right by--

“Rich?” dammit, he had ears like a hawk! Richie sighed as Connor turned to him. 

“I said I'm fine, I just—had to ....clean myself out....” he looked like a mess. His eyes were shot, he had tear stains on his cheeks, and his hair was disheveled. Connor could tell it wasn’t a pleasant experience, and the noises he heard added to that.

“Rich....” 

Richie sighed and stopped in his trek for the door and turned to Connor. “what do you want me to say? We fucked up, Connor. At the very least I should have  _ never _ bottomed.”

“... I'm sorry, Richie, if I would have known I wouldn’t have....”

“no, no, it ..... it’s my fault. I mean fuck, I told you not to pull out, didn’t I?” he forced a small grin and Connor let out a soft chuckle.

“right....” he still felt bad, though.  Obviously, Richie was screwed up about this. About whatever it was that happened to him however long ago. Connor could guess, but he didn’t want to. “hey, if ....you need anything, you have my number, right? Just call me.” 

Richie was walking slowly to the door, phone out and ordering his ride back to the Falcon. “right, yeah, will do...” he was barely paying attention as he left through the front door. His ride was ordered for a few blocks down the street, and he had no time to waist. He was way late and didn’t really know how to explain why he was gone. He had to come up with something. There was no way he could tell the truth. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------

Mike paced around the lobby, phone in hand and up to his ear. He tried Richie’s cell a few times, no answer. It was dead, it didn’t even ring. Why was Richie’s phone dead? Despite this, he kept trying, not knowing any other way to get ahold of him.

“so....so Richie just left, is that is? He just ....he just abandoned us, just like that?” Stan spoke as he sat in one of the armchairs, hunched over.

“n-no....no, he-h-h-he said he’d stay....”

“We all said we’d stay, Bill. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t sit in my car last night willing myself not to drive away...” Ben spoke up. He hadn’t slept much that night. He was scared, as they all were, and he indeed did debate on leaving in his rental car at 3 am. “ ....Richie....must have done the same, only ....he didn’t convince himself well enough...”

Stan sighed, running his hand through his hair. “ _ Christ _ , now what do we do?” 

“We do the ritual without him....” Mike put his phone down, giving up his useless calling. 

“without him? Mikey, how-”

“we ....we find his token and we do it  _ without  _ him, I thought about this already. Like when we thought  _ you _ were gone, Stan....” Stan still owed them an  explanation , but now wasn’t the time. 

In all their bickering and panic, Eddie was silent. Eddie was staring off into one specific spot on the wall across the room, toward an ornate picture frame of an old-timey painting, but not actually observing it. His mind was elsewhere, and the rest of the room sounded far away.

Richie left? How could he just leave? Was it him? Did their conversation last night have something to do with it? If Eddie wasn’t so cold and hostile toward Richie....if Eddie had just let him talk, listened, and even talked it through like a normal person, maybe Richie wouldn’t have left. He already had regrets for the way he acted, and had planned on apologizing, but, well, now he feared he’d never get the chance.    
he hoped Richie was okay. He hoped that he had just left in the middle of the night, and nothing bad happened to him. Thoughts of Richie going out for a drive, to clear his head, only to be confronted my IT and made the next victim crossed his mind. Richie’s car could be somewhere vacant, covered in blood with no traces of the man anywhere. That couldn’t have happened, right? Richie was fine. 

Eddie’s quiet spaced out contemplation was cut off when the door opened and his questions, along with everyone else's, were answered. Richie came through the door with a coffee in hand, looking around at everyone's worried faces. Eddie’s heart sank and he felt happy. Relieved to see Richie. That was the first in a long time. 

“....what?”

“where the hell have you been!?” Stan spoke, standing up.

“We thought you bailed, man!” Ben said in  relief .

“ sh -shit, man, I only went out for a coffee.” he gave a weary grin, holding up the cup. “ah...sorry, man, I didn’t know how early you were planning this thing. Thought I would be back in time.” he hoped he could get away with this lie. Judging by Mike’s smile, at least he believed him.

“well....I'm glad you didn’t leave.” he pointed at Richie. “but turn your phone on! We've been trying to call!”    
“ah, shit!” this was actually one thing he didn’t anticipate. Fishing his phone out of his pocket, it was indeed dead. “it’s dead. Must have forgotten to charge it last night.”

“well ....go put it on to charge so it’s ready when we get back. We'll need that communication later. 

“right....” he nodded, grinning. “don’t leave without me!” he spoke as he walked  passed them to go up to his room. 

As Richie passed by Eddie, the other managed to get a look at him. Something stuck out from his shirt collar and it took Eddie a second to register what he saw.

It was a hickey. He could tell it wasn’t an old one, either. It was large and dark, and if it was there before, he would have noticed sooner. Richie  definitely wasn’t just out for coffee. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah this is sort and uneventful, i'm sorry.... i needed to get something out or i'd be scared you'd all forget this story exists! it's been a hectic one, and it's only going to stay hectic. i hope you can forgive me for either shorter chapters or longer spaced out chapters....or both, god forbid.
> 
> regardless, i hope you still liked it!


	7. the clubhouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie confronts Richie about where he was last night and we finally find out how Stan is still alive. the plot thickens.

They didn’t really have much time for breakfast at a restaurant thanks to Richie’s  disappearance that morning, so they opted for drive-through breakfast at the McDonalds on the outskirts of Derry. This made Richie feel really bad, even worse than he already felt, which was a lot since he already felt like total dog shit. Everything he’d done and what had happened that night was out of his own selfishness.

Demanding to talk to Eddie about their past which forced the other to remember how awfully hurt and broken he was only for himself to have some sort of closure in being able to say ‘it wasn’t my fault and I'm sorry’. Shoving in the fact that he wouldn’t change what had happened for anything didn’t help, either. That surely had to cut like a knife.

When Steven called him to break up, he could tell in the other’s voice he was hoping for some pleading. Not out of spite, or wanting Richie to suffer, but to know that he was important enough to Richie that he’d be willing to change to keep him. He was hoping Richie would promise to come out, to not force the two of them to hide anymore and to be a better boyfriend, but he didn’t. He was cold and to the point. ‘yes, we do need to break up.’ harsh. This told the other that he wasn’t more important than Richie’s image. Or it at least told him that Richie didn’t love him the way he deserved to be loved. In  hindsight , Richie thought he was doing Steven a favor. Steven deserved a better boyfriend, one that wouldn’t hide him away like a secret he had to keep. 

Connor was his biggest mistake yet. He was drunk, unable to make good decisions, and selfishly needing a good time. Connor was the easy target. An old friend that just happened to like him and had been flirting with him for most of the night. An old friend who was lonely and in need of human contact after  losing most of his family. Richie took advantage of him. He used him for sex and didn’t have any plans to keep in contact Afterwords. He would have slipped out of there without a word if Connor didn’t wake before he had the chance to do so. 

And now he forced everyone to miss having a decent breakfast and lied about why he was gone on top of that. Even went so far as to use the  leftover coffee cup he had still in the cup holder of his rental car as an excuse. He was lucky everyone bought it. Or at least that everyone didn’t care enough to question why it  took him an hour to get coffee and why the cup was already empty when he got back. Did he value their time at all? Did he know how serious this situation was? This wasn’t some family reunion, walk down memory lane shit, this was a war. They were preparing to go to war, preparing to die for a town that didn’t even care about them, and Richie was treating this shit like a normal day.  _ What a god damned selfish prick you’ve become, Richard. _

_ \------------------------ _

“I'm pretty sure the entrance was over here,” Ben stated as the group searched around the wooded area outside town. They were even later since they made the conscious effort to work their way around the kissing bridge to avoid forcing Richie having to walk  passed ‘the spot’. Another thing to make him feel like shit for, but that was all the decision of his friends and not a request by him. 

Ben stomped around the grass, trying to find the hidden door and the others did the same, debating on where it could be. They had a general idea, but it’s been  ao long that they’ve all forgotten the exact location. 

Eddie, however, was off in a debate of his own. He watched Richie wander around aimlessly, not seeming like he was really trying to help, seeming more caught in thought than anything. Was he, perhaps, thinking about what he obviously did the night before? Eddie felt a hint of jealously emerge. Why was he jealous? They weren’t dating, and more importantly, he was  _ married _ , he couldn’t be thinking like this. Nevertheless, he had to know. He had to know what he did last night, and why it wasn’t with him--

The thought of Richie forcing himself into his room in the middle of the night, kissing him before he could say anything, pushing him against the wall and fondling him came to mind and he scratched at his scalp, messing up his hair, trying to get those thoughts to go away. And then he grunted as he found himself approaching Richie. “Richie, I need to speak to you privately for a second.”

“um, o.....okay?” Richie was a little scared. Eddie seemed unhappy. Did he know he was lying about the coffee run?  Of course , he did, Eddie knew him more than anyone. Richie reluctantly followed Eddie away from the view of the others. “what-what’s up, Eds—hey!” Eddie grabbed Richie’s shirt collar, pulling it down and making Richie  lose his balance for a few seconds. Sure enough, there was a massive hickey there. There was no denying that was fresh. “the  _ fuck _ , dude?” Richie pulled away from Eddie’s grasp, confused as hell by his sudden motions. 

“ I had to confirm my suspicions. What the fuck did you do last night, Richie?”

“What, you jealous? You're seriously giving me mixed signals, man,” he grunted,  straightening out his shirt.

“ oh fuck off, Rich!”

“we’re not  _ dating anymore _ , Eddie, I'm allowed to fuck other guys!”

Eddie’s face fell. Richie was right, what the hell was he doing right now? Richie was allowed to have a sex life without him, so why the hell was his blood boiling right now? Because he secretly wished it was him who gave Richie that massive hickey. “Richie, that’s not the point. This isn’t a vacation, or did you forget? We're here to kill a demon. We thought you were still in your room! I fucking-- I fucking  had a heart to heart with your fucking door while you were off screwing some guy! I mean  _ Jesus _ , man!”

Richie cocked a brow. He poured his heart out? Was Eddie saying what he thinks he’s saying? If Richie was just in his room, what would he have heard Eddie say? “...Eddie, what do you mean by that? What did you say?”

Eddie realized exactly what he just allowed to slip out. There was no way out of this. Why was he nervous to repeat himself? He was fine when saying it earlier. Maybe it was because the moment felt right, and now, it felt forced. “well, um..... I said that I'm so--” 

Eddie was cut off by a yell coming from the direction of the others followed by a crash. A few seconds later they heard Ben call out, “found it!” he was saved. this conversation would just have to wait. 

\--------------------------------------------------------

Stan was preoccupied with an old tub of coffee that was refurbished as a storage container. ‘for the use of losers only,’ was written on a sheet of notebook paper that was taped to the can. It was his handwriting and it said ‘-Stan’, but he didn’t remember it. He didn’t remember what was inside. He studied the can for a moment, trying really hard to remember before smiling as the memory came to mind. He reached in and pulled out a handful of shower caps. Protection from the spiders. He was always so worried about things like that. Small details that no one else thought about. he turned around and held up the bundle of caps. “remember these?”

The others, having been reminiscing and rediscovering things of their own, all turned to See what Stan was talking about. Mike’s lips turned up in a small grin. “...the shower caps...” he nodded. “yeah, yeah, I remember. Heh... you’d  insist on wearing yours every time you were down here.”

Eddie had sat on the hammock after making sure the thing was still stable enough to hold him without collapsing after so many years of nonuse and decaying  underground . Surprisingly, it was still holding up fine. He was in the middle of his own memory, however. He remembered the days he was homeless after his mom’s death when social services forgot about him and he was forced to find his own home since his house had become a crime scene. Much like everything, that memory felt like it happened only yesterday. This hammock played the role of his bed for those horrid days and it soaked up many of his tears. He'd much rather not remember any of that.

When the others started to speak about the shower caps, Eddie brought his attention back to the group, trying to not dwell on that memory for too long. 

“you know, I never even once seen a spider down here,” Richie spoke as he was handed off a cap. He tossed one to Eddie, the other catching it out of  reflex and popping it on his head. 

“it was a  precaution , asshole.” Stan retorted, rolling his eyes and putting his own on. 

“Stan....are you still going to tell how you’re alive right now....?” Bev asked, taking her own cap from Ben. 

Stan sighed, plopping himself down on the ground and laying his head against a wooden beam. “ ....fine . sit down, this might take a while....”

====================================

Stan immediately knew what this call was about the moment he heard Mike’s name. He felt his heart sink and his blood pressure skyrocket as his hands started to shake. Two memories came to mind at once. His promise to Bill, and then his promise to Mike. No matter what he had to do, huh? He had written down a plan for himself before moving far away from Derry the year before and locked the piece of paper in a safe in his closet. He practically ran up the stairs, knowing he didn’t have much time. He could hear it. Pennywise was in his head, it was there desperately trying to influence him to take his life. 

_ Do it, Stan _

_ Your friends don’t need you _

_ You don’t want to go back, you’re too scared _

_ You need to do this _

_ You need to die, Stan, it’s the only way out of this. _

“Not tonight, mother fucker....” Stan mumbled, opening the safe and taking out the folded piece of paper. 

_ “Dear Stanley, _

_ I know you’re scared right now. I know you want to do anything but go back there, but we made two very important promises and we intend to keep them, so listen to me carefully. This is what you have to do. This is the only way to keep everyone you love safe. First, visit your friend Chris Hanson. He's already been notified and paid for his services.” _

“now? Really? Fuck, Stan!” Chris was a morgue technician who took care of mostly nameless bodies with either no families to claim them or  who's families couldn’t be found. Chris was given a nice payment a little over a year ago. He didn’t know why he needed to buy a dead body, and Stan wanted to keep it that way. The fewer people who know, the better. 

“yes,  _ now _ . Can you bring me the body, or not?”

“.....on the roof?”

“yes.”

“what the fuck are you doing, Stan?”

“......just take care of my wife, okay? Don't worry about me.” Stan hung up the phone and set it down. He had bought a pay-as-you-go phone so he could leave his smartphone behind. He didn’t need anyone tracking him down. 

Stan always knew Chris had a thing for Patty. Ever since they were in college together, he knew. She'd be taken care  of, he didn’t have anything to worry about. At least like this, she didn’t have to wonder if he was alive for the rest of her life. She had  closure, she’d be able to heal.

\----------------

The body was waiting for him on the roof. A homeless man with a similar build and hairstyle to his own. Someone no one knew who was now going to be remembered as Stanley Uris. 

Stan took a  hammer to the body’s face, making sure it was extra unrecognizably not really him before stripping his own clothes and changing the body like a stiff barbie doll. After changing into fresh clothes, he took a small picture of Patty out of the pocket of the jacket that was now on the dead body. 

Running his thumb over the image, he gave a somber smile. “goodbye, my babylove...” 

He tossed the body face first  off the rooftop and made his way back down the stairs. 

=======================================

The room was silent. They didn’t know what to say. Stan faked his own death? To be there? “ ....Stanley , why did you--”

“I'm going to die down there....” Stanley cut Bill off, softly spoken and looking toward the ground.

Mike’s face fell and he shook his head. “no. No, no you won’t, Stan, we won’t let that happen.  _ I  _ won't let that happen.”

He looked up to Mike, a serious look on his face. “I know it’s going to happen, Mike. I cheated death this time. I was supposed to die back there, I could hear it, It was ..... it was—look, I just  _ know,  _ okay, I know it’s supposed to happen. It didn’t happen back home, but It’ll happen in the sewers.”

“.....like final destination...” Richie spoke up, the others giving him a look. “what?”

“no, he’s right.  _ Just _ like that. I managed to rewrite our destiny. I managed to outsmart Pennywise and escape Its grasp on me, but now I'm on death’s radar, I'm on  _ IT’s  _ radar, and it will not stop at anything until I'm dead where I belong....  so either that happens now, later, or in the sewers, but it  _ will  _ happen, Mikey....which is why I knew I had to fake my own death.” he frowned, taking a moment. “Patty deserves to have closure ..... she deserves to know exactly how I died, why I died, and that it wasn’t her fault and she couldn’t do anything to prevent it from happening. I made sure there were no loose ends or questions left unanswered. It's ..... far better than me disappearing without a trace and her searching for me for the rest of her life, not knowing if I'm alive or dead.”

“ ..... fuck, Stanley....” Ben spoke, running a hand through his hair. 

“no. No, it-it doesn’t have to end that way, Stan, you cheated death once you can cheat it again, and-and then when It is dead it  won't have any authority over  whether or not you live or die, we can prevent this, we-we can--” Mike rambled, tears in his eyes. He was so busy panicking that he didn’t notice Stan walking towards him and only stopped when his face was cupped and he was kissed, slow and passionately. 

No one in the room spoke, not even Richie, though he had the itch to say something like, “holy shit!”, but he didn’t. It wasn’t the time. Even though no one in the room was expecting that, they all kept to their selves. And suddenly, Bill knew exactly why Stan stayed with Mike last night. 

“Mikey.... it’s okay.... it’s unavoidable....” 

Mike composed himself after that. They had a ritual to get to, and the sooner they do it, the better. After explaining the ritual and the artifacts, the group headed off to find their own tokens.

\-------------------------------

Richie headed back to the Inn and immediately up the stairs. He knew exactly what he had to do. He had to face his own fears for is token. He had to go back to a place that he much rather  avoids like the plague for the rest of his life. He had only been back there once after the incident, and that was with Eddie after they got together. He'd be going back alone and forced to face the demons that lurked in the shadows at the underside of the bridge. Back where it all began. Back where this curse started.

Richie broke through the glass of the emergency fire ax case and  fled through the fire exit and into his car. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: i'm gonna try to make this chapter a lot longer than last one.  
> this chapter: is only like a few hundred words longer  
> me: .....shit.
> 
> i tried.... i'm sorry it's a shorter one again. but hey! we got a lot more plot in this one! heavy shit, Stan's so insistent he's going to die! and hmmmmm some stanlon action and maybe a jealous bill? 
> 
> I've just decided that every one a Lil gay in this timeline, it's fine, it's all good and fine--
> 
> where is Richie going with that axe? got any theories? stay tuned for the next one, it's gonna be a ride!


	8. Richie and Eddie face their demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie and Eddie venture out to retrieve their tokens (which are completely different than the ones in the movie) and are faced with the burdens and demons of their past traumas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, look at me getting this chapter done super quick! welp, here ya go!
> 
> heavy, heavy stuff in this one. I'm not sure if any of you are really prepared for what's in store. some of you had nailed what Richie was going to do with the axe, so good job on that, i guess!
> 
> some things in this chapter may be triggering. warnings apply with ~~~~~~~~~~~~ at the beginning and end of potentially triggering text.

The bridge didn’t see much traffic anymore. It never really saw much anyway, though now it barely saw one or two cars every few days. There really wasn’t any reason to take the bridge other than to leave the town, but there were better, faster, and less bumpy ways to do that. There wasn’t much beyond the bridge, no houses, just woods. It probably wasn’t much safe to drive it anymore, anyway. 

Judging by the abundance of new carvings, the bridge still seemed to get couple and lovesick kid traffic. That part never changed. 

Richie scanned his eyes over the words written along the bridge as he walked through the tunnel. There were a few homophobic slurs, some profanity. Many crude carvings of dicks littered throughout the wooden beams. He spotted a particular carving amongst all the, “die, fags”, “call me for a quick fuck”, and the like. 

“the Derry Historical fuck bridge: Tozier's faggy virginity lies underneath” this one was written in marker. It was obviously written around the time of the trial’s public debut. Someone had a fucked-up sense of humor. The more Richie dwelled on this one spot, reading over it, scanning his eyes over, the more rage grew in him. The axe shook in his hand before he grit his teeth and rammed the blade into the wooden beam, severing the dark ‘joke’ in half. He pulled the axe back out of the wood and continued through the covered bridge with a stern look over his face. 

The carvings were still there, surprisingly not overthrown by  new names . The letters were faded a bit, but still there and still legible. The R + E was there, and under, the R in a heart Eddie had carved himself when Richie brought him there. he remembered that. That was a good memory. That was probably the only good memory he had at this bridge. 

_ “what the fuck are you doing, flamer?” _

Richie grunted, shaking his head. The last time he carved into this bridge alone was ‘that’ day. He could hear Patrick, like he was there, behind him. It was so real, Richie found himself checking. Nothing, he was alone.  Of course he was alone. Patrick was locked  up, he couldn’t possibly be here. It was only his fucked-up mind playing with him. 

He remembered thinking he was going to be beaten up and left to bleed out on the bridge, at this point. He was at least half right, but before Patrick steered him under the bridge with a knife in his arm and demanded him to strip the thought that he’d be scared for the rest of his life that day would have never crossed his mind. Truly, his childhood was robbed. If it wasn’t already robbed from the Pennywise situation. 

He let his eyes wander around the rails, scanning over the other names, not really reading them or registering them. They meant nothing to him, as his own carvings must to any one of these names. A certain spot caught his eye, however. Dried into the grains of the old wood was a spot of red. It was blood.  _ His  _ blood. That was the exact spot his friends found him slumped over. His fresh carving wounds must have bled and stained the spot. 

_ The carving read ‘property of Patrick’. He also carved ‘little whore’ into his left pelvis.  _

_ “there... now you’re mine....” _

“s-stop....” Richie grunted, trying  desperately to get the memory to stop playing in his head. He gripped the axe tightly in both of his hands.

_ “little Eddie can’t have you. You're unclean~.” _

That wasn’t true. He wasn’t  _ unclean.  _ "g-get.....out...”

_ “A little gross fucking  _ **_ whore _ ** _!” _

Richie’s eyes poured silent tears as he shut them tight. The grip he had on the axe left his knuckles white and his body shook. “I said...fucking....”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ he pushed Richie’s legs up into his chest  _

_ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ _

“get...”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ without any warning,  _ _ he forced _ _ his way inside. _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“ ** OOOOOOUT!!! ** ”

Richie brought the axe down onto the railing. And then again, and again. He chopped into the bridge frantically, wailing and shaking. No one was around to break him out of his fit. He could let himself go and chop wildly, destroying the bridge that took everything from him.

This frantic fit lasted half a minute before he ran out of energy and collapsed to his knees, just sobbing and shaking in the middle of the bridge. 

“I said

What the fuck are you doing?

_ Flamer.” _

Patrick’s voice echoed all around him, followed by his evil cackling. Though this time it sounded a bit different. Older. Richie looked around, but still nothing. He stood up quickly as the cackling grew louder and seemed to circle him. He gripped the axe tight, shutting his eyes. “it’s not him, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real....” he repeated until the cackling died down and vanished completely. He only opened his eyes when he heard nothing but silence. 

“boo~” as he opened his eyes, Patrick was standing right in front of him on the opposite side of the railing that he had just all but destroyed in his rage. He was older, definitely. Taller, if that was even possible, longer, unkempt hair, uneven facial hair but still the same sinister grin. Richie dropped the axe and fell back on his ass with a yell. He scurried backward as Patrick stepped over the rubble and slowly approached the terrified man on the ground. “did you miss me, baby~? Cause Iiiii  _ misssssed  _ _ youuu _ ~” he chuckled in an evil cackling way as Richie’s back hit the other side of the bridge. He was trapped. And his dammed body wouldn’t move! It was just like that day. He couldn’t bring himself to run! Just fucking  _ run _ !

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Richie couldn’t do enough to get himself to move in time. Patrick was over him, hands caressing his shaking body. This felt like a nightmare. He had to still be dreaming, still asleep in Connor’s bed, ready to wake at any moment. But he wasn’t. This was real.

He gasped for air as the panic became so bad, he couldn’t  breathe . This must have been why Eddie thought he had asthma, with panic attacks so bad you couldn’t catch your breath for even a second. He could really use Eddie’s placebo right now. “n-no....” he managed to mumble, feeling the hands slowly glide down his stomach and Patrick’s hot breath on his neck as the other leaned in.

“mmm... you feel the same as back then ....~ soft, and.... ssssso sexy......~” Patrick nibbled and licked around Richie’s already bruised neck, prompting sounds from the other. “ I see someone’s already been here.... trying to make me  _ jeaaalous _ _ ,  _ Tozier...~? You wouldn’t ..... like me....when I'm  _ jealous.... _ " he gave RIchie's neck a hard bite.  


“g-get off....” he grunted out, body twitching, but only slightly. This couldn’t happen. Not again. He  _ couldn’t  _ let this happen again! He had to  _ move!  _

“don’t see  ya trying to  _ make me _ , toots~” Patrick licked his lips, slithering his hands further down Richie’s stomach. “why don’t you just ....sit back.....  relaaaax .....” he pushed his hand into Richie’s pants, fondling and cupping his genitals.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ “no.....”  _ Richie  gapsed , twitching even more. This wasn’t going to happen. He couldn’t be afraid of him anymore. He was an adult now, he could kick his ass, he had a  _ weapon _ , he couldn’t be afraid, he couldn’t let this bastard ruin his life any more than he already has!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Patrick ran a finger down the crack of Richie’s ass, gently rubbing over his hole. “let me take care of y--”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“ **_ NO!! _ ** " Richie screamed. Finally able to move, he brought his leg up from under Patrick and kicked him hard in the chest, sending him flying off of him and back onto the pavement.

Scurrying to his feet, Richie retrieved the axe and gripped it tight. He composed himself, and with tear-stained cheeks, he gave Patrick a death glare. “I'm.....n-not....afraid....” he panted, grunting as he was coming down from his panicked state. “I'm n-not....”

Patrick cackled, standing back up and slowly toward him again.

Richie instinctively backed up but stopped himself. He wasn’t going to run. Not this time. 

** “I’M NOT  ** **_ AFRAID OF YOU!!” _ **

He drew back his arms, ready to swing the axe.

**_ “ANYMOOORE!!”  _ ** as he yelled this, he brought the axe down into Patrick’s skull,  embedding it deep into his brain.

Richie thought it was over. that was a killing blow, Patrick was dead, he’d killed him. Right?

no, it wasn’t over. Patrick’s face distorted, melted almost as the stumbled to keep balance. Richie watched in confused horror as he slowly changed from Patrick to Pennywise before his eyes. “sh-shit!”

Pennywise pulled the axe out of his head, mumbling slurred speech as his face was still distorted. “mmmm ripie, ripie, you are a liddle whore, aret you?” he attempted to speak, though his words were broken and his slouched mouth started to drool. He laughed as he stumbled toward Richie, who in turn started to back again. “you had wep dreams aboup paprick _weekly_ eber since he **_mmm-_** _bucked you_ , ahahahahahaaaa~”

“n-no....no, they were nightmares, they-they weren't w- wet dreams, they--”

“den expain.....why your pands were alwas _wep_ when you woke _up!”_

_ “no...no, I--”  _ Richie closed his eyes tight. “he’s not there.... not there...”

“ohhohohoooo~! you had _soooo_ mubch fum while _I_ was gooone~!”

“not there... it’s not there, not...”

“you bucked your _eeebbie_ _spabeeeeediiiieee_ _~”_

_ “ _ not..fucking...there.... not there....”

“you bucked your rewatonship uuuuup~”

“not....”

“youuu buuuuucked...”

“there....”

“your liiiiife....”

“go...away.....”

“.... uuuuppppp ....”

The sounds stopped. The slurred talking stopped. He felt like he could have been being played again, but he opened his eyes anyway. 

Nothing. 

No one was there. Just himself. Himself and the  chopped-up guard railing. 

Richie allowed himself to sit and cry into his knees. After a few minutes of composing himself, he retrieved the now covered in blood axe and finished chopping away at the part of the railing he came there to take. Grabbing the R+E carved piece of wood, he headed back to his car. 

===================================================

Eddie sat on the side of his bed back at the inn, phone in hand as he stared at the contact name. It said mom and had a picture of a woman with shoulder-length greying yellow hair and big rimmed glasses. He hit call and put the phone up to his ear.

After a few rings, a woman picked up. “Eddie! Dear, how are you?”

“hey, mom.” he smiled brightly. Even though he knew now she wasn’t really his mom, he couldn’t think of her any other way. “I'm....doing fine. Um....I was wondering if you knew what I....did with the mixtape? The....the one I used to listen to all the time.”

“oh! The one that had the song that said your name at the end? Hmm....” she thought for a moment. “I....remember.....I remember you took it with you on a trip to Maine back when you were....20 or 21?” Eddie’s face fell. “I don’t ....exactly remember anything about it after that. I'm sorry, sweetie.”

“....n-no, mom, it’s....fine... thank-thank you.” he paused for a moment, going completely silent.

“....Edward, what’s wrong?” Cathy spoke up with worry.

“nothing, it’s-- I'm fine, I  gotta go. I'll, um.....call you back tomorrow sometime?”

“...alright, dear. Let me know if you have any luck finding that tape.”

“yeah, I will.... love you.” he hung up, letting his phone drop to the ground.

He remembered what happened. After he and Richie broke up, he took a box of memories, filled with things Richie had given him through the years, back to Derry. He knew exactly where that box was. He did  _ not _ want to go back there, but he had to. 

\-------------------------------

He was outside his old home. Not the one he lived in with Cindy and Coco, but the one he lived in before. With his mom. His  _ real _ mom. He hadn’t been back there in  years, it was old and condemned. No one wanted it after the murder, so it was left to rot, much like the  Nebolt house but not as old. The grass was high in the yard and there was no entryway left unboarded. It looked like a bunker home in a zombie movie. 

“Just get in and get out, Eds. You just need the tape....  _ just _ the....tape...” he sighed deeply before approaching the steps. It took him a while of pulling to get the boards off, but they were old and full of rot so it wasn’t too hard to do. The door was harder to open since it had been shut for so long, but he got it open with a few pushes, and the smell made him gag and cover his face. That smell was nostalgic in all the wrong ways. He remembered the day he came home and found his mom, how awful it smelled. It was way worse now. 

He kept his hand over his mouth as he entered the house. It was dirty, covered in trash like some homeless person had been living there before they boarded all the entryways. It was  definitely not all boarded when he went there after their breakup. It wasn’t as trashed, either. 

Most of his furniture was still there, disheveled and aged but still there. The wallpaper was torn and peeling and there was what looked like mold and sludge all over the walls and surfaces. He didn’t dare touch anything in there besides what he was looking for. 

He couldn’t help look into the Livingroom as he passed. The words written in blood were barely there, but the frantic R+E carvings were plain as the day they were made. His mom’s chair was still there. He could still see her bloodstains.

He ran up the stairs to his room.

His room was empty. No furniture, not even the bed frame. He took everything out after Cindy adopted him. The only thing left was the wallpaper and the garbage left from whoever used to use this as a squatter’s home. Whoever it was, they were long gone now. This house hadn’t seen footsteps for a very long time. 

He took a moment to look around his room. He remembered it so plainly. He remembered many birthday sleepovers. He remembered spending hours locked up in there with his music turned up, not wanting to face his mom, wishing he could be out with his friends. He remembered the window Richie used to climb into at night a nd how much he missed falling asleep in his arms. 

He held his hand to his chest, feeling a sinking as he remembered the way he felt back then. Even before they started dating, he was in complete love with the other boy. Even now, after so long, he was still in complete love. 

“stop it, Eds.... just....get the tape....” he mumbled to himself before moving from the doorway to the closet. The door was off its hinges and broken in several places. He hoped the box was still there and no one had stolen it. Thankfully, it was. Way in the back under some old newspapers and what looked like a tarp, there was a small cardboard box that read “Richie <3” with the heart frantically scribbled over. He sat himself down on the ground and opened the box.

Immediately, he saw the cast. The one he wore that entire summer. He couldn’t bring himself to let them throw it out when he finally got it taken off, so he asked to keep it. He had all his friends sign it during the summer after and kept it proudly displayed in his room at Cathy’s house. He must not have wanted to remember anything after Richie. Not even his other friends. 

There was Richie’s class ring. A cheesy romantic gift, but Eddie thought it was sweet at the time.

A card that Richie gave him when he had the flu for a week in 11 th grade. Richie made it, rather rushed and poorly done, with a stick figure depiction of themselves and the words, “get better soon, or I'll be forced to spoon feed you soup and sing to you until you do!” he felt himself smile at this. It was sweet and Eddie had always told Richie he had a great singing voice, but Richie never believed him. He wondered if he still did.

A few other small gifts littered the box before he found the Walkman Richie had bought him the Christmas after they started dating. Inside was the mixtape. He pocketed the Walkman and handmade card before re packed the box and made to leave the room when--

“ _eeeeeeedddieee_ _beeeaarrr_ _”_ him mom’s haunting voice called from downstairs. No, not Cathy’s. _Sonia’s._ Eddie’s blood ran cold and he started to shiver. That was impossible, that was _completely_ impossible. It wasn’t her. “eeeeeeeedddieeeeee” she called again and Eddie fumbled for his inhaler, but he had left it back at the Inn.

“f-fuck, what the fuck....” he looked around the room, spotting a glass beer bottle, grabbing it before leaving the room.

He approached the  Livingroom cautiously, bottle ready to attack. Though after rounding the corner, he drops it out of shock and gasps.

In her chair sat his mom. She was pale white, her eyes were sunken, her throat was sliced clean open and she was drenched in blood. “ whyyy did you abandon me,  Eeeedie ....?”

“ sh -shit! Mom ..... mommy....?” his voice broke. He felt like a kid again. He remembered the way she looked when he found her. She looked exactly the same.  Except now, she was talking.

“you took so long to find me... you didn’t worry about me all that  time....? No.... you were ....too busy.....being a naughty little...boy....” as she spoke, thick blackened blood oozed from her mouth. “thinking about boys like that is a  _ sin _ , Eddie bear....”

“no, I.....I did worry, I....” he hyperventilated.

“I suffered, Eddie.... and it was  allll your  faaauuult .... if you weren’t such a....bad....bad kid....I would be still alive....” 

“I'm....I'm not a bad kid...” his voice was small, squeaky. He was a kid again, 14, shivering in his favorite red shorts and pink polo shirt with the tiny train on the pocket. “I'm a good kid....I p-promise, mommy, I'll be good....” tears ran down his cheeks as he shook in his place.

A sinister grin grew on her face and she made to stand up. Her limbs could barely carry her as she stumbled toward him. Her head flopped from side to side. There wasn’t much neck left to keep it stable. Eddie wouldn’t realize it until later, but he definitely peed his pants a little. “did you use protection, Eddie....? You don’t want to get _AIDS_ , do you? That boy’s....not _clean_. When you’re with someone who’s been touched like _he has....”_

This was ridiculous. This wasn’t his mom. She was dead, she had been for a long time. This was Pennywise, he was screwing with him. He had to compose himself. He was a  40-year-old man, not a 14-year-old boy. He was strong, he had to face her like the man he was!

His shaking slowed and he sent her a hard glare. “Richie’s not dirty. It wasn’t his  fault, he was a  _ victim _ .” he stood his ground as his mother continues to approach him. “and I..... _ was _ ..... a good  _ KID! You.... _ were just a terrible mother!” 

“are you still....mommy’s....boy....Eddie beeaarr....~?”

“not anymore,  **_ bitch _ ** !” he took a toppled over kitchen chair and cracked it over her head, which severed it completely from her neck, blood shooting out and spraying him, drenching his face. Her body fell to the ground but the head was still animated.

Eddie retched but kept his composure and fled through the front door. All while he ran, he could hear his mother’s voice scream for him, her pitch slowly changing, deepening until it faded as he hopped in his car and made his way quickly down the street. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, all I can say is I'm sorry. it was hard as hell to write this, and even harder to proofread it, so I hope you guys are doin okay lol.
> 
> feel free to yell at me in the comments! and what are your thoughts on the events that happened this chapter? is Pennywise the biggest bastard, or what? 
> 
> next chapter will be a bit more calm, comparatively. and it's gonna have a cute Reddie(ish) moment, soooo look forward to that!
> 
> btw, if you're confused as to what Pennywise's slurred speech says, let me know and I can translate it for you. :)


	9. there's still something there.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there are some conflicts, Ben and Richie talk it out, Eddie finds himself in trouble, and Eddie and Richie get the chance to confront each other about some feelings. also im so bad at summaries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> despite my terrible summary, I hope this chap satisfies! as promise, some Reddie, enjoy! :)

Richie didn’t want to go back to the Inn after that. In all honesty, he wanted to just ride his rental car all the way back to  California , but that would 1. take way too long and 2. be very irresponsible. He had to at least pack his bags. 

Walking through the front door, Richie was hoping to be able to walk right up the stairs and into his room, but that wasn’t in the cards today. Bev and Ben were there, sat right on the steps. Like schoolyard bullies waiting for the geek they decided to torment. He knew by the look on their faces that they wanted to ask so many questions. 

“Richie!” Ben  stood, mouth gaped at Richie’s state. His hands and face had blood splatter and he was holding a piece of old splintered wood close to his chest. He looked exhausted, as well. “what happened?”

“ I don’t want to talk about it....” Richie mumbled, practically pushing passed Ben to flee up the steps. 

“you’re covered in blood!” Bev spoke, watching him walk away. 

“it’s not mine....” he mumbled before disappearing into the upstairs hall.

Ben sighed, looking back to Bev. “ I'll ....talk to him....” he ran up the steps after Richie.

Before Richie had the chance to shut his door, Ben stopped it with his arm and pushed passed to go inside. Richie immediately started to frantically pack his bag. He didn’t care if Ben was right there, he just wanted to go. No, he  _ needed _ to go. 

“ wheow , hey now, come on, Rich.” Ben made to stop Richie, a hand on his arm. “what’s wrong, man, what happened?”

“ben, I can’t--” he sighed “ I can’t, just-- I need to go, I can’t  _ be here _ .” he pulled from  Ben’s grasp and continued to pack. 

“talk to me, Richie...” Ben followed Richie around the room as he gathered his things. “you can talk to me, we’re friends, right?” Ben and Richie weren’t the closest of the seven friends, but he’d like to think they still were close enough to be able to vent to each other. Or tell each other what’s wrong when clearly something was wrong. 

“it was  _ him _ ,  okay....? ” he closed his eyes tight, keeping his back to Ben. “ _ IT  _ was disguised as  _ him _ . It fucking—” he grunted and turned quickly to Ben. “it tricked me. It made me ....think that Patrick was there-- I was so f-fucking-” his breath hitched in his throat as he was working himself up again. He was so fucking done with this panicking bullshit, he needed to leave already! If he left, he could forget again, and he could get back to a semi-normal life. 

Ben helped Richie sit down, holding a comforting hand on his shoulder and giving him his full attention. He was worried about his friend. He remembered Richie’s trial and how they found him, and if Pennywise was as sadistic as he knew he was and had experienced him to be and more, there’s no telling what that thing did to poor Richie. He could only imagine. 

“ ..... it fucking tried to molest me, man.... I have no idea how f-far it would have been willing to go, but if I—if I hadn’t brought up the courage to move, I—it would have--” 

“Jesus, Rich.... fuck, man, I'm so sorry.....” Ben didn’t know what else to say. What did you say in this situation? He wasn’t good at this shit. Bev would have been a lot better. “m-maybe...maybe it wouldn’t have come to that. Maybe it would have just--”

“It put  its hand down my pants, Ben! It had a hold of my f-fucking  _ dick! _ " He breathed deep and Ben ran a hand on his arm. Ben’s attempt to steer Richie’s thought from what might have happened didn’t work, so he chose not to comment again. “s-sorry.... sorry, I know you were only trying to help...”

“no, Rich.... it’s okay... just...just try to breathe, okay? breathing exercises help me sometimes when I'm overwhelmed. Just.....in through the nose and out through the mouth, deep breaths....” 

Richie nodded and Ben guided him in  meditative breathing. It did help a bit. He calmed down enough to stop shaking, at least. “but, there’s.....there’s one good thing that came from that.” Richie managed to compose himself enough to smile slightly toward Ben. “I fought back. That stupid  _ bitch _ thought he would screw with me by bringing my worst nightmare back to haunt me, but it helped me realize ....I'm not fucking scared of him anymore....” he shook his head, smiling toward his bloodied hands. “I imbedded the fucking axe in Patrick’s skull. If it was really him, he would have been dead.” he gave a small chuckle as if just now realizing this. He would have killed the man who ruined his life. At the very least, he was able to kill the fear he had in his heart. Pennywise couldn’t use this against him anymore. 

“good for you, Rich...” Ben gave Richie a small pat on the back, smiling proudly at him. “ I'm proud of you. You faced your fears head-on and managed to overcome them. And you know what this means?” Richie looked up from his hands toward Ben. “this means ....that you can face that fucking clown and help us beat his ass once and for all. Fleeing now ..... won't help anything. It'll just prove to him that you’re still at least a little scared.  _ Do not _ give that bastard the satisfaction.”

Richie thought for a second. He didn’t want to seem afraid, because he wasn’t. He was just sick of being here and sick of dealing with the memories. But he had a lot more things to deal with here. The fact of the matter was, he couldn’t leave. Not yet. “yeah.... yeah, thanks, Ben....” he smiled a little. “can ....can I, um....be alone for a sec? I don’t mean to be rude, I just....”

“oh! No, no of course, man, just....” Ben stood up, patting his back. “come down when you’re ready.” Ben left the room to allow Richie some time to think. Hopefully he wouldn’t talk himself back into leaving. 

===========================

When Eddie walked through the door, he looked like a stiff board covered in slime. He was walking completely straight, looking forward with eyes wide like he’s seen some heavy shit. 

“Eddie, oh my god, what happened?” Bev was still on the steps. She had just sat back down after Ben ran off to talk to Richie. Eddie looked a lot worse, though. 

“ I'm fine, it’s fine, everything’s fine,” Eddie spoke fast and just as dismissive as Richie had been, but she guessed he was just trying not to vomit. She didn’t even want to know what he was covered in. Eddie fled to his own room to clean up. 

_ Splash! _

Eddie frantically threw water on his face from the sink in the bathroom, scrubbing away at the drying blood on his skin.  “oh yeah, and my mom? I knocked her head off with a chair and her blood sprayed all over me!” he gave a fake, loud chuckle, reaching over to his left to grab a towel and started drying his face off. “ ’hey, it’s Mike Hanlon, why  doncha come back to Maine’ !?” he mocked before putting the towel down and reaching forward to close the medicine cabinet. 

As he closed it, the mirror revealed a man standing behind him in a blood-soaked psychiatric patient uniform. Judging by the mullet and the deranged look, it was Henry. “it’s your time, Eddie” Henry spoke and, before Eddie could really react, took out his switchblade and stabbed it into Eddie’s left cheek, the blade going right through and into his mouth. Henry started to laugh and Eddie yelled, stumbling backward. All Eddie could think of to do was attempt to ask ‘why!?’ to which Henry replied, “because he says it’s your time!” while laughing as if this was the funniest thing he’s ever seen. 

“who...who says it’s my time?” Eddie attempted, his ability to speak hindered by the  sheer amount of pain and the fact that there was an entire blade stabbed through his mouth. 

Henry’s maniac laughter stopped suddenly and he gave Eddie a serious look. “oh. You know.” and then the laughing started up again. 

Eddie, freaking out and laughing as well out of shock, slowly  stepped into the shower and pulled the curtain back. Like a baby with no object permanence, Henry seemed to immediately not know where Eddie had gone. Perfect, that gave Eddie time to—fuck, he had to get this knife out of his face!! Taking a deep breath and biting down on his left hand, he uses his right to slowly pull the knife out of his face. Damn, that hurt like hell, but now wasn’t the time to cry or scream. Henry finally figured out Eddie was behind the curtain and was about to pull it back, so Eddie had to think fast. What to do in a situation like this?

“Now give me back my  **_ fuckin _ ** ** knife ** \--!” Eddie thrust the knife forward, though the shower curtain and into Henry’s chest. Then he pulled it out and thrust forward again, and one more time for good measure before Henry stumbled back, bringing the curtain with him and revealing Eddie, still standing stiff with his hand up as if he were still holding the knife. 

He took a deep breath and stepped out of the tub, back to the wall and inched his way along the wall out the door, eyes on Henry as he did. “you should cut that fuckin mullet; it’s been like 30 years man.” one last comment before exiting the door and stumbling down the hall. “guys! Guys, help!” he managed to yell out before his mouth filled with blood and he tripped to the ground. 

Running up the stairs, Bev screamed at the sight of Eddie. “ed!” 

“Eddie!?” Ben, who had pretty much just left Richie’s room, ran to their side. Bev had kneeled down, trying to help Eddie stabilize on the floor of the hallway. 

“bowers  is in my room...” he spoke, though the blood pooling from his mouth was making it a little difficult to speak properly. Ben rushed to Eddie’s room. 

\-----------------------------

Back in Richie’s room, the other was attempting some more breathing exercises to get himself composed to leave his room and rejoin the group. That was until he heard the commotion outside. 

“guys! Guys, help!” first he heard Eddie’s  panicked cry for help, and before he could react, Bev screamed. “Ed!” and then Ben, “Eddie!?” 

“fuck!” Richie ran out of his room and down the hall toward the commotion.

“is it bad?” Eddie asked Bev as she attempted to close his wound with her fingers. 

“Ed! Eddie!” practically falling to the ground, Richie skidded to a stop beside the two. “shit! Holy shit, what happened!?” 

“bowers.” Eddie attempted, only pushing out more blood from his mouth and  re-opening the wound Bev had just attempted to close. 

“e-eddie, don’t talk, sweetie.” Bev turned to Richie. “Henry, he said Henry’s in his room. Ben--” Richie fled toward Eddie’s room. “Rich! Ben’s in there too—be careful!” 

Richie slammed his arm into the door of Eddie’s bathroom, almost running into Ben who was standing in the middle of the room. “hey, where the fuck is that bastard?!” he looked around, ready to fight before out the open window where Ben had been looking.

Henry was outside, fleeing the scene. He turned toward them and, with a sinister grin, pulled the knife out of his chest, waved at them, then ran to his car. It was hard to make out, but in the  driver's seat looked to be ..... Henry’s dad? 

“fuck!” Richie started to pace the room. “okay-- okay, you...you two go follow him, I'll take care of Eddie.”

Ben nodded. “r-right, okay—are you sure you got this, Rich?” after what Richie just finished going through, Ben wasn’t sure it was such a good idea. Richie  immediately nodded. 

“yes. Just  _ go!” _

_ \----------------------------------------- _

_ “Ow!”  _ Eddie winces, instinctively flinching from Richie’s touch as the other attempted to gently dab away the blood and disinfect the wound with a peroxide-soaked cloth. Eddie was sat on the closed toilet seat in his room’s bathroom, Richie sat on a stool he brought in from the small bar counter in the main room with Eddie’s travel first-aid kit on his lap. Thank god for Eddie’s paranoia. 

“hold still,  ya goober.” Richie smiled, reaching forward to dab away some more. Eddie did flinch again, but not away this time. He just made a soft sound and closed his eyes. This seemed familiar, like DeJa'Vu, but Richie couldn’t point out what it reminded him of. 

That was until Eddie spoke up. “ I feel so stupid...”

_ “ I _ _ don’t know what happened....” Richie spoke low, a glass of salt water in his hand. He sat on the closed toilet seat, Eddie leaning down beside him, cleaning his face off with a wet rag.  _ _ “ I _ _ feel so stupid....”  _

_ “don’t say that, Rich...” Eddie shook his head. “don’t. You're not stupid. You're just  _ _....dealing _ _ with your tragedy in whatever way your mind needs.”  _

_ “ I _ _ can’t even fucking  _ **_ brush my teeth _ ** _ , Eds.... this motherfucker ruined my life....”  _

Richie remembered why this was so familiar. Back then, the day after he was let out of the hospital, he had an episode while brushing his teeth. He remembered being able to feel Patrick in his mouth, and every salty, slimy taste that came with it. He ended up destroying his gums with the toothbrush bristles and Eddie had to come and literally pin him to the wall to stop him. 

Eddie comforted Richie and cleaned him up after, and now the tables had turned, and it was Richie’s turn to comfort and clean up Eddie. The only difference is, this wasn’t a ‘self-harm risk’ case, as his doctors had called him. 

“you’re not stupid, Eds....” Richie practically mumbled. “you didn’t  _ ask  _ to be stabbed in the face.”

“Yeah, well..... I could have dealt with it better....”

Richie scoffed out a chuckle, grinning up at the other. “you kidding me? Dude, you stabbed bowers with a knife that you pulled out of your  _ face _ ! Most people would have curled up and cried and accepted their fate. Or yelled for a rescue. Not you.... you were badass.” 

Eddie smiled softly, chucking halfheartedly. “thanks, Rich...” it was silent for a moment before Eddie spoke again. “ I saw my mom....”

Richie gave Eddie a confused look. “Mrs. Cathy?”

“no...” Eddie shook his head, closing his eyes. “my  _ mom _ . Sonia...” Right. Richie himself had forgotten Eddie had a mom before Cathy. How could he forget Mrs.  Kaspbrak ? He had spent most of their childhood cracking fat jokes and ‘your mom’ jokes about her. Truth was, and he’d never tell Eddie this, but the reason he did that so often wasn’t just to frustrate and annoy Eddie since frustrated and annoyed Eddie was so damned cute, but it was mostly because he couldn’t stand the woman. He hated how she treated Eddie, and how she instilled false fears in him, forced him to take meds that he didn’t need, etc., etc., a thousand times, etc.

“....right...” was all Richie could think of to say. How did he respond to that? Eddie saw his dead mom? The work of Pennywise, for sure, but he’d just let the other continue before he made any actual comment. 

“to get my token, I had to go back home. To  _ that _ home. Everything was ....still there. Worn, disgusting, and falling apart, but still there. Even ..... dammit, even her chair, still had the stains, it still--” he stopped himself, taking a deep breath. “she was there, Richie. She was a damn  _ zombie. _ She belittled me and blamed me for her death, said I was a bad kid, I felt so small ..... and I swear to  _ god _ , I was a kid again, Rich, I  _ was _ . I was 14, I was in my favorite shorts and shirt--”

“the pink train shirt and red shorts?” 

“--yes...” Richie nodded, humming in response. Eddie continued. “I pissed myself, I was so fucking scared. I was so  _ fucking _ scared....” Eddie began to tear up, shaking slightly as he sat. Richie had finished cleaning his wound and was now giving Eddie his full attention. 

Richie could see how broken up about this interaction Eddie was. There was no way he could mention what happened to him at the bridge. Not now, at least. Eddie deserved to be able to spill his emotions about his own tragedy, for once. It had always been about Richie, even back when both events happened. It was always Richie. Richie was more important, Richie was going through too much so we can’t tell him what happened to Eddie’s mom, Richie was too fragile to mention this and that around. Even to Eddie himself, Richie was more important. So important, in fact, that he kept his mom’s death from him and kept in his emotions for so long. Solely because he didn’t want to worry him. Because  _ Richie _ had enough to worry about. 

Not today, though. This was Eddie’s turn to be the spotlight. 

“ But, you know what?” Eddie spoke through sniffles, reaching up to wipe his eyes with his sleeve. “I didn’t run. Not immediately, anyway. I fought back. Knocked her.....fucking head off with a kitchen chair.”

“Jesus, Ed.” Richie gave a shocked chuckle. “how strong  _ are you _ ?”

“not that strong. Her head was already.....Jesus, it was like Nearly Headless Nick in Herry Potter.” the two of them shared a slight laugh, though neither one out of full amusement. 

“that’s.....some fucked up shit, dude. I'm sorry that happened. That clown’s a. ....god damned douchebag.” 

“heh, yeah, that’s an understatement...” he sniffled and wiped his eyes a bit more before smiling softly out of one corner. He remembered what was in his pocket. What he had snagged from the box along with his token. 

Reaching in his pocket, he pulled out the old, yellowing homemade get well soon card. The stick figure depiction was drawn in colored pencil with brown swoopy hair for Eddie and black messy hair for Richie. The ‘Eddie’ stick figure was laying side view on a stick figure-like bed with a thermometer sticking out of where its mouth would be and the ‘Richie’ stick figure was on the opposite side of the ‘bed’, one hand to his ‘chest’ and the other in the air. There were music notes strung about to indicate singing, then on the inside, there were the words written in Richie’s chicken scratch, ‘get better soon, or I'll be forced to spoon feed you soup and sing to you until you do!’ and on the other side of the flap was another stick figure depiction of them, though this time just standing in the generic stick figure pose, side by side, holding hands with a heart above their heads. 

Richie hadn’t seen this shit in years. He was so surprised Eddie still had it. Flattered, actually. “well shit....” 

“you remember this? I had the flu for a few weeks, and you were really worried. And we knew it was real because Cathy didn’t fake it like Sonia did... that and I....felt and looked like shit.” he frowned a bit. He knew all too well that his birth mom faked many things. “you thought....you singing to me until I got better was a threat, but I loved your singing, and you knew it..... you just didn’t agree with me.”

“because my singing was garbage.”

“I still disagree...” he smiled slightly. “I thought your singing was wonderful. And I loved that it was only for me...”

Richie could feel his face turn red. He didn’t know what Eddie was trying to get at with all of this, but it was surely flustering him quite a bit. He hadn’t felt like this since the early days of their relationship. Ah, how he missed a simpler time. 

“what were you going to say back in the woods, Eddie...? Before Ben found the clubhouse....” Richie had to know, and he thought now was as good a time as ever to ask. They were alone, they were having what Richie felt was the first real, decent moment since their breakup. 

Eddie knew this question would eventually come, but he didn’t really know how to approach the answer. He had let slip that he “had a heart to heart with his fucking door” in the heat of his jealous rage. Now he had to explain what that meant. “ dammit.. ” he sighed, running a hand through his hair and just focusing his stare on the card in his hands. “when we thought you were still in your room, I....attempted to talk you into coming out.... I said....” he decided to explain what he said wasn’t the route to go. Instead, he opted to repeat himself. Or at least attempting to. “ I'm sorry, Richie.... for everything. All that happened with us, all that happened with my mom and with you, it felt like--”

“like it just happened yesterday.” he nodded. “I know. I. ..feel the same...”

Eddie looked up from the card and into Richie’s eyes, lingering there for a while before he continued.  “then you understand ..... how  _ mad _ I was. How.... _ hurt _ . Which is why I was so short with you last night. I couldn’t hear it, because it stung like hell... but...” he sighed. “I shouldn’t have done that to you... I know you have to be going through so much right now if I'm going through all of just, I mean  _ Jesus... _ "

“it’s not all about me, Eddie....” Richie laid a soft hand on Eddie’s wrist. “you matter too.  _ Your  _ feelings are just as valid as mine.”

Eddie scoffed out a small laugh. “they’re still  _ stupid _ .”

“they’re not stupid--”

“no, they are! They're so stupid! Richie, after all these fucking years, after what you put me through back then, I  _ still _ love you!” he stopped himself after realizing what he let slip. He hoped he could skip that part. His face lit up beat red as he froze, eyes still fixed on Richie’s, who seemed just as frozen and red-faced. 

“what-- what about your wife...?”

Eddie laughed after a second. “Richie, I'm  _ gay _ . I don’t ..... _ like  _ women. I don’t know, maybe something subconscious told me I needed to be with her for whatever fucked up reason, I mean she’s the spitting image of my mom, but ..... dammit, I don’t  _ love _ her. Not like that. Not the way I love  _ you.”  _

That was all Richie needed to hear. That was  _ everything _ he needed to hear right now. Eddie could still be his. He just had to become a homewrecker first. He could live with that.

He leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to Eddie’s lips. When he felt the other kiss back, he made a move to deepen the kiss, pressing in more and bringing a hand up to cup his cheek.

Wrong cheek. That was his wound.

Eddie winced, pulling from the kiss. “ow...”

“...sorry...” Richie smiled gently. “let’s ....finish patching you up....” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally!! after eight chapters, we got some reddie going on! what does this all mean for the two, moving forward? :0 
> 
> also, i would LIKE to say this would be the halfway mark, but knowing me, it could be so much less than halfway. but at this point in my planning, it is halfway. 
> 
> tell me what you thought in the comments! got any predictions for future chapters? any concerns? wishes? also, on that note, let me know some things you'd like to see happen in this fic! or some things you DONT want to see happen! who knows, maybe i'll use your ideas! it has happened before. :) (i will credit u if i use ur idea, as well)


	10. Braver than you think.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the nebolt house scene, but reimagined with this au in mind. things have changed, but it all ends in the sewers one way or another. hope you like the changes!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning that there is a censored vertion of a racial slur in this chapter. i would never type it out completely, but it is implied.

It was nightfall now. It felt like the day went by way too fast, like the events of the day dragged on and on but seemed to be over in an instant. Wasn’t it just 7 am? He was just waking up in  Connor’s bed only a few minutes ago. 

Richie had gotten a call from Ben, saying that they tracked Henry down to  the library where Stan and Mike were. The two, who had just finished with their little moment in the bathroom, headed out in  Richie’s car.

As they drove through town toward the library, they passed the Falcon, and Richie found himself slowing slightly and staring over as if trying to peer through the window. He wondered if Connor was there. Why was he thinking about Connor? He had Eddie back. Or so he’d hope, judging by their moment before. Richie wanted to say something when he felt Eddie staring, probably wondering why Richie was eying the town’s Gay Bar. Tell him how Vic and Belch- or Reg, rather, owned the place. Together. Can you imagine? Those two together? But he didn’t, because if he did, that would give away the fact that he was out the night before. Even though Eddie seemed to know Richie was with someone, he didn’t know with who or  were he was before. He'd like to keep it that way. 

\------------------------------------

“oh Christ!” Richie exclaimed as the two entered the library, Eddie recoiling and gasping. On the ground was Henry’s dead body, a small axe in his skull surrounded by blood. Ben and Bev were standing around probably contemplating how the hell they’d get away with literal murder while Stan was tending to Mike’s arm, which had been cut up from the scuffle. “the  _ fuck _ happened here?!” 

“Mike was attacked.” Stan stated plainly, not looking up from his work on Mike’s arm. “luckily, I was just upstairs. Heard the commotion and. ....did what I had to do....” 

“shit....”

“so, he ....he’s dead?” Eddie asked, looking around. to anyone other than them, that wasn’t a very smart question, seeing as his skull was split open, but none of them judged. They understood why Eddie asked. 

“yeah.... yeah, he’s dead....” Bev  nodded, arms crossed over her chest. 

Ben breathed out, looking over toward  Mike. “what now, Mikey? We got our artifacts—what do we do now?”

“the ritual. We.....need to go over the ritual, then ....then..." he sighed. “we end this shit once and for all.”

“well?” Richie shrugged. “most of us are here, but ....where the hell is Bill?” 

Stan looked to Mike and he sighed, taking out his phone and calling up Bill. Before he really could speak, Bill cut him off and spoke up. 

“I can’t d-d-do it,  Mmmm -m-Mikey, he t-took the kid  _ right in front of me _ , man, it-it's all m-my f-f-fault, e-everything's m-my fault!” Bill spoke on the other end of the phone, distraught and in tears, running through the  fairgrounds back to where he put his bike. 

“no-- Bill, look, take a deep breath, okay? Just-just  _ come here,  _ to the library, we’re all here. We'll go over the plan, and--” Mike tried to reason with him, though it didn’t seem to be helping.

“no! N-no, I-- I'm  gonna k-kill it and—and I d-d-don't want any of you to get k-killed with me!” 

“Bill, no, don’t--!” Mike tried one last time before the other end went dead and he sighed deeply, putting his phone down. “fuck!” Mike stood.

“what happened?” Stan questioned.

“he’s ....he’s going to kill it alone. We have to go stop him, we  _ all _ need to be there for the ritual, we all need to do it together!” 

“well ....well where’s he going...?” Eddie asked, not seeming to really want to know the answer.

“....where....where we have to do the ritual.... Nebolt, ITs layer....”

“oh  _ fuck.... _ " Richie mumbled. 

\------------------------------------

Outside of  Nebolt , Bill had his back to the road, facing the old decrepit door, about to enter when the others run up into the small unkempt yard. “bill!” Stan yelled, stepping forward. 

Bill turned to them, tears in his eyes. “no! No, d-don't, stay back!”

“bill, this is crazy, don’t do this!” Mike exclaimed, stepping forward with Stan. “when we fought it last time, we were together, we need to be together this time, too!”

“no, it’s my f-f-fault all of you are here, it’s my fault, if-if I  di -did-didn't make you-you guys go down to the barrens to f-f-find g-g....Georgie....” he looked toward Stan. “I'm s-s-so sorry, Stan, if it weren’t for me.....you wouldn’t be destined to die.... so ..... so I-I'm n-n-not going to l-let you get the  ch -chance to be killed down there!” 

“bullshit, Bill,” Stan grunted, brows narrowing. “It had  its sights on us all since  _ day one _ , if we didn’t know what it was, we wouldn’t be here right now because we’d all be long dead.” Stan looked around. “we all know this. If it weren’t  for you , we’d be dead, so I'm sorry Bill, but we in good conscience cannot let you do this alone.” 

“...he’s right. We're in this together, no matter what.” Bev spoke up, nodding. 

“yeah.... yeah, we’re not going anywhere....” Ben stated. 

“....guys...” Bill attempted, but couldn’t think of what else to say. It seemed his friends weren’t going to be giving up so easily. 

“we’re going....Bill..... you can’t stop us.” Mike spoke in a low tone and Ben nodded.

“losers stick together.”

there was a moment of silence before Eddie spoke up. “should ....should someone say something...?” Eddie asked, looking around. 

“ ..... I th- th -think.....I think Richie said it b-b-be-best the last time....” 

Richie gave a confused look. He wasn’t completely sure what Bill meant, but he dug in his  long term memory for the answer. “... I don’t  wanna die?”

“not that....”

“......lucky we’re not measuring dicks?” the others gave him a look and he shrugged. He had to think hard for this one. And then he remembered it, clear as day. “ ..... let’s kill this fucking clown.”

\-------------------------------

Entering the house, it seemed a lot more trashed and older than it had been the last time they were there, which was to be expected, though the new additions of oozing slime from the stairwell and down the walls was not at all to be expected. “well, I  _ love  _ what he’s done with the place.” Richie spoke up jokingly, though was shut down by Bev’s mumbled, “beep  beep , Richie,” thereafter.

The group split into smaller groups,  Eddie, Richie, and Bill entering the lounge area and the rest heading for the kitchen. They weren’t really sure what they were looking for. In hindsight, this detour was unnecessary, they should have immediately headed for the basement. This wasn’t apparent at the moment, though. 

Almost immediately  upon entering the lounge, about to comment on the musky smell and, “I wonder how many horny teens have gotten down on this couch.”, Richie’s thought was cut short of even starting when the door slammed shut. “what the  fu —HOOOLLY SHIT!!” Richie gasped falling on his knees and clenching his stomach. 

“Rich!?” Bill exclaimed, rushing toward him and helping  stabilize him. “what’s wrong?! Richie!”

“ahh!! F-fuck, my....my scars, man,  _ shit!”  _ he cried out, gripping tightly to Bill. His face scrunched in agony as he shook. his stomach, right where his carved scars were, stung like hell, like they were being ripped open. Something was wrong. 

Bill pulled Richie’s shirt up to reveal his stomach, and to their horror, his scars were opening, as if a  phantom were recarving the words. 

_ P R O P E R  _ _ T Y _ __

“oh  ffuck , man!” Eddie gasped, backing up toward the wall. He wanted out, he wanted out so bad. This was too much already. 

“oh my god! Oh my god, what the hell is--” Bill exclaimed, cut off by the echoing laughter of Pennywise, seeming to be surrounding them from all angles. 

_ O F _

_ “we don’t want these carvings to fade, do we, Richie?” _

“ow \--!! Oh  _ fuck _ , stop!!  Aahh !” Richie yelled and cried, the tears  streaming from his eyes both from the pain and from the all too familiar feeling, remembering how it felt the first time these words were carved, remembering how excruciatingly slow it was. 

_ P A T  _   


_ “ _ _ Just like your little ‘R+E’. This is what you did, didn’t you?” _

The vision of IT is in the mirror, holding onto Richie, opposite Bill and carving with a blade into his skin, wide sinister grin toward the group.

There was a machete on the ground, one that Bill had dropped, but he couldn’t reach and he had to hold onto Richie. Blood was gushing from his newly carved wounds, and Bill had his jacket pressed against it to stop the bleeding. “Eddie! Eddie, get the knife!”

Eddie was frozen. He wanted to help, but he couldn’t move, he was useless. His entire body stiffened against the wall and he mumbled to himself that he wanted to go home. Bill continued to shout at him to move but that only seemed to make it so much worse. 

_R I C K_

_ “Carve the same  _ **_ spot _ ** _ until the wood started to  _ **_ split.” _ **

“Oh  _ fuck,  _ man,  _ FUCK!!”  _ Richie yelled as the phantom blade started to slice into his neck. “b-bill!!” 

“Eddie, Jesus  Christ !!  _ MOVE!!” _

“ I -I-I can’t-- I....!!” at that point, the others ran in, a brick crashing into the mirror and shattering it. Just as if nothing had happened, the opened wounds disappear, leaving just the old scars from the first time. 

Richie took a few deep breaths as Bill handed him off to Bev. She helped calm him down to the best of her ability as he was starting to  hyperventilate . “breath, Rich, breath!”

“it-it f-fucking—Bev, my s-scars, they--”

“ I know, Richie, but look, it’s okay now, they’re gone. Deep breaths, sweetie...”

Eddie sighed deep, tense stance going limp. “fuck, man, this is--” before he could finish, Bill grabbed his collar. “h-hey!”

“what the f- fuu -fuck, man!? What were you doing!? R-Richie could have fuckin  _ died _ back there! Do you want him to  _ die,  _ Eddie!? First g-g-Georgie, then the k-kid, Stan’s  gonna die, you want Richie too!?”

“n-n-no, I-- I don’t want Richie, I don’t!” Eddie shook, scared of Bill’s anger. Bill never really  got this way. At least he didn’t when they were younger. He was truly upset with Eddie, as he should be. Eddie should have done something, but he just ..... couldn’t. 

Eddie teared up, crying like a little kid. His voice was small. “please don’t be mad, Bill ..... I-I was just scared.....” something in the way Eddie spoke struck something in Bill. Like an old memory, something about his brother, something about seeing him after his death. He remembered Georgie saying the same thing in the basement. 

‘ _ please don’t be mad, Bill.’ _

Bill released Eddie’s collar, a calmer tone now. “that’s what it wants ..... right....? Don't ..... don’t give it what it wants....”

Once everything was calm, or as calm as they could be, and Richie had stood up, informing Bev who had his arm that he was okay, Mike started to speak up. “we...need to go. There's still something  lurking around here, we just had to deal with--”

Just then, a  screech was heard, followed by skittering across the wood floor. “ ffffuck , there it is....” Ben spoke, backing up.

“it? What ‘it’?” Richie’s question would soon be answered when the head of Eddie’s mom, which had sprouted fuzzy spider legs, scurried into the room.  _ “ _ _ EEEEDDIIieIEIEieeeeEEE _ _!!” _

“m-m-mommy...?” Eddie spoke, backing up, eyes wide.

“the FUCK is  _ THAT!?”  _ Richie exclaimed, backing away as well. 

“well....it  _ was  _ my wife’s head....” Stan spoke.

_ “ _ Eddie! Don't give it what it wants, remember!?” mike yelled toward Eddie.

_ “EEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDIEIEIEIEI YOU KILLED MEEEEEEEE” _

“don’t give it what it wants, don’t give it what it wants, don’t give it what it wants....” Eddie repeated, eyes glued shut. 

“your wife?  Sh -she-she's not d-dead!”

“yeah, well ....this fucker doesn’t play by those rules....” he grunted, grabbing a loose plank off the ground. “just shifts into whatever would hurt you the most....” Stan lunges forward, hitting the head with the plank. It flies off toward the far wall, knocking off of it, though that didn’t seem to really do much other than changing its course from Eddie back to stan. it changed back into Patty and hurried fast toward stan. 

_ “ _ _ babylove _ _ how could you leave meeee,”  _

Stan backed, readying himself for another swing.

_ “for that  _ _ ni _ _ **** farmer boy!!?”  _ Patty’s voice changed to Pennywise as it lunged for Stan. The other wasn’t able to react in time before he was attacked,  razer sharp teeth bearing down on him, chomping away at the air. “ _ it’s your time, Stanley! You're overdue to float _ _ \--!! _ _ ”  _

“I won’t let you have him, mother--” Mike slammed the machete down onto the now fully Pennywise spider-head’s skull. “ **_ fucker!! _ ** "

As it fell off of Stan,  Bev reared back and kicked it out the doorframe of the lounge where it crawled away from them. 

“ hoooolly fucking shit....” Richie breathed deep, hands on his knees and Eddie did the same, leaning into the wall. 

“Jesus, this is some fucked....shit....”

Stan stood up, giving Mike a stern look. “you’re  gonna have to let me go sometime, Mikey....” 

“Not  gonna happen, Stan...” 

\-------------------------------------------------

It was dark in the sewers. Dark and wet and the smell was one that could not be described. It would surely linger for a long time on their clothes and skin. Eddie tried his best not to think about the fact that they had to trudge through greywater to get to their destination. 

They stood atop a pile of what seemed to be rubble, though there was a manhole-like latch with intricate details scribed on it leading to god knows where. Or really, Pennywise knows where and the losers would soon find out. Whether they wanted to or not, they’d find out, and none of them really wanted to.

“what’s down  there....? ” Bev broke the silence, looking up from the manhole door to Mike.

“no one knows for sure... but we’re going to find out.” Mike pulled the latch open, everyone instinctively recoiling, but Mike didn’t  hesitate before climbing down. 

One by one,  reluctantly , everyone joined him down, climbing the narrow tunnel to what they could only assume would be a nest of horrors. 

That is, except for Eddie. He didn’t move from his spot, and just before his turn to head down, he shook his head. “.... I can’t do it....” Richie, who was about to take his first steps into the tunnel, turned to him. “you ....you saw me back there, Rich I was....I was  gonna let you die, I-I just froze up... if I....if I go down there with you guys, I’ll get us all killed.” he took a deep breath and took out his inhaler, taking a puff.

Richie sighed, grabbing the inhaler and fighting with Eddie’s hand to take it from him, all the while the other fought to take a few more puffs before Richie succeeded in retrieving the device. “look, you had a moment? Fine. But who killed a psychotic clown before he was 14?”

Eddie took a moment before he knew what Richie was doing. “me.”

“who found his mom murdered in his home and lived in a clubhouse for three days while still putting the emotions of his friend first?”

“also me....”

“who knocked the head off his zombie mom with a fucking chair?”

“....me...”

“and who stabbed Henry Bowers with a knife he pulled from his own face?”

Eddie gave a deep sigh. He knew exactly what Richie was trying to do. “me...”

“you’re braver than you think, Eds...” Richie was right. Looking back on everything he did, everything he’s experienced, it made him seem a lot  more brave and badass than he would think. “now let’s go get this son of a bitch, huh? I'll buy you ice cream after.”

He could do it. Eddie could do it, he  _ had _ to do it, not just for his friends, or this town, but for Richie. Richie had promised  him, back when they were kids, the day they left the sewers and took the blood oath, that he wouldn’t let him die. No matter what. Eddie had to do the same for Richie. He couldn’t let him die, and this meant being much braver than he thinks. 

“chocolate chip?”

“Whatever you want, man.” Richie smiled.

“Alright....” Eddie nodded. “it’s a date.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> teeny bit more Reddie there at the end. will Eddie and Richie be able to keep their ice cream date plans? stay tuned for the final fight rewrite! not sure if that will be next chapter or not (i haven't outlined chapter 11 yet) but it's gonna be a hell of a ride regardless! 
> 
> also, how did you like the direction I took the Nebolt scene? I'm having a lot of fun rewatching the movie and rewriting important moments based on the au! I hope it's to your liking!
> 
> any scenes skipped like the scene were Bev is taken under the water by Pennywise gramma, have stayed the same. so if I skip a scene, that just means nothing in that scene really changed, besides the fact that Stan is involved.


	11. final fight part 1: not scary at all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the losers make it to the nest and are faced with some trials. part 1 of the final fignt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> breaking up the final fight into 2 chapters because this chapter has been taking way too long and i'm worried everyone will leave if i don't get it out, so.....here ya go!

_ “This kills monsters. If you believe it does.”  _

Beverly’s words echoed obsessively in Eddie’s head to the point of him mumbling under his breath. His tight grip on the spike she gave him and these words, along with the knowledge that he had to protect Richie as much as Richie knew he had to protect him was the only things keeping his legs moving through the caverns. He felt his heart pound out of his chest the closer they got to their destination, wherever that may be. He wasn’t even the one on a final destination train to inevitable death, though Stan was less terrified than him. One might say he welcomed death at this point. He wished, at this moment in particular, he could be a little more like Stan. 

One tight squeeze through a small opening and they were there. In ITs nest. 

It was a large cavern, stretching up so far it made them all wonder how deep underground  they really were. The middle of the ‘room’ housed jetting spikes with a flat surface in the middle. It almost looked like a freeze-frame of a splash of water. Looking closely, the spikes seemed to be formed from solidified black goop, as on the ends were droplets that floated up into the seemingly endless void above them. There was a sense of dread amongst the group. This is where all their lives could come to a gruesome end at any moment. This was a battleground. 

“This is where IT hid...” Mike spoke as they all slowly wandered in, looking around like curious kids in a new place. 

Eddie, preoccupied by peering up into the void above, trying to spot its ending point, felt a cracking under his shoes as he stepped down from a ledge. Looking down to see what it was he was stepping on, he shrieked, almost falling over as he noticed he was crushing human remains under his boots. a skull and some bones, it looked new, freshly picked apart.

Luckily, Richie wasn’t far behind, and he managed to catch him, arms going around his waist to stop his fall. “ whoew , you ok, man?” Richie asks, concern in his voice.

Eddie felt his body tense and his face go red. Why was his face red? Richie’s held him time and time again, so why now, and  _ here _ of all places? “y-yeah....I'm fine....” they seemed to linger like that for a bit too long and Stan would be the first to call their attention back to reality. 

“Hey, you two, leave the love fest for the after-party.” he groaned, rolling his eyes before continuing into the center of the nest with Mike. 

They straighten themselves up, averting their gazes. Eddie was quick to change the subject.  “so all this has been under Derry for like ....forever ?” 

“not forever,” Mike stated, looking up. “Just a couple Billion years.”

\---------------------------------------------------

They stood in a circle inside the center of the nest, surrounding the leather Native American Artifact that sat in the dead center. After dousing the interior with lighter oil, Mike lit a match and tossed it in, setting a small fire inside. He glanced around at the others, nodding to them to start with the ritual. “your artifacts. Toss them into the fire.” 

It started with Richie. Reaching in his back pocket, he pulled out the piece of wood, clearing his throat before beginning. “uh...this ....this is a piece of the kissing bridge. This....holds both memories that I'd much rather forget....and...” he smiled slightly, glancing at Eddie. “some that I'd love to cherish forever.” he turned the piece of wood around. “the carving that I made long before Eddie and I got together. I'd....ritually carve it any time I passed there, hoping.....hoping that in doing so, it would will me to finally confront my feelings. Oddly enough......if I never stopped on the bridge to re-carve this that day.....” he stopped himself from saying anything further. The others knew what he was saying. He didn’t have to explain it. 

He stared down at the piece of wood in his hands for a bit longer than he should have. He had second thoughts, regrets. This carving was so near and dear to him, but also so painful and reminded him of what life could have been like if he had just ....went home that day and didn’t linger. Would it have happened some other day instead? Or would it have never happened? He could possibly have had a relatively normal childhood, and maybe even a relatively normal adulthood. He wouldn’t have been an alcoholic. That started after being forced to chug five bears. He liked how it made him feel, it made him numb and allowed him to forget. It was the one thing Patrick made him do that he liked. 

“Richie?” Mike spoke, not wanting to  interrupt but they had to move along. 

“....right....” he sighed deeply, tossing the piece of wood in. It was silent for a moment before Eddie spoke up. 

“ ....you cut a piece of the kissing bridge off?”

“oh, I did much more than that....” Richie gave a slight grin. “knocked that bitch to shreds. Probably see something in the news tomorrow.” 

“shit, Rich...” Ben spoke, slight worry in his voice. He was just met with a shrug from the other. 

Eddie cleared his throat and fiddled with something in his hands. He knew he was next, and he was also having second thoughts. This tape meant a lot to him, but it was time to let go. 

Richie recognized the item and his face fell. It was the tape he made him in 1988 for his birthday. Was Eddie really going to burn it?

“This, um ..... this is the tape Richie made me for my 13 th birthday. He put a bunch of love songs, then a 50s song called ‘Eddie, My Love’ at the end. At first......at  first , I thought it was a joke. This was Richie, it had to be a joke, my heart wouldn’t let me believe anything else, and after asking Richie ..... he said that it was, and that was that.” he smiled slightly. “come to find out, after we started dating, that it wasn’t a joke. Richie had attempted to confess to me just a year before via this tape. I felt like ....a complete ass.....but.....but this tape, even though I was under the impression it was a joke, was something I cherished for a long time. It never ceased to make me smile.” he paused for a moment. This tape meant the world to him, and it meant the world to Richie. He was mad before, he wanted to let go of his feeling s before, but now....well, he didn’t want that anymore. “when I made up my mind on my artifact, I thought I would be sacrificing it as a symbol of getting rid of my feelings for Richie, and moving on from him, but.....I don’t want to move on....” he looked up to Richie. “I  _ can’t  _ move on. So instead, I won’t be burning this tape.” he pockets it. Richie’s eyes widen and the others look around, not sure what this meant. 

Mike stammered. “E-Eddie, what....”

“Eddie, you can’t just not sacrifice anything, the ritual--” Stan began before Eddie pulled his wedding ring off and tossed it in the fire.

“shit!” Richie exclaimed.

“eds?” Bev asked in concern.

Eddie crossed his arms. “I've made up my mind. I'm not going to hide in a loveless relationship anymore when there’s someone I actually love still, for some reason, happy as hell to take me back....”

“ Eddie ....” Richie was in tears. He wanted to leap over that damned bucket and hug and kiss Eddie right then, but he knew they still had a job to do. There was a time and place for loving embraces, and that was after they killed this thing. 

Even though this wasn’t a competition to see who’d have the best sacrifice, everyone still knew they couldn’t top that. The rest kept their stories short, as obviously they had a ritual to do and they didn’t need to explain too much anyway.

Stan’s came up last, and he grinned over at Eddie, the other a bit confused before he spoke up. “ironically enough, mine, too, is a wedding ring.” he pulled off his ring and watched it spin in his fingers. “even if Mike singlehandedly attempts to fend off  fate , I can never go back to my previous life. I've died, there’s no coming back from that.” he tossed the ring in and gave Mike a side glance. “let’s begin....” 

The seven of them hold hands and chant, “turn light into dark”, eyes closed tight. The darkness beyond their eyelids shift to blinding light as the deadlights struggle, getting pulled down by the force of the ritual into the container. 

Quickly capping the lid on top, Mikey struggles to keep it closed. The others try to help, but a red balloon inflates within, growing bigger and bigger, forcing them to flee from the center of the nest. 

The balloon eventually inflated as big as the nest and popped on a spike, sending a loud, ear-piercing BANG! Everyone fell as they  cupped their ears, ringing making it hard to hear anything else. 

As they all stammered around, wondering if they did it, Pennywise popped his head out of the nest. He's huge, head as big as a person. He mocked them as he laughed. “tell them, Mikey. Tell them why your silly little ritual didn’t work. Tell them it was all a. ....what’s the word, Eds.....? Gazebo?”

Eddie stammered. “wh-wha-what?”

“...Mikey?” Stan asked, glancing toward Mike. He didn’t know what was going on. Mike had only told him of the ritual, he hadn’t gone with him to visit the tribe. Mike assured him it would work.

“you even managed to trick your ‘friend’ Stanley,  hohoho , how tragic! He left his wife for you, Mikey, he  _ faked  _ death for you, and you have  _ nothing _ to show for it!” Pennywise laughed heavily.

“ma-Mikey!?” Bill  questioned; a bit louder than Stan had. 

“What the hell happened, what’s he saying?” Ben threw out more questions Mike’s way, though the other stayed silent, unknowing  how to respond. 

“don’t tell me it’s true,  _ fuck _ , tell me this is  _ not _ true, Mike!” Stan yelled, tears filling his eyes. Would Mike lie to him like that? To  _ him _ ? There was no way, right? He threw away his life for this!

”ohh Mikey, you never told them what really happened back then, did you?”

“fuck, Mikey, you lied to us again!?” 

“no-no, they-they-they didn’t believe, that-that's why they couldn’t kill it, but we-we believed, we had it!”

“ _ fuck you _ , Mike!” Richie yelled. “ I came back to this shit hole town for  _ nothing _ !”

“n-no, no, listen, we-!” 

As they argued, Pennywise shimmied himself from inside the nest. He had grown spider legs, long hairy and deadly sharp. The others attempted to dodge away, hiding from the deadlights that were floating above the large spider clown, but not Mike. He stood still, in place, tears falling as he blocked out his friend’s screams for him to move. 

“27 years.....I dreamt of you.....I craved you....  ooohhh I  _ missed  _ _ youuuu _ !”

“Mikey,  _ move _ !” Bill yelled from his place behind a rock.

“I'm sorry, guys, I'm....sorry....” Mike knew he fucked up. He fucked up several times, in fact. He couldn’t stand it, couldn’t stand himself. He doomed his friends, all on a whim. 

Extending a large  talon from his palm, Pennywise reals back his arm, ready to thrust it into Mike’s chest. “time to float!”

“Mike!!” Stan screamed, rushing to his feet and tackling Mike to the ground, out of the way of the sharp talon that was barreling down toward him. Stan’s arm was nicked on the way down, below his shoulder, barely missing piercing his chest. The cut was deep, however, and immediately started to gush blood. He gripped onto it, grunting.

“oohhhh Stanleyyyy, that was a cloooooseeee oneee~!”

“S-Stan, are you okay!?” Mike asked as Stan used his uninjured arm to pull the both of them to their feet. 

“ I’m fine, just run,  _ RUN!”  _ he grabbed Mike’s arm, pulling him to run away as Pennywise attempted to attack once more. His large arm came down, smashing into the ground, uprooting and breaking rocks off, flying through the air.

The others joined them, running, dodging jabs and swings, being chased around the marry-go-round, as if Pennywise were playing with them, like a cat and mouse. Chasing and running until the prey lose stamina. The echoing  maniacal laughter from the large being only served to mock them as they attempted to find escape points.

They ended up splitting, running in separate directions. Bill had found a body of water and jumped in, Ben and Bev fled down one corridor and Eddie and Richie down another. Mike and Stan hid behind a bolder as Pennywise was distracted by chasing the rest away. They were all falling into  It’s a traps, this was all just a game to it. 

\------------------------

“Rich!?” Eddie yelled as the two of them came to a dead-end in the cave. Before them stood three doors all three warn and covered in dried blood with words written on each. One said not scary at all, the middle with Scary, and the other end said Very Scary. A game. Pennywise was playing a game. 

Behind the two was a long tentacle-like appendage with razor teeth around the tip. The tentacle just barely pinned them in front of the doors, they were just out of its reach. Like cat and mouse, just a fucking  _ game _ .

“what the fuck do we do now!?” Eddie panicked, looking over the doors. 

Richie remembered these. The doors that he and Bill had been met with back then. “ I was here before....”

“what?”

“back then. At  Nebolt , the first time. When Bill and I were separated from you, we were transported here, in front of these doors.” he looked over them. He couldn’t remember which one they chose. All he remembered was, whatever one it was, it was the wrong one. Was it not scary at all? They chose that one, right? Which one did they fucking choose!?

“well!? You know which is the right one then, right?”

“I....I can’t remember....”

Eddie grunted, looking them over some more. The tentacle was inching closer to them. They didn’t have much time.  IT’s game was slowly coming to an end, they had to make a  decision fast! 

Eddie started toward ‘not scary at all’ and Richie suddenly grabbed his hand, stopping him. “no, no, it...it’s flipped, he’s fuckin with us! Let's go for very scary!” Eddie shrugged and followed Richie as the other made to swing the right-most door open. 

It was a closet. A dark, dusty closet with a string light dangling in the middle. Richie rolled his eyes. “oh, haha, a closet, huh? Come out of the closet, very funny.” he mocked Pennywise’ obvious joke and reached forward to pull the string to turn on the light.

“Rich, wait--” Eddie felt something off about that ‘closet’, but his protests were too late and Richie turned the light on. 

They hear the clacking of shoes come down the hall of this deep, dark closet. As the clacking grows closer and into the light, reveals the ‘amputated waist’ of a girl. Eddie’s fear from back then, when Ben was cut up by Bowers, how do you amputate a waist!?

They scream and quickly shut the door. Very scary was the opposite of what they opened last  time, Richie remembered when Eddie started toward the other door. The bastard switched it on them! “he’s not fucking with us!” Richie exclaimed and they bound toward ‘not scary at all’. Upon opening it, all they saw ahead was a long  corridor , no waists, no disembodied heads of Eddie’s mom, nothing. Behind them, the tentacle had disappeared. “Rich....” Eddie gestured to the cave behind them. “it’s gone.”

“Okay...” Richie nodded. “...let’s go, then...” they made to move down the hall before a tiny bark was heard on the ground. Looking down, there was a small Pomeranian, standing and looking up at them, wagging its tail and panting happily. Richie remembered before they started the ritual, he mentioned he hoped Pennywise’ final form would he a puppy. A Pomeranian, to be exact. What a sense of humor on this guy. “ ooohh I'm not falling for that.” Richie mumbled, glaring down at the puppy.

“no way. No fucking way.” 

Leaning down slightly, Richie spat, “I know your moves, you little  _ shit _ .” 

“Richie, make it sit...” Eddie practically demanded, and Richie immediately complied. 

“sit!” the dog sat, just as happy as it was before. “okay, that’s cute.”

“that’s really cute. What a good boy~” Eddie spoke to the puppy with a  cutesy baby voice.

Richie smiled down at the dog before speaking up as well. “when we get  outta here, we’re getting a dog.”

“we?” Richie just stared in Eddie’s direction, not really sure how to respond at the moment. He hoped there was a ' we . After everything. After their moment in the bathroom, after Eddie tossed out his wedding ring for him. In all honesty, Eddie hoped so too, but on Eddie’s end, he wasn’t quite sure how Richie still felt. What  _ he _ wanted. This question of ‘we’ was more of a need for confirmation. That there was a ‘we’ after all. 

Neither of them got to speak, though, as the dog that was once cute and cuddly transformed into a tall, misshapen and deformed beast ready to attack. 

Yelling, Richie slams the door shut on the deformed dog and grabs Eddie’s hand as they bolt back down the  corridor .

“Next time, we’ll do just plane scary!” 

“next time!?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry about the long wait, and for not a lot as well. it's been one hell of a 2 weeks. I've just been stressed, so I sincerely apologize. i'd hope next one wont be as long, but i can't make any promises.


	12. final fight part 2: nothing but darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie is caught in the deadlights. can Eddie save him? can Eddie save himself? will they all get out alive?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one.....oh boy. all i can say is im so sorry and good luck. :')

The cavern was dark save for the deadlights that loomed above IT’s head, ready to claim a victim. It was like a moth to a flame, hard to not look at, but Mike forced himself into tunnel vision as he peeked out from the side of the large rock formation he and Stan had fled to after they all split. He peered around, eyes darting all over the cavern. The rest of his friends were  nowhere to be seen, no one caught in the deadlights, and IT seemed to be preoccupied with a body of water off to the side on the farther end from where they were. Good, everyone got away. What ‘away’ meant, he didn’t know, but he was glad they were at least safe enough not to be here right now. He and Stan, though, they weren’t as fortunate. 

“it’s occupied and everyone seems to have gotten away....” Mike mumbled as he turned around to situate himself in a more hidden  position . 

Stan winced through his teeth, grunting deep in his  throat , trying to keep himself from being too loud, but it was hard, the pain was really bad. 

Mike sighed, reaching out his hands. “let me see that....” Stan gave over his arm and Mike gently cradled it in one of his hands while he examined the cut. It was deep, almost to the bone. Stan was lucky.  _ Really  _ lucky. His arm could have been cut right off. 

Mike tore a piece of his shirt off the bottom, using the cloth to dab gently on Stan’s wound and wrap it up. “stan, I'm--…... I'm so sorry....” he bit his lip. “for everything.... this....the ritual....”

Stan shook his head, breathing heavily as the pain started to really set in. He was sweating and red. “Nah...Mike, don’t--”

“ _ no _ , Stan, I failed you.... I failed everyone... you—dammit, you left your wife, you faked your own death just for this ritual and it was all just a  whim ...” he frowned. 

“heh....” stan gave a breathy chuckle. “not like you told me to do all that. I mean, damn, I was only supposed to fake some sort of trip, not your fault I decided to be dramatic....” Mike was silent for a moment, just focusing on wrapping Stan’s arm up. Stan turned his head to look at Mike. “Mike, I'm not mad at you ..... please don’t beat yourself up over it, okay?” 

Mike gave a side smile. “okay.... but only because you asked me ..... ” he continued on Stan’s arm, wrapping more of his torn shirt around it as the thin fabric was being quickly soaked by blood. Stan watched for a moment, wincing slightly, trying to stay still. He was starting to feel a bit faint. He had lost a lot of blood at this point, and he thought this might be it. Despite Mike’s efforts, he could feel this could be it. 

He was going pale. 

“do you remember prom  night....? ” Stan mumbled out. His voice was distant. 

Mike nodded, smiling a bit more at the memory. Prom night. Stan had confessed his feelings to Bill after drinking too many glasses of spiked punch. Richie had spiked it. With vodka and whiskey. 

Bill didn’t reciprocate his feelings at all. In fact, one could say that Bill was rather rude when it came to Stan’s confession. He seemed grossed out. You could argue that it was the fact that Bill was also a bit intoxicated at this point that made him react this way, and that would definitely be true. Bill wasn’t like that. But at that moment, he was, and Mike was on the sidelines, a witness to it. He saw how hurt Stan was. He saw him rush out of the school in tears like a girl being broken up with on the dance floor. 

Mike had chased Stan down. He was the only sober one of their friends there. Yes, even Eddie was drunk. In fact, prom night was the night Richie and Eddie lost their virginity to each other, and the alcohol helped their confidence greatly. But that was a story for another time. 

Stan had  run to the clubhouse.  _ All _ the way to the clubhouse, and yes that was a long way from the school. 

Mike comforted Stan, listened to him, was a shoulder to cry on. And they shared a passionate kiss before the night ended. 

“.... I remember.... how could I forget?” he sighed. “ ....you were my first kiss....”

“....I didn’t know why I kissed you....” Mike looked to Stan. “but it felt so right, Mikey...” he smiled. “after Bill...after my heart had been broken into pieces....it felt so right....” he gave a slight chuckle. “it was stupid of me not to realize  _ why _ it felt so right....” he looked up to Mike, and the other was stunned. He knew Stan loved his wife. He loved her so much, and Mike hated it. There was a moment before Stan and Patty moved that Mike could have sworn he could convince Stan not to leave. Maybe now was his last chance to do that.

Mike leaned in and kissed Stan. This wasn’t their first kiss since their reunion. The clubhouse proved that. He and Stan had something. It felt more like a ' friends with benefits' thing, where some of the benefits were snuggling  afterward and soft kisses. Mike really wanted it to be more than that. 

“....I love you, Stanley....” Mike felt himself speak involuntarily as he pulled from the kiss. Was this a bad time? This might just be his  _ only _ time. 

Stan stammered. He didn’t know how to react. He should have known, but he didn’t. How didn’t he know? Was he that stupid?

What about his wife? He loved her. She was his everything, the love of his life. At one point, he thought Bill could be that for him, but he wasn’t. It was Patty. 

But he was dead to her. He couldn’t come back from the dead. He already hurt her so much with his death, coming back would scare her, confuse her, and when he couldn’t explain why he did it, hurt her so much more. He didn’t deserve her anymore, and she didn’t deserve to be hurt by him any more than she already was. 

And Mike, well ..... dammit, did the man make him smile. “Mikey.... I, um....I....--” 

“I FOUND YOUUUUU~” the singy, goofy, bellowing voice of Pennywise rung out above them. They were found. 

They attempted to run, but Stan’s arm was still bleeding. He couldn’t run fast enough. He was picked up by one of the tentacles, hoisted into the air. “STAN!”

“ I'm not scared of you, YOU CLOW ASS BITCH! Eat me! I'm fuckin ready for it, JUST KILL ME ALREADY!”

“ohhh don’t mind if I do, Stanleeey~! I've been waiting for you for a loooong ti\--” 

**_ CLUNK _ **

A rock hit against IT’s cheek, bringing  IT’s short attention span over to where Richie was standing. “hey fuck face!”

It tossed Stan, his back hitting against the wall of the cavern, knocking him out. Mike rushed to  Stan’s side as IT was now  distracted by Richie. 

“you think I'm a whore!? You think I  _ liked _ being raped!? Well here’s what I think about you! You're a  _ SLOPPY BITCH!”  _ IT gave Richie a death glare, its full attention now on the other. Richie just smirked. “Yeah, I'm not afraid! You can’t use Patrick against me anymore! So how about we do a little dance, huh!?” he leaned down, picking up a bigger rock and rearing it back. “yippee ki yay mother  fu \--”

ITs mouth fully opened and the deadlights shined through, catching Richie off guard and pulling him into the trance. Richie went limp, dropping the rock and started to float upward, blood pouring up out of his nose. 

“Rich! Fuck--” Eddie diverted his eyes from the blinding lights and ducked behind a rock out of sight. His breath hitched in his throat. Bev, Ben, and Bill were nowhere to be seen and Mike was occupied with Stan.  _ He _ had to save Richie.  _ He _ had it grow some mega balls and put his life on the line for Richie. No one else could help, this was all him. 

He fumbled for his inhaler, cursing when he remembered Richie tossed it away earlier. He didn’t have his crutch to lean on. It was just him. But was he really enough? He started to panic, gripping tight to the spike in his hands as he slid down the rock wall, tears in his eyes. He felt so useless. “I'm sorry, I.....I can’t....” he mumbled, voice breaking.

==============================

“listening to my mixtape?” this was back after they fought IT the first time. Right after the blood oath, wounds still fresh on their palms, still scared to death at what they had just done and what they could possibly be destined to do in the future. Richie had come into  Eddie’s room that night, through his window, knowing preemptively that he wouldn’t be able to sleep.

Eddie had been lying in bed, contemplating his own mortality, seeing the song Forever Young by Alphaville, the first song on the mixtape Richie had made for him, the one he almost sacrificed, much differently after that day. He didn’t want to die. Being an adult meant he was that closer to death. He felt in the moment that he would die in the caves if they went back. Present Eddie hoped that past Eddie was wrong. 

Eddie sat down on his bed, sighing, continuing to stare at the scar on his palm. “.....yeah.” 

Richie cocked a brow, finding this a bit abnormal. Usually, Eddie would say something like, ‘yeah, so what?’ or ‘shut up, Richie.’, but it seemed like it was Eddie’s turn to be in a depressed mood. 

Richie opted to sit down beside his friend, watching him a moment before lifting his own hand and looking at his scar as well. It was quiet for a moment, save for the music in the background, before Richie spoke up. “.....we’ll be alright, Eds....” Eddie looked toward Richie as the other gave him a smile. “we will. I mean, we fought it once, we can do it again, right?” 

“but what if.....what if we don’t make it out alive?” Eddie closed his palm, looking down. “....something.....something in my gut is telling me.....that  _ I _ won't live through the next fight. Something's telling me.....that if we have to go back there...-” he shook his head. “.....I don’t....want to die, Rich....” 

Richie sighed, scooting himself closer to Eddie, an arm placing around his waist for comfort. “....I won't let that happen, Eds.... I'm not gonna let you die.... you can mark my words, I'll make sure you make it out alive, okay?” 

===============================

“Mark my words, I'll make sure you make it out alive....” Eddie mumbled, remembering what Richie told him that day. His promise not to let Eddie die. “I'll make sure you make it out alive ..... I'll make sure.....you make it out alive...” Eddie grunted, looking toward IT with  determination in his voice and face. “I'll make sure you make it out alive, too, Rich....” 

Eddie ran out from behind the wall, readying the spike to throw. “MARK MY  _ FUCKING _ WORDS, MOTHER  _ FUCKEEEER!”  _ Eddie tossed the spear-like fence post. Everything felt like it was in slow motion. Bill, Ben, and Bev, just in time to witness this burst of heroics, emerged from wherever they had been. 

The spike pierced IT directly in the mouth. It stumbled back, dropping Richie to the ground and spat up lava-like substances as it fumbled back and impaled its self onto one of  its own nest’s sharp edges. 

“oh, shit!” Eddie  exclaimed, not completely expecting all of that. It seemed to go limp on the impaled spear. Eddie ran to Richie, hovering over him. He cupped his face in his palm. “Richie! Hey, are you okay!? Shit, man, I-I think I killed it, I think it’s dead for real!” 

“eds... y-you're alive....” Richie had seen it. Richie had seen Eddie die. In the deadlights. It wasn’t clear. It was blurred. But he knew Eddie had died. He could hear himself scream for him. He could hear himself shout that ‘they needed to get him out of here.’ he felt the sheer emotion that was losing the love of his life. He felt devastation like no other. Richie leaned up and kissed Eddie.

Stan came to, grunting, holding his head. Mike helped him up, made sure he was okay. He didn’t feel like he was dying anymore. The bleeding stopped. Mike’s bandages had been working really well. 

And then Stan saw it. IT was rearing back, aiming to take off Eddie’s head and possibly Richie’s as well. Richie and Eddie were occupied and Stan screamed. “EDDIE LOOK OUT!”

Startled, Eddie sat up, breaking the kiss and turning his attention to Stan. Before he could really react or say anything,  it happened.

Blood splattered all over Richie’s face, chest, hair, glasses. He couldn’t see, there was so much blood. He wiped away some from his frames and let out the sharpest gasp. “e-Eddie!”

Eddie was impaled. Sitting on top of him, a talon through the side of his torso. Eddie was gushing blood, spitting up from his mouth as well. Dark and thick. “Richie.....” they both didn’t know how to react. They heard their friends scream for them, for Eddie, but they didn’t know what to do or they were frozen or both. “r-rich....” Eddie spat out before his body was hoisted up. IT tossed him hard across the room, Eddie rolling into a smaller cavern off to the side. 

“eds!!” Richie screamed, not being able to get to his feet fast enough as he tripped over himself, running after Eddie. The others followed. 

Richie skidded to a halt at Eddie’s side, gently helping him up. Eddie groaned and winced; Richie held him to his side. He was already going pale. Was this his vision coming to life? No, he couldn’t let that happen. He  _ wouldn’t _ let that happen. He made a fucking promise. 

The sound of rocks being smashed at the cave’s entrance was heard as well as the mocking voice if IT. “come out and play, losers!” they didn’t have much time. 

Richie took off his coat quickly, pressing it firmly against Eddie’s open wound, prompting some pained moans from the other. “he’s hurt really bad, we  gotta get him out of here.” Richie stated, trying hard not to let his emotions show through. 

“How are we supposed to do that, Richie?” Bev spoke low, trying to reason with him. She knew there wasn’t much reasoning. 

Eddie grunted deep, crying out. “ shhh , it’s okay, just breath, babe, okay?” Richie spoke calmly to Eddie before he looked toward Bev. “we find a way. Out the way we came, get him some help, then come back for this asshole!”

Bill sighed, shaking his head. “we can’t just leave, Richie--”

“well then  _ I’LL _ leave!!” Richie shot the others a glare. His efforts to hold his emotions faltered and tears started to fall. “I am not going to let him  _ DIE _ down here! I  _ can’t _ ! I promised him I'd protect him, and I will no matter fucking what!” his voice broke as he shook his head. “I ca-can't f-f-fucking lose him, guys, I c-can't, I  **_ can’t _ ** .” he sniffed. 

Ben came running from his explorations to find a way out. “guys, there’s a tunnel! It leads back to the entrance of the cave!”

Stan looked toward Richie who was holding Eddie close. He was whispering to him, but he could hear him. “I'll get you out,  okay....? Please, Eddie, stay with me, we’re getting you out of here.... I fucking promise....” Stan looked toward Mike. Mike won’t let  _ him _ die, either. Mike would have done the same thing if the roles were reversed. He looked back to Richie then nodded. “get him out, Rich.”

“stan....”

“We can do this without them, we’ve got plenty of manpower. It can’t get to us down here, so what we’ll do is brainstorm how to kill it without the ritual. But what’s more important right now is getting Eddie the help he needs.” he looked to Richie. “be careful, okay?” Richie nodded. “thank you, Stan....”

Richie got up, gently taking Eddie in his arms and instructed the other to hold on tight. Before he left, he turned back to Stan. “you be careful too, Stan... we won't be burying  _ anyone _ tonight.” Stan sighed and nodded before Richie ran off. 

\----------------------------

Panting as he ran, Richie booked it out the door of the  Nebolt house. He was out of  breath, he didn’t stop for anything. Carrying Eddie up those stone walls was tricky, but thankfully he had pretty good upper body strength. He grunted as he came to a jogging stop. “eds....e-ds, we-we're out....” he panted deep, trying to catch his breath. He didn’t get a response. Eddie’s eyes were closed and he wasn’t moving. “E-Eddie!”

Gasping, Eddie was startled awake. Richie took a sigh of relief. He had only passed out. Good. “stay-stay with me, Eds, okay? Stay awake.” Richie started to run again. There was no time to breathe or take a brisk walk. He didn’t have his phone on him since it would have been ruined in the sewer water anyway. He had to run until he could find help.

As he got closer to the main road, he saw someone. They were taking a midnight jog. He couldn’t make out who it was, but it looked to be a slender man in jogging shorts. Richie yelled out, trying to get his attention. “h-hey!! Hey, p-please, we need help, my-my friend is--!!”

“Richie!?” Connor’s voice came from the shadowed man. The shadowed man turned and ran toward him. As he came closer, Richie could see it was  definitely Connor. What an amazing coincidence. 

Connor saw Eddie in Richie’s arms. His pale skin and blood drying on his mouth and a bloodied jacket on his chest. “Jesus, what-what happened!?” 

“there’s no time, do you have your phone?!” Connor nodded, dropping the burning questions for now. He didn’t even know who the man in Richie’s arms was, but he was one of his friends, and that’s all he needed to know. He pulled his phone from his pocket and paused his music, dialing 911 and using his Bluetooth headphones to talk. 

As Connor was on the phone with 911, Richie got Eddie set up against a fence, sitting beside him and holding the jacket to his chest. “here we go, Eds, we’re getting you help, okay?”

“I'm  gonna call Vic! They live not far from  here, they can drive us to the hospital.” Richie nodded and Connor walked off to call the others. 

“hey, Rich....” Eddie’s distant voice broke out, and Richie pulled his attention to Eddie. “your promise...” he smiled, albeit very weak. “I'm so ....glad ....you remembered.... heh....” he coughed. “I.....I tried....to do the same....to protect you....but....mmm.....” he took a second. “I'm....so ....sorry I.....I did....such a bad job....” 

Richie shook his head quickly, tears falling fast. “no....” he swallowed hard, trying to speak without his voice breaking too much. “no, Eddie, you did an.... _ amazing  _ fucking job, okay? You fucking  _ impaled _ it. You did an a-amazing job....” he breathed deep, choking up. He could barely see beyond the tears. “I'm s-so...so p-proud of you, my love.... s-so fucking proud....”

The ambulance could be heard in the distance, getting closer by every slow second, and Eddie’s voice getting further by the same. “......so ....ry. ...”

“Eddie....”

“I....love....you, Rich... ie .... so....much....” he smiled as bright as he could, greying eyes looking up toward the other. “and. ....I want  to...get....a dog with you, too... a....small one.....like the.....one in the closet..... only not.... a’monster ...” Eddie started to slip. His lids became heavy, closing slowly. “les get’une....when we....get’out....” The world was going dark. He felt numb and warm. He felt gone. 

All he could hear, as if miles  underwater , slipping further and further into the depths, was Richie’s screams and the sirens pulling up next to them. 

Nothing but darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, so sorry. ^.^; that....might just be the absolute worst cliffhanger I've ever made you guys go through. Nah, screw that, it IS the worst cliffhanger. not only is it a cliffhanger for Stan's mortality, but for Eddie's as well. feel free to scream in the comments and i will scream right with you. scream at me, scream at the chapter, scream about your favorite parts, send me a novel (i love when i get those omg), whatever you want, i'm so happy to read and respond to your comments! <3
> 
> also, for those who read the first fic, remember that last line? "nothing but darkness"? it's from the end of chapter two of the first main fic. parallels! 
> 
> oh, and i have a quick question. would you guys like to see Stan, Bill, and Mike's experience with prom night? i'm going to do prom night on Richie and Eddie's end as a short fic/one shot in the series soon, but i'm wondering if you want to see exactly what happened with Stan, Bill, and Mike as well. this will be a separate prom night one-shot/small fic to the reddie one. :) let me know! the reddie one will be first, though.


	13. revival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie is rushed to the hospital in critical condition. Richie deals with some personal and not so personal stuff while Eddie recovers.

Eddie had died. He really did take his last breaths in that moment and his heart really did stop. Richie felt it. He was holding Eddie close to his chest, one moment he could feel his breath on his neck and the next it stopped. His hand pressed against his chest, but there was nothing. It was a shallow beat before, but then nothing, just an empty lifeless body that once was the love of his life.

Connor had to pull him away from Eddie. Connor wasn’t strong enough to do so by himself, and the EMTs had to intervene. Time was crucial, the more time passes with Eddie dead, the harder it’d be to revive him and even harder to bring his mind back to consciousness. The doctors say four minutes with the heart and brain stopped and it’s near impossible to knock someone out of a vegetated state. Eddie had been dead for two whole minutes. It would have been half as hard, about halfway to near impossible. 

The EMTs brought him back, his heart started up again, but obviously it didn’t wake him up. He was still out. He was rushed to the hospital and Vic drove Richie right behind. 

It was now midnight. This all went down only four hours before. They left the nest, left their friends to kill Pennywise alone four hours ago. Richie was worried for his friends, but he was honestly even more worried for Eddie. He was revived, he was alive, but he was still unconscious. The doctors told Richie that there was still a good chance he’d wake up, but they couldn’t promise. They'd sure as hell try their best. 

This was the same hospital he stayed at after his incident. He lived there for over a week. Or was it just a week? He couldn’t remember. All he knew was the doctors there, or at least the ones that worked there in 89, weren’t the best. He hoped to god the ones working on Eddie were a lot better. He couldn’t bare the thought of having to ‘pull the plug’ on Eddie and wait for him to die. That wasn’t fucking happening. Eddie was going to get better and they were going to move in together, get a dog, or maybe three, and live out the rest of their life in happiness. 

Richie had gotten a call from Mike only twenty minutes ago. They were alive. They  _ killed it _ . For  _ good. _ Even Stan lived, despite how sure he was that he wouldn’t. Stan had merely brushed with death, but fate had nothing on his friends’ stubbornness to not let him die. It was bittersweet for Stan. He was glad to be alive, but on the other hand, he had gone through great lengths because he  _ knew _ he would die. Now he was still alive, and he couldn’t go back to his previous life. Mike would take care of him, though. Stan would be fine. 

The way they killed it, though.... Richie couldn’t help but laugh. “you know what Stan said?” Mike gave a small chuckle on the other end. “he called it a, ‘budget Ronald McDonald ass bitch’. Said it looked like a  coked-up bozo the clown with a tentacle fetish.” Mike and Richie laughed lightly, Mike sighing on the other end. “ ....god , I love him....” he mumbled and Richie couldn’t help but smile. 

“congrats, Mike.... and here I was thinking Eddie and I were the only queer bitches in this group.” he snorted.

“ suppressed me, too, trust me.”

Richie was happy for them, he really was. But he was  unadmittedly a little jealous. Stan was alive and well.  Sure his arm was cut up, but he was alive. Not in a hospital hooked up to machines. Mike didn’t fear that he’d never wake up and that he’d have to make the hardest decision of his life. 

\----------------------

Steven had called the next morning to make sure Richie was on his way to Reno. Of course, he wasn’t. He was just waking up on the uncomfortable couch in Eddie’s hospital room. He would have been next to him, but unfortunately, there were too many wires. And he was scared to  death of hurting him in his sleep. 

“what the fuck do you mean you  won't make it!?” 

“Steven, my—friend was  _ attacked _ , okay!? He almost died!  No, scratch that, he  _ did  _ die! I'm not leaving  him, Steven, I'm  _ sorry _ , I didn’t  _ plan  _ to be attacked by a criminally insane run away!” the story they were telling everyone was that Bowers attacked  them. He attacked them on  Nebolt road and then ran to the library where Stan and Mike killed him. It was  self-defense, no one was charged. 

“Richie, you  _ promised _ -”

“ I said I'd try, I never promised. I said I  _ should _ be back in a few days, and I would have been if this didn’t happen!”

“Jesus, Richie, it’s only for two days, and then you can go back! Why can’t you just--”

“because I  _ love him _ , Steven!” the line went silent. Both of them at a loss of what to say at the moment. Richie didn’t mean to say that, it slipped out. But Steven just didn’t understand! He just wouldn’t let up!

After a few moments, Steven’s low voice came through. “...wow.... you sure moved on fast,  huh....? ” he sounded hurt. He sounded upset and Richie felt like an ass. Steven didn’t deserve to be treated this way.

Richie sighed. “I've been in love with him since we were kids. There wasn’t very much moving on to do....” it was quiet again. He needed off this phone call. “look, I'll make an apology video about the Reno trip, okay? And I'll do anything I need to do in order to reschedule it. I just ..... _ can’t _ leave him.” Steven didn’t answer, so he decided that was the end of their call. “I'll talk to you later.... I'm sorry.” and with that, Richie hung up and got to work on his apology video. He tried to keep it short, only mentioning they were attacked and his friend was in critical condition. He apologized for missing the show, and explained that his friend was very important to him and that he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if the unthinkable happened while he was away. He explained they’d reschedule the show and deliver any refunds they had to. After posting, he logged off and didn’t check social media. He didn’t care to hear the disappointed complaining. 

\--------------------------

Two days passed and Eddie was still out. His breathing and heartbeats were regular and he was stable, but he was still out and the doctors were starting to  lose faith. Richie, however, wasn’t. He insisted to keep trying. He had to come back. He just  _ had _ to. 

Richie was still sleeping on the couch in the room. It was better than nothing, but it was still not great. No matter what, though, he refused to leave. Eddie never left him, and he was going to return the favor. 

The others visited off and on. Bev and Ben had a flight back to Ben’s home that evening, so they stopped by before they left. The group made a text chat with all of them and Richie swore to keep updates coming. Bill also had a flight back to London the next day. The only two, besides Richie and Eddie, who stayed were Stan and Mike. They had plans to start a new life together in Florida. Mike had always wanted to go to Florida. He had no idea why, but he did, and Stan was just happy to follow Mike. “remember when I said you should go with Mike to Florida?” Richie asked, a small grin on his face. Mike and Stan stood on the other side of Eddie’s bed, chatting with Richie about their plans. 

Richie had suggested this to Stan out of a joke the day Mike mentioned wanting to move to Florida. ‘you’d clean up with all the grandmas’ Richie had tagged onto his suggestion, getting eye rolls from some and small chuckles from others. Who knew his suggestion would actually come true? 

The losers weren't the only ones to visit, though. Connor, Vic, and Reg visited as well. Vic offered Richie to stay with them. They had a spare room. It was set up as a kid’s bedroom, but they had yet to be approved to adopt. None-the-less, Richie was welcome to use it for the time being. But despite this, Richie refused. He wouldn’t leave the hospital. 

Connor had been informed that Eddie wasn’t just a friend. Or at least he hadn’t used to be a just a friend. Eddie had been Richie’s lover, and suddenly everything made sense. Connor wouldn’t admit it, but he liked Richie. A lot. He had hoped him and Richie would be able to become something more, but it seemed his heart was somewhere else. It hurt, but he felt for Richie a lot more. His situation was awful. 

Richie had turned on the news at some point. It mentioned the kissing bridge’s  destruction . They theorized that it was Henry that did it since these two events happened so close together. As long as he wasn’t a suspect, he didn’t care. 

That evening, Richie was called by his daughter, Sophia. She had seen his video and grew very worried for her dad. Richie wouldn’t lie, though, that seeing her name come up on his phone made him smile. He missed her. She was away, studying abroad in France. She had just left only a few weeks ago and he already had empty nest syndrome. She was worried about him for that, too, especially after his trip to Baltimore only a few years ago. It had just been the two of them for her entire life and she knew about her dad’s depression and alcohol abuse. Seeing this video, hearing his distress and that he had been attacked made her fear the worst. Especially since she knew he had no planned trips before Reno.

“Dad?” a distressed feminine voice came over the line. 

“Hey, sweet pea~” Richie spoke low, sitting back on the chair next to Eddie’s bed. 

“are you okay? I saw the video, you were attacked? Are you hurt, where are you?...!” 

He sighed deeply. She saw his video. He was so  stupid, he should have called her before posting it. “I'm sorry, sweetie, I should have called you first... I'm....I'm okay ....I'm just--” he grunted. “my friend’s in critical condition. He had to be revived after the attack, they’re trying their best to bring him back to  consciousness .” he glanced over to Eddie, frown on his face. “and. ....I'm in Derry, Maine. My home town. I took a last-minute trip to meet up with old friends, I was supposed to leave two days ago but, well....” he shrugged, as if she could see him. “this happened.... and I'm not leaving him.”

It was quiet for a moment. Sophia wasn’t stupid, she had eyes and ears, she knew her dad wasn’t straight. And she could tell in his voice that this ‘friend’ meant a lot more to him than just that. She wished he’d just  _ say it _ already. “I'm so sorry, dad....” she said in a small voice, quiet for a second. “do you need me to come home? I....I can come home, I don’t have to spend my entire semester in France.”

“no. No, sweet pea, don’t do that.” he smiled lightly. She was always so kind and loving. No matter what he did, she loved him and cared for him. Most of the time, he would argue he didn’t deserve it. “you have fun in France, I'll be okay.” 

“Just keep me updated, alright? I....might not know this....’friend’, but I can tell they mean a lot to you. And.....call me if you need to talk. About  _ anything _ . Okay?” 

“yeah....” he  sighed . “of course, soph....” 

\-------------------------------

Eddie’s phone had been blowing up ever since he powered it back on that morning. At first, he didn’t care. He ignored the calls and texts pinging in every now and then, but after realizing it could be Cathy, he decided to check. It wasn’t Cathy.

Several missed calls and texts from a ‘Marty’. After reading over the texts, Richie came to the conclusion who this was. This was Eddie’s wife. Or, really,  ex-wife . You don’t just burn your wedding ring and confess to still being in love with someone else if you’re just going to stay with the  one you’re married to. Richie’s blood boiled seeing the texts. “where are you?” “Why haven’t you called?” “Are you taking your medicine?” “Eddie, answer me or I'm calling the police!”  etc etc, all in a short time span and that wasn’t even it. She sounded like Sonia. 

He decided not to call her back.

He almost tossed the phone back down on the table when he saw a different text. This one was from Cathy. She seemed concerned. Apparently, Myra called her. Why get the poor woman involved in this shit? He decided he would call Cathy. 

“Edward?” Cathy’s small, old-sounding voice came over the phone. Richie immediately got sad. she  _ was  _ old. Not too old, since she had been young when adopting  Eddie, but still a lot older than he had anticipated. 

“ ....no. ...Mrs. Cathy.... it’s me, Richie.... you ....you remember me?” he gave a slight smile as he heard her breath in a small gasp.

“ ....Richie....Rich ....Richie Tozier? Oh my! Oh my, Richie, how could I forget?! Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry, my old age seemed to have caught up to me....” she took a pause. “I. ..can't believe I could just forget about someone who was so important in my son’s life....”

His smile grew. She remembered him fast. That was good. He'd only hope remembering  _ him _ didn’t bring back memories of not being Eddie’s actual mom. He didn’t want to be the reason the poor old woman’s heart broke in two. “no, Mrs. Truman, it’s alright. I, too, forgot a lot of things, actually.” he gave a soft chuckle, pausing. He  _ would  _ have to break her heart. He'd have to tell her that Eddie was badly hurt and they didn’t know if he’d make it. Could he leave out the last part? The part about potentially not making it? 

Glancing over to Eddie, he studied the way his chest rose and fell. It was rhythmic. It wasn’t patchy and shallow like it had been, and he’d been twitching some all day. Fingers, hands, feet. He wanted to wake up. He could tell Eddie was fighting. 

“where’s Edward? Are you two catching up?”

Richie’s thought and concentration  were pulled back to reality and he grunted as he had to quickly make a  decision . “Eddie’s--…...well....” he sighed. “Mrs. Cathy, Eddie has been in an accident.”

“an accident!? Well, what happened?”

“We all decided on a last-minute ruination. Friend reunion of sorts, and about two days ago, Eddie and I were taking a midnight walk down  Nebolt Street—um...” he took a slight pause as he had to choose his words carefully. “henry Bowers—you remember the boy who killed all those kids in 89? He escaped from the mental hospital and attacked us. We—well, we lived, but Eddie’s in the hospital. He’s still out, but he’s stable and should wake up and heal very soon....” he chose to lie. There was no guarantee Eddie would ‘wake up and heal very soon’. There was no guarantee he’d wake up at all. 

“oh ....oh my....” he could hear her distress. “do-do I need to be there? Does Myra know about this?”

“only if you want to be here, Mrs. Cathy. And....no.... not yet, I guess. Eddie, though....” he sighed, sitting down. “he....well, right before it happened, he threw away his wedding ring....” there was silence. He continued. “he’s going to divorce Myra. He’s......he’s _gay_ , Cathy. He said he doesn’t want to live a lie anymore. It took....our friend reunion to realize that....”

“....oh...well....” she sighed deeply. “ I always knew he wasn’t completely straight, but I figured.....he’d tell his  _ moms _ of all people.” she took a moment before continuing. “thank you, Richard. I'll call Myra.”

He nodded as if she could see him. “thanks. I'll have Eds call you when he wakes up...” 

After hanging up, Richie took another glance toward Eddie. He reached over the bed and took his hand, holding it tight, as if holding it would somehow bring him back. His head hung and he shook, tears coming forward. “please....” he pleaded softly, voice shaking. “please wake up, Eds.... don’t ..... don’t leave me here like this...” he looked up to Eddie’s sleeping face, tubes in and out of both his mouth and his nose. The only sound in the room was the beeping of the heart monitor. Richie focused on that. It was beating regularly. He was alive. He was breathing. 

His hand twitched in Richie’s. “you got this, Eds. You're a fighter. Remember what I told you down there, okay? You're braver than you think.”

“fight for me, Eddie.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhhh I'm sorry this took an entire week, it's been stress. I've been laid off from work temporarily because of the virus and I'm preoccupied with worrying about finances. I have to hold off on unemployment because my boss might be able to help out with it, and the wait is hard as hell. I'm sure everyone else is just as stressed, and I hope everyone is safe and doing well! 
> 
> also!! i am doing emergency art commissions during these hard times! if you want to commission me, go to my Instagram (jamjamzart)! the commission sheet is linked in my highlighted stories.


	14. a new scandel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie deals with some drama that surfaces while Eddie recovers. someone pays a visit to Eddie that Richie wasn't expecting.

Richie slept in Eddie’s bed that night. They weren’t as small as they used to be. Back then, he and Eddie could easily sleep in the hospital bed together with some room to spare, but now as they were much bigger, it was a squeeze. There was one side of the bed where the wire and tubes laid and one side that was free, however, it was a small space and that was what had scared Richie into not wanting to share the bed. He was scared he’d kick Eddie in his sleep, or roll the wrong way. At this point, he just wanted to hold him. He  _ needed _ to hold Eddie like it was the last time he’d ever get to. It might as well have been. 

Richie was woken up bright and early by the doctors shuffling around the room. They tried not to wake him as he wasn’t really in the way, but Richie didn’t really sleep all that well anyway and he was half awake. His arm draped over Eddie’s chest, sure to miss the large bandaged hole in his stomach. 

The doctors seemed a lot less homophobic than they did back when he was there. During his stay at the hospital, he noticed the mumblings and slight glared glances when the doctors thought he was sleeping or not paying attention. Especially when Eddie was clinging to him at night.  _ “why’d we have to get the queer kids?” _ Richie had heard one of his  doctors mumble to the other one night when he had been pretending to sleep. Back then, this confused him. He knew he liked guys, or at least that he liked Eddie, but at that point, their cuddling was nothing more than comfort from a friend. Richie had gone through something no child should ever have to go through. There was nothing ‘queer’ about it. It just made him feel safe. 

Richie remembered this as he laid, head nuzzled into  Eddie’s neck and pretended that the doctors didn’t wake him up. He remembered this as he heard these doctors start to mumble stuff about them, too.

“try not to wake him... I've noticed he hasn’t been sleeping much, so as long as he’s not in the way, we can work around him.” the female doctor spoke to her nurse in a soft tone. It was silent for a moment before the younger nurse spoke up.

“you know who he is, right? The patient’s ....guest ?” there was no response, at least audibly. Richie could only assume the doctor shook her head when the nurse continued. “he’s Richie Tozier? Famous comedian, played on SNL for a while?”

“oh, no shit...?” 

“Yeah. I'm....well, actually I'm a big fan.” great. Eddie’s nurse was a  _ fan.  _ Normally he wouldn’t care, but given the situation, he feared this wouldn’t go well. It took a moment before the nurse spoke up again. “ ..... he’s usually....so happy. Or he seems to be. Even in his vlog videos on  youtube , just ....always making jokes and laughing.” she grew quiet. “..... I heard him crying last night.... sobbing, really.... it was ....jarring . I’ve never seen this man in any of his videos, nor have I ever heard him talk about him, but ..... I can tell that he’s very special to Richie....and I hope they can have their happy ending together....”

Happy ending together.... yeah, Richie sure hoped so too. 

\------------------------------

Richie did end up falling back to sleep after they left. He was so tired and he slept for another two hours before  willing himself awake for the day. Or at least for a little while. There wasn’t really much to do except for staring at Eddie or at his phone, or at the reruns of old tv shows on the small, still looking like the same old tv that was there when he was staying, tv. 

Eddie’s breathing was getting much better. It was heavy, you could see his chest rise and fall now. You could sometimes hear it across the room. He started making noises, as well. Just small grunts and hums, but it was something. 

After a while, Richie decided to check social media. He had been ignoring Twitter ever since he posted that video. # RichieTozier was trending  number five on Twitter. He was scared to  check, He was expecting everything to be about his canceled trip. When he checked, however, he saw something he wasn’t expecting. 

An article on one of those news sites.

_ “ _ **_ Famous comedian Richie Tozier spotted at Gay Bar _ **

_ Around midnight on May 30 _ _ th _ _ , 2016, Richie Tozier, famous for his solo comedy acts and his roles staring as  _ _ Stefon _ _ Myers and various other characters on NBC’s SNL, as well as his lead role on HBO’s Barry, was seen at a gay bar in small-town Maine. He was spotted by fans at the bar, drunk and grinding on another man. Later that evening, Richie Tozier was photographed leaving the bar, arm in arm, with the same man.  _

_ Richie Tozier has been known for his womanizing and borderline sexist jokes, especially those about his  _ _ ex-girlfriend _ _ and daughter’s mother. His acts point to him being straight, but what does this sighting tell us? Skeptics and fans alike would say Richie Tozier has been hiding his true sexuality-” _

“shit!” Richie cursed, closing the article. Of course, he’d be spotted. And of course, the ‘fans’ who spotted him would post pictures. This was exactly what he didn’t want to happen. He wanted to be able to come out on his own. When he was ready. Not like this. Not through an article. And he especially didn’t want to bring anyone else into the drama. Now both his and Connor’s faces were plastered all over social media. What would his mom think? She was already fragile and weak. This could kill her. 

Richie didn’t want to read the posts on the hashtag, but he did. 

_ “ _ _ i _ _ knew it, honestly.” _

_ “oh, another  _ _ scandle _ _? When will he learn?” _

_ “# _ _ RichieTozier _ _? Gay? Never would have thought I'd see the day!” _

_ “good for you, @ _ _ TrashyTozy _ _! Live your truth!” _

_ “hey? @ _ _ TrashyTozy _ _? Please don’t let anyone tell you what to be. Thank you.  _ _ 😊 _ _ " _

_ “ _ _ so _ _ we’re just going to pretend his sexist ass is okay now just because he banged a guy? Gross. You people disgust me.” _

_ “ _ _ i _ _ still hate # _ _ RichieTozier _ _ a lot a lot but good for  _ _ him _ _ I guess? Maybe he won’t make so many horrible jokes about  _ _ woman _ _ anymore.” _

_ “can’t fuckin  _ _ beliv _ _ I liked u @ _ _ TrashyTozy _ _. You  _ _ ficked _ _ a  _ _ gy _ _ , that’s a new low. Unfollowing.” _

_ “guys we don’t know if they had sex  _ _ maube _ _ he just went to the bar to support his gay friend and got drunk?” _

_ “that doesn’t even look like  _ _ richie _ _ you guys are reaching.” _

_ “gay is sin. I hope this is not true” _

_ “Richie! Welcome to the LGBT! Or if this is a huge misunderstanding than disregard this tweet but I hope  _ _ it's _ _ not cause that would be cuuuuute” _

_ “ _ _ Stefon _ _? Irl? Plz?” _

_ “ _ _ whos _ _ the guy.  _ 😠😠 don’t tell me he banged a fan. New low.”

_ “# _ _ StefonMyersIsReal _ _ confirmed. Richie Myers?  _ 🤔 _ @ _ _ sethmeyers _ _ @TrashyTozy?” _

_ “first he disappears for drugs and  _ _ alcohol _ _ now he cancels a big show for an ugly guy in  _ _ Maine _ _.  _ _ Richies _ _ a mess” _

_ “IKNEWITIKNEWITKNIWIT I KNEW I T” _

_ “WE TOLD YOU GUYS. WE TOLD YOU AND NOW LOOK WE WERE RIGHT HE’S GAY # _ _ trashmouthfandomwasright _ _ ” _

_ “NOTHING IS CONFIRMED UNTIL RICHIE CONFIRMS IT SHUT UP” _

_ “can we like _ _....leave _ _ him alone? Did no one see his reno apology video? Let's be decent humans and let the poor man grieve.”  _

There were so many more. Lots of positive, people welcoming him to the LGBT community, people accepting him, but there were still those that hated him and those who were skeptical. His phone beeped with a text.

From: Steve

if you had just  came out sooner, this wouldn’t have happened, Richie.

He deleted the text and logged back off of Twitter. He had a lot to think about. How to move forward with this and confront it. There wasn’t any ignoring this. 

\--------------------

Eddie’s phone went off twice in a row. It was ‘Marty’ again and Richie had it up to his hairline with this woman. After the third ring, he  snatched the phone and answered. 

“Eddie!?” a distraught woman’s voice rang loudly over the receiver. So loud that Richie had to hold the phone away from his head. “Eddie where  _ are you!?  _ You promised! You promised you’d call me  _ every night _ and it’s been three days, what  _ happened!? _ " He already hated this woman.

“This isn’t Eddie.”

“this isn’t-- who is this!? Where's my husband!?” 

He sighed deeply. “this is Richie Tozier. Eddie’s--”

“Richie Tozier? The celebrity? How the hell does Eddie know  _ you _ !?”

He wanted to jump through the phone and punch her lights out. He kept his cool. “we’re childhood friends. Ed--”

“Eddie’s never told me he grew up with  _ Richie Tozier _ ! Why wouldn’t he tell me this!?”

Seriously. It was getting hard to not scream. “just-- just  _ listen _ , okay?” his anger came through for a second and he took a breath to recompose himself. “we were attacked. A few days ago, Eddie was hurt and he’s in the hospital--”

“HOSPITAL!!? Why-why hasn’t anyone called me yet!? Where is he, I thought he was on a business trip!? Tell me where he is  _ right now _ !”

“Mrs.  Trumen ,  _ please _ , just calm down!” he tried in vain to calm her.

“Why aren’t you  _ telling me _ where he  _ is!!?  _ He's my husband, and if he’s hurt, I have to be there--”

“Eddie’s not your  _ fucking _ husband anymore!”  Richie had it. He snapped. He didn’t care. 

“...what ....what the  _ hell _ does that mean...?”

He took a second before continuing. “he threw away his ring. Just before the attack. He's  _ gay _ , Myra, you  _ had  _ to have seen the signs.” 

“ ....how the fuck do  _ you  _ know that?” her voice was pissed. Hurt, in tears, and pissed. He didn’t give a fuck.

“because he and I dated for seven years. High school to college, and guess what? I'm taking him back. Goodbye.” he went to hang up, but she spoke up before he could.

“ i -I'll use this against you! ….. i -I will! I record all of my phone  calls, I'll upload this audio and you’ll be outed!”

He was silent for a second.

“.....not if I out myself first.” he hung up and immediately opened his phone’s camera. 

______________________________________________

**_ Youtube _ ** **_ video title:  _ ** ** I’ve been Keeping a secrete – addressing the news **

**_ Video content: _ **

“ heyyyy , what’s up Trashcans.  Ahhh .....” Richie sighed, running a hand through his hair. His eyes were tired, sunken and red as he’d been crying. His voice was very obviously fake cheery. Even he couldn’t keep up that act. “so ....most of you....if not all of you have seen the article going around about me. If not, well ....essentially a fan saw me at a gay bar and leave with a man.” he shrugged. “and well....to put it bluntly, it’s true. Not fake news, not a look-alike. That was me. A few days ago, I was going through some personal shit—this was before the attack, to give  you perspective, and uh ..... yeah. Heh.” he shrugged again, taking a pause. “yeah ..... ” he nodded. Another pause. He wasn’t sure how to continue. “most of you ..... want to know what this means. Was I there supporting a gay friend, did I think it was a regular bar,  _ am  _ I gay? To tell the truth, no. I'm not gay. …......I'm bi.” he smiled brightly, though the brightness was set to dim. “ I like girls  _ and  _ guys. It's not ..... a  _ new  _ discovery, I've...actually known this about myself since I was.....fuck,  _ really  _ young, like  _ really  _ fucking young....” he gave a soft chuckle. “ i knew it because I was....in love. With a boy. One of my closest friends. I pined over this boy for many years, many painful years.” he took a moment to think. His mom watched his videos. “mom, I know you’re watching....and dammit, I'm so sorry I hadn’t told you sooner. But sit down because what I'm about to tell you next might come as a shock. Or ..... ” he shrugged. “maybe not, depends on how closely you paid attention. I dated the boy I was in love with. After a. ....particularly horrific summer in 89, which I'll uh.....” he coughed. “ i might make a video on in the future.... we got together. We dated for seven years. Seven of the most amazing years. And the boy who I was in love with? The boy I dated for so long? He's the ‘friend’ who’s in the hospital.  _ That's _ why I can’t risk leaving him. He means  _ everything _ to me.” he started to tear up. “ I still love him. And he still loves  _ me _ , and I have come way too far to let the love of my life go so soon after getting him back....” he wiped his tears away, trying to compose himself. This pause will be cut out from the final video. “.....so there you have it. There's ‘my truth’. And you can hate me for it, you can love me for it, but either way, it doesn’t matter because I am done with hiding who I really am.” he smiled a bit more bright than last time. “we’ll  _ both _ be seeing you in Reno. I fuckin  _ promise.  _ ….... trashmouth out.” he ended the video. It was posted soon after. 

\------------------------

Richie reluctantly left the room for Eddie’s testing. He wasn’t sure why they insisted he leave when they did the same thing while he was sleeping and never woke him up. He assumed it was because they wanted him to get something to eat and take a break from staring at Eddie for a while. Luckily, he was very hungry and made his way to the cafeteria. It was spaghetti night. Richie couldn’t help but let out a soft laugh at the pasta the woman slapped onto his plate. “ ..... Eddie Spaghetti....” he mumbled under his breath, getting weird looks but he didn’t care, honestly. 

The food was alright. Not great, but it was food, and he took what he could get at this point. He wasn’t exactly looking for 'old Italian grandma' level; Just 'edible' level. 

He spent a bit more time in the dining hall. On his phone, reading over comments on his video. Mostly positive. Reassuring messages, long-winded, super sweet ‘thank you’ comments. ‘you’ve saved my life’ was repeated a few times. He didn’t understand how, but it made him smile. He made sure to heart and like every nice comment he got. Ignoring the mean, homophobic, ‘go to fucking hell faggot’ comments was hard, but the good outweighed the bad and under those bad, his fans took to defending him, so it was like having little bodyguards there at all times to have his back. Much like his daughter, he felt that he didn’t deserve their love and support. 

Just as if she were summoned, a text from Sophia rang through. “ i would have liked to hear you come out personally rather than through a  youtube video, but at this point, I'm just glad you finally came out in the first place.  😊 love you daddy. <3 and I can’t wait to meet my new stepdad!” He would have called her, told her in person really, but he felt like he had to post the video immediately or he wouldn’t have at all. Even so, this text made him smile. Her new stepdad. He liked the sound of that. Eddie Tozier had a nice ring to it, too. 

“<3 <3 love you so much, honeybunch. You'll meet him soon enough, and you’ll love him just as much as I do. Promise.”

“ ew , I don’t think I want to love him that much.” Richie chuckled. She had his sense of humor, that’s for sure. He just sent her a, “you know what I meant, smartass. <3” and pocketed his phone. It was time to head back to the room. 

\--------------------------------

As he entered the room, he noticed Eddie wasn’t alone. Cathy was there. He wasn’t expecting her at all. She was sitting on the chair that Richie normally sat, holding Eddie’s hand. She didn’t outwardly seem to notice him, so he cautiously tried to re exit the room.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Richie?” dammit. She noticed him.

“ ..... tell you what....?” 

She turned to look at him. Her eyes were wet. “that there’s a chance he  won't wake up.”

He ran a hand through his hair, taking a breath. He searched for the right words. " ….because I believe he will. He had made good progress by the time I called you. He was moving. Slightly, but still moving. And I didn’t want you to worry....”

“but what if he didn’t?” she was stern with her question, looking back to Eddie. “if I had decided not to show up and he died, I wouldn’t have been able to forgive myself.”

“.....I'm sorry, Mrs. Cathy...” when he didn’t get a response, he continued. “I'm just...... I was scared. I still am.... I-I felt.....his heart stop.... I was holding him when it happened.... it was terrifying. But....Eddie’s strong.... you know he is. He's fighting, I can see it. Every day he progresses, he even started to make noises. Eddie’s  _ going to _ wake up. I know he Is.” 

Cathy took a second before she stood up and brought Richie in for a warm hug. They hugged like that for a while. It was nice. He needed that motherly hug. Thinking about moms, he thought about his own. He thought about having to call her eventually. He'd have to confront a  weighing secret he’d been keeping from her forever. 

But that was for later. It was time to catch up with Cathy. He hadn’t seen her since the last year Eddie and him dated. He talked about his career and his daughter. He didn’t mention where she came from. He didn’t want to tell her he cheated on Eddie in collage. 

“I saw the commotion online....” she spoke up after a second of silence. “the article. The man you were with doesn’t look like Eddie.” she gave him a look. He knew what that look meant.

He shook his head. “no, uh ..... that happened before we decided to get back  together. Actually, I um......went to the Falcon because Eddie refused to talk to me about what happened.”

“....what....did happen between you two? Eddie never told me....” shit. There it was. Now he had to come clean. He only hoped she’d not hate him after this. Not knowing about the amnesia really made him look bad. 

“ah, well....um....” he scratched his head. “it was collage,  ya know? I got really drunk and um ..... slept with a girl. She got pregnant and when Eddie showed up for a surprise visit...he found out. Hated the hell out of me. I didn’t blame him, really.” he shrugged. 

She took a moment. It was a long, unbearable moment, not knowing if she’d hate him or forgive him. “well ..... if my son could find it in his heart to forgive you..... then I guess I can too.  _ But _ ......don’t you dare break his heart again.” Richie shook his head heavily. 

“of course not, Mrs. Cathy ..... I was a stupid college kid. I'm past that part in my life now.” he smiled. They carried on with their evening. 

\--------------------------

Later that night, Cathy had taken up the couch in the room. The doctors were kind enough to let both of them sleep there, even though the usual limit was one. Maybe they had sympathy, maybe it was his celebrity status. Who knows, really. Either way, he was glad they did. 

Richie couldn’t sleep, though. Insomnia still plagued him some nights. He sat up, just thinking. He had a lot on his mind, and at the same time, had nothing on his mind at all. It was weird. He looked to the clock. It was only 7 pm, but for him, at this point, it was late. He debated for a second on a certain thing. Something he had been debating on doing since arriving in town. 

Fuck it. 

He headed out the door and drove off in his rental car. had someone he wanted to pay a visit to. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wonder who Richie is going to see? got any guesses? he's been wanting to visit this person since day one, but who in the world could that be? 
> 
> thank you for being patient with these chapters while i deal with my own crap irl! i hope everyone's staying safe, healthy, washing your hands, and for god's sake staying home unless you need to be out!


	15. to make amends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie pays a special visit that is more hard on him than he thought would be. Eddie's recovery goes very well.

Richie could have gone just about anywhere. He could have gone to his old house. Ask the people who lived there to let him see the place. Maybe they’d be fans, be honored to have  _ the _ Richie Tozier in their home. Maybe they’d bake him cookies, chat about his time living there and how many memories these walls held. About the origins of the various stains on his old bedroom’s carpet; ketchup and other condiments when Bill dropped a whole tray of finger foods one sleepover night, a pee stain from the time him and Eddie found a stray dog and hid it in Richie’s bedroom for a week before his dad heard barking and took it to the pound. -- They named the dog Max. He was a mutt and mangey, skittish and nervous peed a lot, but he really liked that dog. He hoped it ended up somewhere nice. 

He could have gone and visited some graves. His dad was buried in the cemetery in town. He died junior year of high school from lung cancer. His mom always told him to stop smoking. What would he say to his dad? I told you pursuing comedy wasn’t ‘a  waste of time’. I told you I'd show you one day. And look at me now. I'm a washed-up comedian who’s in love with a man. Proud of me now, dad? 

What would he say now? Now that he’s come out? Did his parents know? They'd have to be blind, honestly. Or just really not pay attention to him. He was always with Eddie. He went to prom with him, for god’s sake.  Sure he said it was because he couldn’t find a date, but come on. 

He could visit Sonia’s grave. But then again why would he? To spit on it? Kick it around a little? Tell her how much better off Eddie was without her. If she had still been alive, their relationship would have been way different. They would have had to hide so much. Sonia never let Eddie have privacy. They wouldn’t ever have been able to be alone in Eddie’s house. But then again, if Sonia was still alive, would him and Eddie even started dating? Eddie asked him out because he was about to move. It was impulsive. Maybe Richie would have found his courage eventually. 

He could have  went to the old arcade. His old stomping grounds, as they say. Is it even still in business? Surely it was closed by now. Although, there were still plenty of ‘old-timey’ movie theaters around. Redone, modernized, but still with that old-time feel. He's been to several in the LA area. Maybe that was just a California thing, though. It's fine, he owned his own private arcade anyway. 

He didn’t do any of those, however. He didn’t go anywhere anyone would really expect. He went  straight for Derry’s very own mental hospital. 

“Richie Tozier.” Richie stated to the front desk clerk who gave him a look. “ ....I’m here to pay a visit.”

“...to whom, exactly?”

“....Patrick Hocksetter.” the woman behind the bulletproof glass’s eyes widened. She knew who he was. She was an older woman, so she would have been there when ‘the incident’ occurred. All the older crowds in Derry knew his name, not for his fame but for the town’s very own small circle of ‘famous’ cases. Hocksetter was a known name and so was Bowers. Tozier wasn’t any different. 

“....sir.... are you sure about this? it is highly advised that victims don’t interact with their predators.” Richie nodded.

“I'm sure. I need to do this. I have to face him to move on.” 

She gave a deep but concerned sigh, pulling down her glasses to the bridge of her nose as she typed on the old pc. “...alright. but note that you can leave the visitor’s room at any time. You do not have to stay the whole hour.” 

“ I don’t plan on it.”

“...okay, well ....you’re all set. Please  have a seat to wait for your name to be called.” 

\------------------------------------------------

Only several minutes later, Richie was called back. He was  led down a long corridor and into a small room divided by a thick glass wall and two chairs on either side of the wall. It was something out of a movie. He would  swore he had seen this many times before.

Sitting in the chair on his side of the glass, he made a note of the exit. The woman at the front desk told him he could leave at any moment. There was still a very big chance seeing Patrick again after all these years – the  _ real _ Patrick – would be way too much for him. He'd do everything he could to stay, though. He didn’t want to flee immediately. 

It felt like Richie was waiting there forever before the doors on the other side opened. He felt his heart drop immediately and he clenched the seat tightly as he saw Patrick walk in, handcuffed and looking just as looney as ever. He'd hate to give the clown credit, but Pennywise got his looks down perfect. 

Patrick had a wide grin as he was instructed to sit. “and no funny business,  Hocksetter .” the guard spoke, exiting the room. It was just the two of them there now. 

“well, well... Tozier, don’t you look--”

“shut the fuck up and listen to me.” Richie cut the man off with a hardened voice, prompting Patrick to raise a brow, though he seemed a little impressed. Maybe even intrigued? Richie continued, straightening his posture. “I've come a long way. A long  _ fucking _ way, and I wanted—no, I  _ needed _ you to know just how much you and everything you’ve done to my life are meaningless. I'm not scared anymore. Not of you, not of what you did. I won’t let you ruin my life anymore. You've already taken most of it from me.” he grinned. “and Eddie? That warning you gave him, to ‘stay away’ from me? It didn’t work. In fact, the entire situation brought the both of us together and we couldn’t be more happy.”

Hocksetter scoffed out a laugh. “well then, you’re welcome~”

“ I never said thank you.”

“Seems to me I deserve a thanks for bringing you fags together.” he shrugged, crossing his arms. He grinned wide. “congrats, by the way. You must feel so full of pride for being able to come here and tell me all this useless garbage as if I cared.” he shrugged, leaning back. “but whatever. It’s nice to be able to see what kind of man you grew to be~” he looked Richie up and down, licking his lips.

The fucking lip licking. Those god damned hungry eyes, staring him down like a starving lion looking at  its prey. He felt young again. Not in the good way. He felt small and helpless under the gaze of a predator. “damn, do I miss that ass of yours ....~ bet it’s nice and plump.” Richie felt a lump in his throat that was choking him. He felt his body threaten to shake. He was trying so hard not to show how he felt inside. 

When those hungry eyes looked back up to him, they pierced through his soul. “ ....does Eddie feel as good inside you as I did? I bet you miss me, don’t you? Break me out of this place and I'll show you what a real cock feels like.~”

Richie did his best to ignore it. He  _ had _ to ignore  it, it was the only way. He just looked down, gripping tight to his knees and restated his point. “I'm not ....afraid of you anymore.... your words don’t have any effect on me.” Richie’s voice shook, despite his efforts, showing his true feelings. This amused Patrick. 

“oh  hohooo , doesn't sound like it~ sounds to me like I still got a hold on  ya .” he chuckled. “why did you even come here, Richie?”

Stern eyes slowly lifted to meet Patrick’s. He had to force the panic down. “I needed to see your stupid face. I needed to force myself to face you ..... in order to move on from this shit.” 

Only moments later, the visit was over. Richie had said what he needed to. He never had to see that man again.

However, despite his hard efforts to not panic, this didn’t stop him from having a meltdown on the way back to the hospital. 

\-------------------------------------------------

Returning to the hospital room, he saw that Cathy was not there. It was night, about 10 pm. She must have stepped out for a second for some air. Or maybe she had a room in a hotel to stay at and decided to head there for the night. Either way, Richie, exhausted as he was from his car ride meltdown, slumped himself in the chair next to Eddie’s bed. He took one long look at Eddie, eyes sunken and red, defeated expression. Was that visit really worth it in the end? The immense pain seeing him brought  back.. It was way worse than when IT was disguised as him. Did his subconscious know that wasn’t the real deal? How was seeing the real thing behind  four-inch thick glass worse than almost being re-molested by a fake one? He really was still afraid of him, after all. 

Richie reached forward and took Eddie’s hand. “.....I went to visit Patrick today.... I-I know you’d be screaming at me how stupid that was right now, I just....” he sighed, looking off to the side. “I thought it was what I needed to do....to-to move on, prove to him and myself that I'm not afraid anymore, but--” he choked up, trying to fight the tears. It was useless. “I was wrong, Eds... I'm still a. .... _ fucking _ mess.... I’m so .... _ stupid _ _.... _ " He sobs for a second, head hanging. “god I.....need you so much right now... I need you to tell me how dumb that was....and to hold me, tell me it’ll be okay, hum to me Your Song like you used to.... r-remember that?” he cracked the smallest smile. “remember how you’d comfort me when I had my dumb panic attacks? Soft kisses, humming, rocking ..... I-I fucking need that so much r-right now....” he started to sob. body shaking, he laid his head on Eddie’s softly rising and falling chest. He squeezed his hand tight. So tight, his knuckles turned white. And then--

“...Richie....”

A hollow, raspy voice spoke ever so softly through the air. It was Eddie’s. 

In disbelief, Richie’s head shot up to meet Eddie’s face. His eyes were half-lidded, but they were open, and Eddie’s head was turned to face Richie. “ ....that ....hurts...”

“eds!?” Richie flung his arms over Eddie’s shoulders, sobbing now with overjoy. He laid kissed all over  Eddie’s cheek and jaw. “you’re awake! Holy shit, you’re awake!”

Eddie let out an exhausted chuckle. “c-careful....”

“I'll....I'll go get the doctor!” Richie hopped up, almost tripping over himself as he rushed out of the room. 

\-------------------------

“how-how are you feeling?” Richie asked softly as he sat in the chair, grasping Eddie’s hand with their fingers laced. The doctor and  nurse took to checking Eddie’s vitals and his wounds to make sure everything was in working order. 

“I-I'm.... hhhh ....tired.... oddly enough...” Eddie’s raspy voice spoke up in a low tone. It was hard to speak.

“did you ....hear anything....while you were out?”

Eddie had to think for a second. “ ....a little... mostly muffled voices. Couldn’t tell what they were saying half the time, but....” he smiled slightly. “I did hear you.... I heard you call me the ‘love of your life’. I heard you cry over me....and beg me to wake up....”

Richie let out a soft sigh. “... I'm sorry, Eddie...”

“don’t ....don’t be sorry...” he turned his head toward Richie. “it’s nice to know you really care that much....”

Richie and Eddie shared loving looks and the staff in the room knew  everything they needed to know about the two’s relationship. The nurse, the one who Richie had overheard say was a fan, smiled brightly at the two. She had seen Richie’s video, but even before then, she knew it was obvious. These two really did love each other.

“Mr. Tozier, may I see you in the hall for a second?” the doctor spoke, being sure to speak with a smile to show it wasn’t anything bad. Richie agreed and left Eddie with a soft kiss to his hand. “he’s recovered...remarkably well. We barely ever see cases as bad as his comeback positively, and especially not this soon. Quite frankly, it’s a miracle he made it through this.”

All Richie could do was smile. “I knew he wouldn’t give up. Eddie doesn’t quit so easily.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok, first off, sorry this is so sort and that it took so long (i know you all keep telling me to stop appoligizing for this but still). also quick note that i am going to shelter in the country in West Virginia with my family where it's a lot more safe and less cases than here in Maryland. not sure how much impact this will have on my ability to write, but if it takes a lot longer, please note that i did not scrap this, i'm just deeling with what everyone else is and can't write as much. 
> 
> anyway, hope you liked this chapter! Eddie finally woke up!


	16. one peaceful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie is discharged and the two of them are able to have a calming night together before New York.
> 
> some good reddie moments in this one!

It took Eddie about another week to fully recover after he had woken up. His wounds healed over and the stitches removed about three days after, and the rest of the time was spent on physical therapy. Mainly walking and eating without opening his wounds, and bending in certain ways to try and test the limits of his spine and ribs. At first, it was difficult. Walking was painful as hell and he could barely take a single step. Opening his mouth too wide shot pins through his cheek and bending over toward the left was like being stabbed all over again. It did get better, though. Eddie soon healed completely and was able to walk, eat, and bend without issue. 

When Cathy got the call from Richie that night, she left her motel 6 room in the next town over as fast as she could. It was a wonder she didn’t get a speeding ticket. She could barely contain herself as she rushed into the room, hugging her son, just as excited and thankful as Richie, though for different reasons. She left only two days later back to New York after Richie had sworn to her for the millionth  time he’d take care of Eddie and that he’d keep her updated. Eddie promised her he’d come to see her once he got out. He'd have to go back to New York, anyway. He had a divorce to see to. That one was going to be hard. He rather not  think of it until he had to. 

The day after Eddie awoke, and while he was resting off some pain meds, his nurse came into the room to perform a  routine checkup. Richie wasn’t usually still there while Eddie was asleep  around lunchtime, so seeing him scrolling through Twitter on his phone in the chair surprised her. 

Richie had been avoiding social media after posting his coming out video the other day. No one knew he liked men. No one besides his friends and the few male lovers he acquainted with through the years, anyway. He was scared. He hated being the hot topic, the one everyone was talking about.  RichieTozier was trending on Twitter. Number one, this time. He dreaded clicking on the tag. 

“oh!” the small female nurse jumped slightly. “ah, s-sorry, Mr. Tozier, didn’t mean to disturb you... ah, I'll....only be a moment...” she seemed flustered. Was it just because she’d never been ‘alone’ with him this whole time? Or was it that, as a fan, she saw the video? 

Twitter wasn’t all that bad, despite his nervousness. Mostly  positive feedback, some straggling homophobes quickly shot down.  Youtube was roughly the same, though filled with longer, more meaningful, and heartwarming comments. People coming out because he inspired them to, met with “congrats” and encouragement. Some telling the story of how they came to be a big fan. One, though, stuck out above the others. The commenter had the same last name as the nurse.

_ ‘ _ _ I'm _ _ so proud of you, Richie.  _ _ 😊 _ _ you may not know who I am, but I've been a fan since I was young. My dad watched your skits on SNL all the time, and we bonded over our love for your comedy, and your acting as well. I will always  _ _ cherish _ _ the memories of staying up late on Saturday night, sitting on my dad’s lap just to wait for you to come on the TV. I hope you and this man have a happy life together. I can tell he makes you very happy.’  _

A comment underneath stated,  _ ‘how do you know he makes him really happy?’ _

And with a contemplation, Richie replied; _ ‘because she’s his nurse. I appreciate all you’ve done for Eddie, Trisha. Thank you for not giving up on him.’ _

“ ....thank you....” Richie spoke, looking up to Trisha with a smile. She was a little confused.

“ ....for what, sir?” 

Richie turned his phone over, showing her the text. “this comment.” her skin seemed to turn white and she went pale. He chuckled. “I overheard you the other day. Talking to the doctor. Said you’re a big fan.... you said some very sweet thing then, too.” 

“ I ....I-I'm....sorry, Mr. Tozier...”

He cocked a smile and chuckled. “what are you sorry about? And honestly, sweetheart, call me Richie. I've never been one to care about being formal, you should know that.” 

She smiled softly toward him, though he could tell she was still very nervous. “alright.” she nodded and got back to work, Richie getting back to reading comments to let her work without  distraction . 

Before leaving, she smiled at him. “I'm happy for you, Richie. And I'm glad I got to meet you. My dad ....would have been so jealous.” she gave a slight chuckle, though it was vailed with pain. 

“your dad had great taste.” he grinned. “I'm glad I got to meet you, too.” he took out his phone and stood up. “want a picture?” 

She smiled brightly and nodded. They took a few selfies with both their cameras. Eddie awoke soon after and with some explanation, took one with them, too. Richie posted his of the three of them on Instagram.

‘Ed’s Nurse turned out to be a fan! She's a very sweet girl and I'm so fucking grateful for her and his doctor. We wouldn’t be sitting here together if not for their dedication. @Trish88, you’re one badass girl!’

\----------------

The day Eddie was allowed to leave was one stressful day filled with excitement mixed with anxiety. On one hand, Eddie could not wait to be out of that damned hospital bed, forced to lay down almost 24/7, save for the times he was scheduled to exercise his wound’s limits, eating bland hospital meals, being woken up at all hours of the night, and unable to shower as often as he would have liked. But on the other hand, leaving meant he was that much closer to having to go home and face Myra. 

Richie had told him about the phone call. The one where he blurted out that Eddie was leaving her. Eddie didn’t take to that news very well. “ Jesus , Rich!”

“well, I'm sorry!” Richie defended. “ I was upset and she was pissing me off! It just ....came out....” Richie had outed Eddie to his slightly homophobic and  neurotic wife. They were very lucky she didn’t know where they were, or she’d have been beating down his door in a matter of minutes. 

No doubt she’d have tried to use that against him in a divorce. Try to take him for all he’s worth, but at that point, she could have the clothes off his back if it meant not being trapped in a loveless relationship. And the sooner he settles with Richie, the better. 

Mike and Stan stopped by the day Eddie was let out to help settle them back in at the townhouse. They still had rooms there, and Richie still hadn’t seen a single staff member since checking in. It was  eerie and odd, but they only had one more night there and they’d be out of this cursed town for good. 

After settling them back in and exchanging numbers, addresses, and saying their goodbyes, the two were off to Florida where they’d be starting over together. No one knew how Stan was going to live a normal life without having to essentially “come back from the dead”, but he made it a point to assure them he’d be alright. 

\--------------------------

After packing their things for a quick depart in the morning, the two settled into bed. Both were unable to sleep, despite the time of night and Eddie’s pain pills kicking in. Instead, they held each other close, staring off blankly into the dark room. It was silent for a while before Eddie spoke up.

“we’ll head to New York tomorrow. Get a room at a hotel and I'll get started on filing for the divorce. Hopefully....” he sighed deeply, shutting his eyes. “ ....hopefully Myra  won't make too much of a fuss about it. It....should only take a few days to get everything settled, then we can fly to your place and get to a....relatively normal life.”

“that sounds great ....Eds. ..” Richie mumbled, placing a few kisses to the back of his neck. “I'm sure it’ll work out in the end. It has to.”

“mm... yeah...” he gave a deep sigh, settling into Richie’s kisses. “....I'll also have to settle something with my job. Maybe they’ll let me work remotely, or transfer me to a sister company in LA....” 

“Why don’t you just.....quit?”

Eddie turned his head back, twisting his body to look into Richie’s eyes. He took a second of staring to respond. “ ....quit ?” was all he could think of to say.

“well, yeah.” Richie smiled as Eddie turned fully to face him, bodies pressed close. Richie held gently onto Eddie’s side, running soft fingers in circles on the hip bone. “babe, I'm famous~ I have  _ plenty _ of millions to take care of the both of us well into our retired years.”

Eddie gave this real thought. He was  _ actually _ thinking about a life where he didn’t work. He didn’t know if he could do the stay at home housewife sort of life. But then he thought...if he wasn’t bound by a job, he could spend more time with Richie. On the road with the love of his life. Front row, VIP seats. 

A smile slowly grew on his face as he nodded. “ ....I think that ....actually sounds wonderful....” he sighed, leaning in and laying his head on Richie’s chest, listening to his heartbeat softly. 

The silence lasted a while longer. Eddie felt himself drifting away into thought and relaxation. He hadn’t been this relaxed in a while. Not even just recent days, but for years, he had been constantly restless. He didn’t  realize how much he needed Richie’s arms around him. This was where he needed to be. With Richie. He'd do whatever it took. 

“ ....we should get a dog....” Richie’s soft words broke Eddie’s silent thoughts. When Eddie looked up to him, he continued. “when we get settled into a normal life together, after the divorce is final and after Reno and everything ..... Maybe we’d get two.” he was more thinking  out loud , not looking down toward Eddie, just off into the distance of the dark room. 

Still, though,  Eddie nodded and responded. “I'd like that too.... but ....not a big dog.... something small....”

“a  Pomeranian ?” Richie grinned, remembering the monstrosity in the closet door. Eddie shivered, though he wasn’t  opposed to the idea. 

“maybe.... we’ll talk about it....” he sighed, and it was silent again for a small moment. On the subject of having responsibilities to share with Richie, Eddie thought about kids. Eddie’s always wanted a child of his own, but Myra was barren. She couldn’t have children even if they wanted to, and she was completely  opposed to a  surrogate and scared of adoption, so he thought he’d never get the chance. And while the thought of being Sophia’s stepdad was nice, she was an adult now, and he’d honestly want a child of his own. “...Richie?” Eddie spoke low, looking back up to him.

“mm?” Richie had his eyes closed, though he opened them when he was addressed. 

“ ....how do you feel about ..... having another child?” he was  definitely taken back by this question, though he gave it some real thought. He'd always suspect Sophia would be his last, though raising a child with Eddie would be ....amazing .

He grinned and nodded. “babe, I think that’s a wonderful idea.”

Eddie’s face lit up. “really?” when Richie nodded again in confirmation, Eddie continued. “well, I....I've always ....wanted a child of my own,  ya know? And Myra's unable to bare children ..... and, well, while we couldn’t both be the biological father, I was thinking I could.... I mean we could-”

“Eds....” Richie cut the stammering man off, cupping his face in his hands. “raising your child would mean the world to me....” he grinned. “and besides.... Soph has always wanted a sibling....” 

“well....” Eddie grinned. “why don’t we make one  now....? ” Eddie’s deep and gruff voice sent pins and needles up Richie’s spine. He hadn’t heard that voice  In so long, and Eddie was much older than he was back then. It was like an almost instant hard-on as Eddie’s fingers danced gingerly down his shirtless chest and even more then he pressed up to give a soft but passionate kiss. He wouldn’t be shirtless  in front of just anyone, only those who were special. Eddie was the most special out of them all.

The subject of sex after being discharged came up after Eddie awoke and again on the day he went home. Both times, the doctor assured them he would be okay to have sex as long as it wasn’t rough and he was lying on his back the whole time. This wouldn’t be an issue for them. Missionary position was their go-to.

Eddie hadn’t had decent sex in years. In fact, he couldn’t even remember the last time he did. Sex with Myra wasn’t great. There wasn’t anything wrong with her; In fact, she wasn’t half bad, and if he were to like girls, it’d be different. Richie was the only person he could ever truly feel pleasure with.

Richie was nervous. Why was he so nervous? As he took Eddie’s pants off, inching them down his legs, his body shook and he felt a pit in his stomach that only seemed to worsen when met with the  lustful gaze the other man was giving him from below. He had Eddie back. Something that, back then, he thought would never happen again. 

This felt like their first time all over again. Prom night, drunk and in love, except the fact that they were completely sober but just as in love. 

Eddie was laid on his back, pillow comfortably behind his head. Richie had only attempted to suck Eddie off once and it didn’t go well, though he felt like he could this time, despite the fact that they were both already hard from rough  mak outs and heavy pawing. 

“Rich...” Eddie panted out as Richie reach down, grabbing his dick in his hand. He saw the look on Richie’s face. He knew he wanted to try again. “you don’t have to... I'm...perfectly fine with just a handjob...” 

Richie knew he didn’t have to. But that wasn’t going to stop from him wanting to. Patrick had no power over him. No power....  _ none _ . He could suck his boyfriend off without wanting to sob in a corner. “ I'm okay....” he assured in a hushed tone, nodding. It took a second for him to prepare himself, taking a deep breath in and letting it out slowly. “ ..... love you, Eds....” he mumbled, leaning up momentarily to plant a chaste kiss to the other’s lips before he leaned back down, inching the appendage slowly into his mouth, prompting a small whimper from Eddie who threw his head back onto the pillow and tried not to make too much  noise . He knew this was hard for Richie, despite his assured response. 

It took all his strength to not back out  immediately . It felt the same,  _ tasted _ the same, but it wasn’t the same. He had to continuously remind himself of that. It was  _ not _ the same.  _ He  _ was in control now. And Eddie wasn’t Patrick.

He pushed it in as far as he could get it without choking, which was surprisingly pretty far. Eddie’s attempts to silence himself  faltered as he felt the  indescribable sensation of Richie’s mouth slopping up and down on him. Soft whimpers and moans soon echoed in the room and he could feel Richie’s confidence grow with each head bob and tongue flick.

It wasn’t too long before Eddie felt himself squirm. He could feel the need to be full, a feeling he hadn’t felt in so long. The pure emptiness was almost  unbearable . “r-- hhhhhhh —rich ..... ” he mumbled out. “please.. fuc \-- fuuuuaahhh fuck me....” he couldn’t  bare to say any more than that, hoping Richie got the picture and took to filling him already.

He  definitely did. With a quick pop, he removed Eddie from his mouth, panting slightly to catch his breath. Watching the man squirm was driving him wild. “don’t have to ask twice, babe...” he hummed, wetting his fingers to prep Eddie for entrance. 

Eddie  whimpered and  squirmed even more,  practically fucking himself on Richie’s finger. God this was so hot.... “damn, babe, slow down...” he grinned.

“ I f-fucking can’t....” he said with a grunt. “ I -I haven’t had good sex in so damn long, Richie....” reaching up, he grabbed Richie’s head, pulling his face closer. “ so you’re  gonna fuck me now, or I'm  gonna break the rules and ride you like a horse....” he was demanding. Like a dominatrix with her slave. Richie felt his dick throb in excitement. “now, Richard...” Eddie huffed when Richie took too long to respond, and like a trained dog, Richie complied.

With Eddie’s legs pushed apart and up to his chest and a deep breath out, Richie pushed in. It was tight, he didn’t get much time to prep the other but it wasn’t too much for him. He only hoped Eddie wasn’t in pain. Though the sounds that came from the other man as he inched deeper told him he was just fine. 

It was difficult not to get rough with it. Richie felt the need to slam himself in a few times, but he couldn’t. He didn’t want to risk reopening the wounds. It wasn’t worth it. Besides, they’d have  plenty of time in the future to experiment. Now was not the time. They just needed to be  intimate and close. 

\----------------------------------------------------

It was hard to wake up at 5 am, but they had to. They had a flight booked for 6:30 and you always should arrive at your gate early. Besides, Eddie took a while to get ready. He still had to shower, do his morning face routine, brush his teeth, and pack his  toiletry bag which was too big to fit in his many suitcases. As  Richie carried Eddie’s luggage down the steps since he had the excuse that he couldn’t strain himself, Richie wondered why in the world he’d need to pack so much. Then he remembered this was Eddie. He was always excessive. 

Connor, Reg, and Vic met them outside the townhouse to help haul them back to the airport. Eddie and Richie both rented cars, though Eddie was unable to drive so they offered to help. As awkward as the drive was, Connor drove Eddie in his rental car. 

The car ride was silent for a moment before Eddie spoke up. “you’re the one in the picture, aren’t you?” Connor gave Eddie a slight side glance. “the article? Online?”

“oh...” he knew what he was talking about. The one where it clearly showed him and Richie leaving the gay bar, arm in arm. He cleared his throat. “uh ....y -yeah, yeah that ....that was me...” he bit his lip. He had no idea how to approach this subject. From what he knew, Eddie and Richie were together. Or at least planning to me. They weren’t together when that happened, though. 

Eddie let out a soft chuckle. “...sorry, uh... just....” he sighed. “didn’t ....expect that, I guess.”

“heh, well...me either, honestly...” he glanced over toward Eddie. The other was fiddling with his shirt sleeve. “but ....you don’t need to worry. That was a  one-time thing.”

“ah, r-right, right...” Eddie felt his face heat. He made things awkward. Why did he say anything? What was the purpose of that? “ah ....thank ....thank you for ....the other day....” he quickly changed the subject. “coming to help? I mean ....if it wasn’t for you ..... ” he trailed off.

Connor gave Eddie a side smile. “of course.”

\-------------------------------

To Eddie, the car ride felt like forever, though it was only a little under a half-hour. They got to the airport with  plenty of time. Dropped their rental cars off, said their goodbyes, exchanged numbers and social media and were on their way. A flight back to New York was only around 2 hours long, but Eddie wished it was longer. He was not looking forward to what awaited him in the city. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first smutty chap involving Reddie, surprisingly! it's been a while since I've written some actual smut so I hope it isn't bad. and! dogs and babies! the future looks great!
> 
> anyway, get ready for Myra's tirade.


	17. wrath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie and Richie head back to new york. Eddie reunites with Myra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: this chapter contains homophobic language and suicidal language

Eddie did not do well with airplane rides. Richie learned that during their flight home. That or Eddie’s nerves got the best of him and made him sick, or both. Eddie spent most of the time during their short flight in the bathroom of the airplane, mostly dry heaving, sometimes actually throwing up. Richie would check on him periodically, though, through a sickly sounding voice and threats of upchuck, he assured Richie he was fine. Thankfully the flight was very short and no one really needed the bathroom, so there was no issue with Eddie spending his flight bent over the toilet seat. 

It was definitely more nerves than air sickness. Eddie did get slightly nauseated during flights, but overall, it was tolerable. He never had to rush to the bathroom, especially not for this long. To be honest, he was terrified. Mostly of facing Myra, telling her the truth, convincing her a divorce is the right thing to do. Myra meant well most of the time, but she wasn’t the nicest of people when she got angry. She would never physically abuse Eddie, but words hurt as well, and she had on numerous occasions threatened to harm herself for whatever reason. He may have not loved her the way she needed to be, and she may have been cruel in several ways, but he never wished harm on her, and she knew that threat would keep him in place. That was what scared him the most. 

\---------------------------

Eddie’s parents lived in the city, right on the edge and relatively close to being  considered outside the city limits. This was Molly’s apartment before Cathy moved in from Derry. Cathy wanted Eddie to finish his school life and be off on his own before she moved. It was very important to both of them that Eddie wasn’t pulled away from his friends, and especially from Richie. Cathy would never know just how important not moving really was.

Molly and Cathy met at a pride calibration in New York in 1991. The first pride they had ever been to, but not their last. It was Richie’s idea. He had heard about it in passing and inquired the group of gay men outside of the Falcon for details. It took a lot of convincing with Cathy as she was more so afraid Richie’s parents would find out what they were really going to New York for, but Richie assured her they wouldn’t look too far into it. And, with a quick lie about winning tickets to see the Rockettes, they were off.

Molly and Cathy met after Cathy had lost the two boys in a crowd. She was  panicking , and Molly stepped in to help. The two were okay; they found their way to an ice cream stand not too far from where they were  separated , and in that mess of panic and confusion, Cathy met the woman she’d be growing old with. 

Though Eddie had seen Cathy recently at the hospital, he wanted to stop by and  re-introduce Richie to Molly. He wasn’t sure if she’d even remember him, or if seeing him would jog her memory.

“Eddie!” Molly exclaimed, wrapping her arms around him. “Cathy told me what happened to you! Oh, sweetheart, I was so worried!”

Eddie gave Molly a slight smile and an apologetic look. “ I'm so sorry, momma...”

“come in, sit down! You shouldn’t be standing with a wound like that!” Molly led Eddie into the  apartment to sit on the  Livingroom couch. Richie, who seemed to not be noticed yet, followed in but stood at the doorway. He pulled out one of his hands from deep within his pockets and reached out toward Molly. 

“it’s lovely to see you again, Mrs. Trumen.”

Molly gave him a slightly confused look though shook his hand. “I'm....so sorry, I'm not sure I remember you.”

Richie chuckled. “that’s to be expected. We only met a few times. I'm Richie Tozier, Eddie and I dated in High School.”

Molly’s confused look turned to concern as she stared at Richie, then to Eddie, and to her wife, who looked just as concerned. She sighed, running a hand through her long, greying hair “dated in high school...? How could I have forgotten someone so important in my son’s life?” she looked back to Richie with an apologetic smile. “ I am....so sorry ..... Richie, was it?  ….. my memory has been escaping me in my older years....”

Richie gave her a reassuring smile. “it’s perfectly fine, ma’am.” 

“well...come on in, then, make yourself at home.” Molly gestured to the rest of the room and Richie just nodded, making his way over to sit beside Eddie. Molly sat in the large chair across from the couch. She looked over the two for a moment before speaking again. “....Edward, Cathy told me about Myra... you two are divorcing?”

Eddie glanced at Richie before back to Molly with a shallow nod. “yes.... well.... I haven’t broken the news to her myself yet, however....” he glanced back toward Richie. “someone let it slip to her that he’s, quote, ‘taking me back’.”

Richie  nervously grinned, shrugging a little bit.

Molly gave Richie a slight glance then smiled back toward Eddie. “.... I'm ....actually  relieved . To tell you the truth, Eddie, Myra always came off as a....well, a bitch.”

Cathy tapped her wife on the shoulder. “Molly!”

Eddie chuckled and Richie tried to keep in his own laugh. “no, you’re right, she is...in some cases. I just hope tomorrow goes well...” he sighed deeply, running a hand through his hair. 

“ I'm sure it will, dear.” Molly nodded.

“well ....dinner should be finished momentarily, why don’t we continue talking in the kitchen? I'd love to hear about what you’ve been up to since high school, Richie.” Cathy spoke up and the two on the couch nodded in agreement. They didn’t really have anywhere else to be that night. They had a hotel room booked, but they could check-in at any time that night, and Eddie wouldn’t be going home to confront Myra until later that night. Plus, he missed his moms. Despite living relatively close, Eddie barely got to see them. He was so busy with work anymore. He was honestly excited to retire early. 

Cathy was always an amazing cook. As far back as Eddie cold remember since being adopted, Cathy's cooking had always been better than anything he’d had anywhere else. Maybe it was just because he came from a home where they had canned and prepackaged foods daily and only really experienced home-cooked meals at friends' houses, but to him, as a kid, her cooking was always top chef level. It definitely didn’t change much as the years caught up to him. 

Molly was  genuinely curious to know  Richie more. Just like Cathy, Molly had her  suspicions that Eddie wasn’t who he claimed to be; a straight man. That was why hearing he had dated a boy in high school wasn’t so surprising to her, though hearing that this same boy came back into his life 20 some years later and was the very reason Eddie was finally leaving his wife...that was a bit more shocking. But still not completely.

Little by little, her memory of Richie came back as they told stories about their time together. She was in some of them, like prom night when Cathy and Molly fussed over them before they left, or graduation. Those memories came back eventually, but it took some time. The clown’s effect on memory must have been slow fading for those further away. 

It was surprising to both Richie and Cathy that Molly had never heard of Richie Tozier. Or at least wasn’t able to hear his name and think, ‘hmmm I've heard that before!’. Especially since Molly and Cathy loved watching SNL together. After hearing what  Richie did for a living and what movies and shows he was in, it finally clicked.

Richie told her about his daughter. She was really excited about that. Even if she was a  20-year-old woman, she was excited to have a grandchild. They decided not to tell the two about their plans for having a baby of their own. Not yet, anyway. 

When Eddie mentioned staying at a hotel, Cathy looked appalled at the idea. 

“Absolutely not!”

Eddie raised an eyebrow at her. “mom?”

“why waste your money at one of those  expensive New York hotels when you could stay here for free!?” she smiled. “ Eddie , you know we have a perfectly good guest room!”

The two looked at each other and Molly grinned toward her wife. “deer, I think they want to be  _ alone.” _

Richie chuckled slightly. Thinking about it, him going into a hotel in  New York with a man after previously confessing to being gay would call for unwanted attention and might complicate the  divorce even more. “no, Cathy’s right. Staying at a hotel would be very risky, anyway.  Paparazzi and all that.” 

“....right.” Eddie chimed in, nodding.

Cathy’s face lit up even brighter. “perfect,  then it’s settled! You two will stay here until you get this whole thing sorted!”

\----------------------------------------------

The pleasant evening couldn’t have lasted forever. Eddie eventually had to leave, heading back to his home to face the music and pack his things. He found himself sat in his car in the driveway, hands tightly gripping the  steering wheel and looking forward. He couldn’t find the strength to let go and head inside. “god dammit, Eds...” he sighed to himself, shutting his eyes tight. He began breathing exercises as he was feeling an oncoming panic attack. Not now. Not the time. “you can do this... come on, man, you’ve  dealt with her before, you know how to handle her when she gets like......like  _ that _ .....” he groaned, shaking his head. “come on.... just get out of the--”

“EDDDDIEEEEE!!” the  shrieking sound of Myra’s voice boomed from the front door of the house all the way into the car, causing  Eddie to tense up even more. There was no mistaking it that Myra was running toward the car at full speed. Eddie had no choice but to jump out or risk being dragged out. He rather not be dragged out. 

Quick walking passed Myra, Eddie focused only on where he was going and not on her. Not at the millions of frantic questions she spat at him the entire way back to the house.

“Eddie! Where the hell were you!? You said you wouldn’t be gone that long! Where you really in the hospital?! What  _ happened _ to you!? Eddie, that Richie Tozier guy said you were leaving me—he said you were  _ gay _ , that can’t be true, right!? He's lying, you’re not gay, you wouldn’t leave me—Eddie why aren’t you talking to me!? Answer  _ MEEE _ !!” 

“THAT’S ENOUGH, MYRA!!” Eddie had enough. His blood was boiling and he needed her to stop  _ talking _ . He turned in the doorway of the house, giving her a stern look. One she’d never seen from Eddie before. He was always so submissive and small,  apologizing . Not today. He was done laying down. 

She quieted down. Looking like a dear in the headlights. She was frightened. Much like he always was. 

“Myra.” he sighed out, calming himself down. “listen to me. Everything he told you was the truth. I called my lawyer on the way here, we’re filing tomorrow morning.”

“Eddie, you’re joking, right!? Tell me you’re kidding!” Myra began to tear up but Eddie didn’t respond and just turned back around to make his way into the house. She starts to sob in the doorway. “Eddie, please, you can’t  _ leave meee!! _ "

“... I'm sorry, but I can’t ..... live like this anymore....” he spoke as he made his way through the Livingroom, grabbing a few things. “it’s not  _ me _ , I’m not straight, you had to have known--” 

“ I didn’t!! How was  _ I _ supposed to know my husband was a fucking  _ fag! _ " She was panicking  now, he could hear it in her voice and in the harsh tones. He sighed, making his way toward the stairs and turning to her.

“go take a bath, Myra... calm yourself down, you’re  panicking . I'm only here to pack my things and I'll be gone.” 

“ of course I'm panicking, you son of a bitch, you’re LEAVING ME!!” she yelled as she followed him up the stairs. 

Eddie attempted to ignore her the entire way to his room, and the entire time packing his things as well. Every insult and slur she threw at him fell on deaf ears as he quickly shoved his things into a suitcase. He had most of his stuff already as he over packed for the trip to Derry, so getting the rest of it, or at least enough, didn’t take too long. 

Attempting to head out the door, Myra continued to yell though Eddie ignored it for the most part, until- “if you leave, I'll do it! Eddie, I'll DO IT, I'll KILL MYSELF!” 

There it was. Her threats of suicide he knew would come eventually. He had half a mind to just leave, but he was far too nice for that.

“ Myra ....” he sighed, turning to her, trying to stay calm. “please, don’t go overboard.... you know you’ll be okay. You don’t need me. You did perfectly fine without me for this long, right? You'll be okay, I promise...” he gave her a patient smile. “you can find yourself someone who is capable of loving you the way you deserve, alright...?”

She sighed, seeming to calm a bit more. “ ....fine ....” she looked away from him. “if I can’t convince you then ..... fine.... just go....” 

He didn’t need to be asked twice. He was out of there as quickly as he could. 

\------------------------------

He tossed and turned all night, unable to really get much sleep, though he was very exhausted. He didn’t feel up for cuddling or kissing, so as a good boyfriend and not wanting to set him off, Richie refrained and stuck to his side of the guest bed. Might have been for the best. Richie felt awkward as hell in Eddie’s parents’ guest room.

They had a morning meeting with the lawyer. Eddie promptly texted Sonia the location and time, urging her to be there. He was only met with an ‘ok’ in response, but he didn’t press it. He figured she was still upset about the entire thing. It was understandable. He felt bad for her, in a way. He was the first and only person to treat her kindly in college, and she fell for him hard. He did not do the same. He should never have  led her on to believe he did.

Then again, she put him through hell  during their marriage. The spitting image of his late mother, she treated him like a fragile child, not to be trusted with sharp objects and always yelled at for ‘scaring her half to death’ if he missed even a single call. Heaven forbid a call  _ and _ a text. His feelings were conflicted.

“is...is Mrs.  Trumen on her way, Mr.  Trumen ?” the lawyer asked, breaking the awkward silence as he glanced at his watch. It was 20 passed their scheduled appointment. 

Eddie sighed and glanced at his phone. No new texts or calls. He had asked her where she was about ten minutes ago, but no answer. He was beginning to think she was skipping out to maybe stall for time. In hopes to win him back before the divorce was final. He wasn’t having any of this. “ ....don’t think so...” 

“.. ah, Mr.  Trumen ....I'm very sorry, but I need you both present for this, and I don’t really have much time. Maybe you can talk to her and we can reschedule for tomorrow?”

Eddie nodded and stood up. “yeah, that ....would be for the best. Sorry, sir....” Eddie  apologized for wasting the man’s time, to which he got a polite, ‘that’s quite alright’. The two scheduled another appointment and Eddie stormed out, furious. He'd get Mayra to the next meeting even if he had to drag her there.

On the way to his home to hopefully talk some sense into her, an ambulance passed by, speeding in the same direction. Eddie wouldn’t have thought anything of this, however.... 

_ “if you leave, I'll do it! Eddie, I'll DO IT, I'll KILL MYSELF!” _

The memory of Myra’s threat the night before punched its way to the front of his mind. This, coupled with the fact that she hadn’t answered his texts or calls since that morning prompted him to hit the  gas . “ shit....! ” 

To his horror, the  ambulance , as well as police, were indeed outside his home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, i am so sorry this took so long. i know ive been saying that a lot, but this one takes the cake! im still away from home, but i am going back home this weekend, so i HOPE to be getting on a better writing schedule!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked chapter one! in this fic, I'm going to combine things from the book, the movies, somewhat the 2010 script, as well as my own twists to things to fit this universe' narrative. 
> 
> let me know how you liked it! what do you think the 'last time' Richie and Steven were talking about was? curious. why do you think the two aren't still together, as well? lots of questions!  
> I love seeing comments on my fics, it gives me MOUNDS of motivation, and I reply to every comment, so let's start chatting!


End file.
